Women are more nostalgic than men. Each lover is like a familiar song, people are gone, the tea is cold, but the memory is still around the beam three lives.
One of the reasons: remembering him by chance, and his s phone number was easy to find.
Ann, 29, was back in her hometown town on business when she passed by the entrance of her alma mater high school, and the familiar sights and smells brought back instant memories of her high school days and her first boyfriend. She got the boy’s phone number from her mother and dialed his number out of her curiosity to know if her former lover was okay. They had dinner together and shared memories of those good old days.
Benefit: Satisfied ego’s curiosity and vanity because he still remembered those past events from years ago.
Downside: One such reunion is enough, don’t abuse it. Otherwise it is difficult to keep even the good memories. In fact, everyone knows it in their hearts: the past will never come back.
Reason #2: Because he once said he could always dial his cell phone number if he wanted to.
Xiaowei, 36, recalls: I broke up with him because I brought it up, and he was very upset. The last time we met, he was in tears, and it was heartbreaking to see a grown man crying like that. He said I was a permanent pain in his heart. But he understood my determination because he really couldn’t give me the happiness I was looking for. He said I could dial his cell phone number whenever I wanted. Every Christmas since then, I have called him, and I have been guilty of having hurt a heart that loved me so much.
Benefit: In a man’s tears, a woman’s vanity is satisfied. Comforting a broken heart is something all women are willing to do.
Bad: Men are much more forgetful and vindictive than we give them credit for. When the trauma in his heart subsides, your image and status in his mind will have completely changed. While you are still calling him in a tone full of apologies and care, he is probably muttering inside: this woman is annoying enough, always not knowing the right place she is in.
Reason #3: A woman calls her old lover to invite him to her birthday party.
Excuses. A woman wants to see her old lover again, but a solo date would make her feel awkward and she doesn’t know if the other person is open to such a date, so she is willing to use some important anniversary party as an excuse to have her old lover show up with the crowd. 32-year-old Mary invited her old lover to her birthday. But in her group of friends and family, his appearance seemed very sudden, he did not know who to talk to, standing in the corner by himself. It was a very awkward reunion.
Benefit: Satisfied the woman’s vanity. He is still willing to accept our invitation.
Downside: It’s clear he’s starting to regret coming to the party. He won’t be as receptive to your invitation next time.
Reason #4: The breakup was unforgiving.
Why do you love each other, but in the end you have to separate? The relationship is a permanent pain in a woman’s heart, and she decided that he was the most suitable person for her in this world. Now that the objective circumstances have changed, is it possible to start over?
Charlene, 27, recalls: My time with him was the happiest of my life, and after him, I’ve never met another man who could make me so happy. I called him, but he never answered.
Benefit: A woman can think of it this way: He refuses to answer our calls because he is still hurting from the love he lost and he doesn’t have the courage to face us again and lose us again.
Thinking this way can satisfy a woman’s vanity.
The bad: Life is cruel. Our wishes are often unfulfilled. He relentlessly denies our requests to meet.
Reason #5: Women are willing to call an old flame because they feel he is the only person they can talk to about their woes.
Effie, 22, says: Every time I get depressed, I call my ex-boyfriend and talk to him about my troubles. He’s not just a friend; in my mind, he’s a lover forever.
Benefit: Satisfies the ego’s vanity. Does this man still have the patience to listen to us, and does he still love me?
Downside: This kind of confiding is best not to become a habit. Knowing that he should have a new love life, what will his current girlfriend think if he always gets your dumping calls in the middle of the night? Be realistic and don’t always indulge in fantasies. We’re in his past now.
Reason #6: Women call old lovers because they still love him.
Says 36-year-old Shuya: He left me and I was devastated. A year later, I still couldn’t get him out of my mind, so I called him. He came and spent the night with me, but I realized that everything had irrevocably changed and I could no longer face him with the same mentality because his departure had brought me so much hurt that it was impossible for me to forget it all. This reunion is the last time we will ever see each other.
Benefit: It’s good that the woman didn’t cry when he left this time. We can be completely free from the shadow of this failed love affair.
Bad: Women realize once again that a man, without our permission, can change his love for us, and that there will be no punishment for his betrayal. Life is cruel.
Reason #7: Time sometimes needs a little bit of rewinding.
Women will always need proof that love can last forever.
Reading Ming, 35, has been married for 10 years and regularly dates her old flame: “I can call him at any time and he’ll do his best to come see me and we reminisce about old times together. ”
Benefit: Satisfies a woman’s vanity. At no time is it a woman’s sin to create a warm and fuzzy environment for herself.
Downside: Basically, there is no downside. Just what will your husband think of you if he finds out?
Reason #8: The single life can be overwhelming at times.
Lisa, 31, said, “After I left him, I’ve been living alone. One night, I was so lonely that I asked him to have dinner with me. But the moment he showed up at the door of the restaurant, I understood once again why we couldn’t be together and that I didn’t love him anymore.”
Benefit: A woman understands that a celibate life is perfect when there is no love.
Downside: Spending some lonely, hard nights alone.
In fact, the biggest difficulty with old lovers is how to understand the failed relationship between them and how to properly view their current relationship.
Is it love? Or is it friendship?
Being overly attached to the past can psychologically, if not substantially, ruin the present. Most men do not believe that friendship exists between the sexes, and they come to see you either out of love that has not yet been extinguished, or curiosity, or a reluctance to refuse your kindness. After a woman knows this, she might be a little more cautious about dialing that number.
Memories are beautiful just because they are past and no longer able to hurt us. By making them present, they become a sharp sword again.