“Love is sacred!” What a beautiful phrase, but love always has to be placed in reality to grow, and reality is like the soil, there is fertile and barren. So women must learn to be wise, the love that shouldn’t be wanted, the love that can’t bear any fruit, the love that should be let go in advance.
One, you care more about each other
You’re in a relationship and you’re not sure what the other person thinks; you think you’re right, he doesn’t seem to think so; you miss him when he’s not there, he doesn’t seem to make a difference when you’re not there, what does that mean?
“If two people have different hearts, how can they walk together?” Sometimes there are situations where one person loves the other more than the other, and if it’s a healthy relationship, there’s an alternation where the two people take turns playing the role of pursuer and pursued; but if one person is always the pursuer, it’s not a healthy relationship, and in the long run, you’ll be starved for love. You will feel controlled by the other person, and you will feel angry, cheated, and bitter.
2. You love the potential of the other person
You love the potential of the other person, not what the other person really is. You love what the other person might be in the future, and that person is not your partner at all, but the object of your transformation.
Every time we do pre-marital counseling we ask if the other person will not change in fifty years, will you be satisfied? If you keep hoping to change the other person before you feel more satisfied, then it is not love, but gambling, using the happiness of both parties as a bet.
Three, you want to help the other person
Do you often feel sorry for the other person? Do you feel a responsibility to help the other person get their act together? The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing. If so, you’re afraid you’re a “rescue freak”.
The “rescue freak” doesn’t look for the right person, he looks for someone he can sympathize with and help. The relationship is like a rescue mission, not a sound, balanced relationship.
The key to remember here is “respect.” The person you love must be someone you can respect, and you must be proud of that person, and your partner does not want your rescue, but your true understanding of that person.
Fourth, treating each other as objects of worship
Young actresses fall in love with directors, college students fall in love with professors, secretaries fall in love with their bosses …… and fall in love with the object of their worship, and it is difficult to maintain a normal relationship because the two cannot treat each other as equals.
Men and women must be treated as equals, and I don’t mean in terms of status, but in terms of attitude, not to over-worship each other. People who would fall in love with the object of their admiration usually have low self-confidence and they feel bad about themselves.
When you are in a relationship with someone, love and respect them for who they are, not what they will be. You can expect them to continue to grow, but you have to be satisfied with who they are now.
Five, you’re just attracted to the other person’s appearance
Everyone does this, right? If you find yourself deeply attracted to a certain quality of the other person, ask yourself, if the other person didn’t have those big blue eyes and magnetic voice ……, if the other person wasn’t a model and couldn’t play basketball ……, would I still be with him or her? A man’s appearance is the first productivity.
Sixth, a brief chance to spend time together
You share a certain job with each other and often have to work late together, so you feel in love with each other ……You go on vacation for three weeks, meet a man who also comes on vacation, and you feel like falling in love …… A short period of time together means that you get together under special circumstances, not routinely, and the relationship doesn’t last because a short period of time together doesn’t allow you to fully understand the other person’s personality.
Seven, choose this object only for the sake of rebellion
Parents always emphasize to you to find a rich object, but every boyfriend of yours is poor; since childhood, parents have been strict with you, but every girlfriend of yours is very casual; since childhood, father has told you that passing the incense is the most important thing, but your girlfriend is either
If the person you choose is always making your parents angry, it’s likely that you just want to rebel and you feel you must prove something to fight back, and when you can’t control your choices, you don’t really love each other and the relationship is doomed to be fruitless.
Eight, the other person is not a free agent
I saved this for last because it can’t be considered a relationship at all. The first prerequisite for choosing a lifelong partner is that the other person is a “free agent. A “free agent” is someone who is free to date you, who is not married, who is not engaged, who is not in a relationship, who is not sleeping with anyone else, who is single, who is only dating you.
If the man you fell in love with promised to break up with another woman sooner; or if he said he didn’t love that woman, he loved you; or if the person he was with accepted your existence and they weren’t going to break up, but he wanted to be with you for a while; or if he just broke up, but might break up again …… these aren’t Free agency.
Don’t date someone who is married or with someone, no matter what the excuse is, the result is the same, you are doomed to heartbreak. Don’t forget, you’re just accepting the part of another person with leftovers.
The choice is yours, the responsibility is yours, and you have to choose the right person. If you are in a relationship and you are one of the eight relationships talked about above, go get counseling, don’t waste time, there is someone better waiting for you.