Women in love are most afraid of meeting a scumbag, but who hasn’t fallen in love with one or two scumbags? The most fear is that in a relationship with a scum, you do not know that he is scum, and do not even know that they are controlled. A cunning scumbag will twist your thoughts, actions, and desires to make you fit more into his world and mold you to serve his own purposes.
Warning #1: He will blame you for his own insecurities
The scumbag often blames you for his insecurities in order to control your reaction to him. For example, “The reason I don’t let you have guy friends is because I’ve been unfaithful by my girlfriend. You can understand me, right?” Yes, of course you can understand, but no matter what he says, he shouldn’t dictate your social relationships.
“I’m sorry I did that stupid thing, but I was just so scared you would leave me!” This is also a common excuse for the scumbag when you accuse him of overdoing it. The main purpose of this excuse is to get you to stop focusing on the awful thing he did and instead understand his misbehavior. But it’s important to note that there is a clear distinction between genuine concern and “being controlled by a scumbag”: concern comes out of love, while “being controlled” comes out of guilt.
Warning #2: He will make you feel guilty and guilty about everything.
The reason you are controlled often starts with guilt. If the scumbag can convince you and make you feel guilty about your actions (even if you didn’t do anything wrong at all), then he knows you’ll be more willing to do what he says. For example, “I mean, dinner was fine, even though it wasn’t what I hoped for, and I probably would have preferred something else, but as long as you’re happy, that’s totally fine with me. I love you, so it’s important to me that you feel happy, even if it makes me set aside what I want.”
Do you hear what he’s saying? Understand how he makes you feel guilty? On the surface, he’s a boyfriend made for love, yet a dramatic reminder: guilt is not something a loved one should experience. Scumbags also try to make you feel like they are trying to “love you”, so you are more than willing to set aside your own wishes to satisfy them to make yourself feel like “I love him as much as he loves me”. This is a very sick “hook-up”.
Warning #3: He’ll make you question yourself
Wonder Why are you so easily controlled by a scumbag? Because the scum “raped” you with his logic, you no longer trust your own judgment. The actual fact is, the scumbag took advantage of your “uncertainty” and used it to deal with you. He constantly points out your “mistakes” and emphasizes that he can do better. He points out your weaknesses and then tells you that with his help, you can do better and be a better version of yourself.
Slowly, he convinces you that he has you in the palm of his hand, that he’s focused on your best interests, when in reality he doesn’t. He only holds himself in his heart and cares only about himself. They slowly twist your mind until you see him as a guide in every aspect of your life. Once that happens so, then basically whatever the scumbag tells you to do, because now you trust him more than you trust yourself.
Warning #4: He will make you responsible for his emotions
The scumbag spends a lot of time making you feel like you can’t think on your own and have to ask his advice on everything – but then, ironically, he turns around and makes you responsible for his negative emotions. For example, if he’s sad, he’ll think you made him sad, and if he’s angry, then you better check yourself, because clearly you did something wrong. They have taken away your sense of self because they made you feel “completely out of control” and now they are expecting you to take responsibility for their emotions. It’s insane.
Warning #5: He made you believe that “what he wants is what you want”
In the beginning of an intimate relationship, we all have our own needs and things we refuse to accept, and that’s a natural thing. Compromise is inevitable when you integrate two people’s lives into one. But what is not normal is that you feel compelled to completely set aside your own needs and desires in an effort to satisfy the person you are marrying. And if you start to realize that the person you’re marrying is meeting far more needs than you’re meeting, then you may be married to a “scumbag”.