Exploring the reasons why a “small” woman falls in love with a “big” man may help you identify your deeper desires. Maybe you’re stuck in deviance because you’re too hungry in this area, or you’re too lacking in this area and you’re desperate for compensation.
Reason #1: Too much affection for your father
Sometimes, your too much affection for your father can cause you to favor and prefer older men later in life. This is because, during the long childhood journey, you are used to your father’s indulgence and pampering, and you are also used to your own pampering and capriciousness towards your father, and you are bent on lovingly following your own capriciousness, although your age has entered adulthood, your mind is still that of a minor child; perhaps you can enter the social role in your work, but it is difficult to step out of the world of childhood in your feelings, once the love has sprouted in your heart
The way you are used to behaving is bound to lead you to an older man who is quite similar to your father.
Objectively speaking, a young girl living with an older man may not be unhappy, but only if you have love and know how to exchange truth for truth and pay love with love. If the other party gives true love to you, and you are self-centered in every way, or completely want him to obey your pulse, I am afraid that such unequal love is difficult to maintain, and even your relationship will clash or fracture.
Reason 2: Loss of childhood fatherhood
Because you have always subconsciously longed for a father, it is difficult to hold back your primal longing when you look for a love partner.
If you’re looking for a father, it’s hard to let go of your primal desire to be with a father, because you have no experience with fathers, and your desire for a father comes mostly from your fantasies.
If you see him and feel compensated for your fatherless childhood, then rather than finding love, you have found the partner of your inner deficit. Although reparation and love are often similar, they are not essentially the same: love is production, reparation is consumption; love is positive, reparation is negative; love is giving, reparation is taking.
If you have been living in the fantasy of longing for a father’s love for a long time, it is imperative that you get out of the shadow of your childhood. The reason is that only when you get out of the shadow of your childhood can you face your future life; only when you get rid of the fantasy can you find your preferences, and psychologists tell us that longing on the one hand inevitably brings repression on the other. Perhaps you need the cheerfulness, dynamism and enthusiasm of your peers as much as the next person, so forget the discomfort of your childhood; once you step out of its haze, you will find sunshine outside your house.
Reason #3: Seeking protection from older men after falling out of love with younger boys
Out of revenge or retreat, you no longer dare to hang out with young and irresponsible boys who, you say, are immature, and you believe that only a truly mature man can give you security, so you choose an older man who can almost be your father. The big man. But after experiencing the pain of lost love, a girl who is obsessed with feelings seems to easily develop the opposite change; once you want to find someone you love, now you think it’s more affordable and cost-effective to find a man who loves you. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Perhaps your fascination with big men is that you don’t want to give, you just want to take, and if that’s the case, even if the other person is willing to give, you won’t be happy being loved. The joy of love is not the result of sitting on the sidelines but of hard work and sowing. Once you learn to sow love, perhaps the charm of the big man will be diminished. You have to believe that only through your own labor can you collect a love of your own.
Reason #4: Love dreams of a thoughtful girl
There are statistics in the West that a frail, thoughtful boy is prone to fall in love with a mature, older woman. Likewise, a sentimental young girl is easy to seduce by an over-aged older man. This is because, sentimentality is often the product of more thought. No thought will not have sadness, no thought more will not have sense. The problem is that a woman’s romance often comes from her narcissism, which in turn deepens her romance, and her fascination with older men is mostly a product of that romantic sentiment.
What’s more, her pain is not in the relationship itself, but in the fact that she doesn’t want to develop a romance, but just wants to keep it romantic. For, she likes crushes better than relationships, and she likes the sweetness of a crush alone better than a confession. She is just living in a dream world that she has constructed for herself. If her lover is really good, it doesn’t matter. If he is not at all as good as she thought, her wishful dream will be shattered, and she herself will be hurt by the shattering of her fantasy.
No one is an island and can be completely self-absorbed. Perhaps you and he can’t be happy in your dreams, but there is always a time to wake up from your dreams, and there is always a time to grow up, and instead of waiting until then to regret the past, you should face the present and cherish yourself. Perhaps it’s not wrong for you to think much about precociousness and repeatedly fall in love with older men, as long as you know who you are, what you want, and how to do it, you will be able to master your own life and pulse.
These are the psychological reasons why small women always fall in love with older men.