Today we’re going to talk about why most guys before marriage and after marriage are like two people.
Before marriage, my husband called himself almost several times a day, but after marriage, but rarely call, sometimes overtime even a greeting;
Before marriage, often sweet words, but after a year of marriage, he will not say these words;
Before marriage, when pursuing, send all kinds of small gifts, prepare a surprise, after marriage, he will only calculate with me;
Before marriage, he But listen to me, he will do whatever I tell him to do, after marriage watch a TV, pick the air conditioning temperature are fighting with me ……
In my consultation cases, there are a large number of consultations are complaining about their husbands.
So why is there such a big gap between guys before and after marriage? What are the reasons?
Men and women think differently about relationships
Men face a lot of things in a focused way of thinking and do a thing with a clear purpose. I finish something, I have to get it done.
For example, on the matter of starting a family in a relationship. In a guy’s perspective, get you done the way you want, and as soon as I marry you I’ll have achieved my goal.
It is said that men go from slave to general from before to after marriage.
Many guys feel that once this girl is willing to marry them, they can turn over the serf days afterwards.
Men, because of this focused mindset, after settling the matter of marriage and achieving his purpose, he will focus on other things, such as his career.
So his focus and concentration is only on you before marriage.
And a lot of men will think that marriage is the suspension of love.
Women think quite differently. Women are diffuse thinkers, and this is especially evident in relationships.
Marriage is a continuation of love, and women will feel that after marriage he should be better and more important to them.
The difference in the way men and women think is evident in the “shopping” thing.
When a guy wants to buy something, he will drive straight to the supermarket or brand name store, buy it and drive home, not shop more, and go straight to his goal.
Women tend not to be like that at all.
Many times women go to the supermarket without a clear purpose, like to look and shop around. So many times they often buy things back that they don’t use.
Because men and women think differently, they approach the marriage situation differently, leading to more changes for guys before and after marriage.
The position of men and women in a marriage relationship is different
In most marriage relationships, the guy is the candidate, the one chasing, and when he is a candidate, his main goal is to get into this college.
When he gets and marries you, his status changes.
This is normal, just like many people work hard in high school and then decay after they get into a good college.
Actually, whether it’s true for guys, it’s actually true for girls.
Reaching different stages may present different states, and there is a common saying that a daughter-in-law becomes a mother-in-law.
When you’re a daughter-in-law, you may be oppressed because you don’t have any rights, but when you become a mother-in-law, you will treat your daughter-in-law in the same bad way that your mother-in-law treated you in the first place, which is the same thing.
So the difference in position will cause us to handle it in different ways.
Overall, for whatever reason, guys do have the potential to be prone to present differently before and after marriage, so how should we deal with it?
1. Before getting married, when choosing a partner, pay attention to whether the guy is the kind of person who does things only by looking at the results and not the process.
If he only looks at the results, then facing marriage might be the same, I’ll get this person first and marry them.
Then I think you have to be careful, if you have a choice, you don’t have to choose him.
2. When you meet someone who is like this, it’s not necessarily impossible to choose, you can also go very well to cultivate.
That is, you have to have this growth mindset of guys.
What does it mean to have a growth mindset? It’s that you’re good to me for life, not that it’s just for a temporary fix. You can say to him:
It’s normal to have more important pursuits in your life after marriage, but it’s more important to be happy in your life together after marriage. I think it’s important to spoil before marriage and even more so after.
Just like students, relaxing after college has something to do with the relatively less objective kind of education that our teachers have.
Many teachers will say, study hard in high school so you can play in college, and no one will care about you in college.
This perception is actually wrong.
College is more important than high school, and you can do better in college by studying well and spending your time after school on learning or professional as well as social skills to improve your skills for future jobs.
Many girls will have a common problem of looking too much at how guys pursue themselves before marriage, and not looking at how they say they want to be nurtured after marriage.
As a girl, you can do a great job of developing the ability for guys to be consistently good to you all the time and develop that growth mindset.
So how do you cultivate a man’s ability to be consistently nice to you?
What do guys need to do?
As guys, to some extent, understand this kind of divergent thinking of girls better.
Then guys can hug their wife first thing when they get home, no matter how tired or hard they are, and ask her how her day was.
You can also send her some small gifts from time to time, not necessarily how expensive, and write some small cards and words of thanks to her.
3. Marriage should have a sense of ritual.
We usually say that the important days are good so that the normal days will be good, so the sense of ritual must be maintained.
That if we do these three points, relatively speaking, after the marriage will be very happy, will also be able to meet the girl’s little wish, then of course the wife will also husband very well.
Overall, guys may indeed have a post-marriage pre-marriage gap change, but it’s not terrible, as long as we master the way to apply it, we can take care of it.
I hope this post of ours can also help you in facing this issue of marriage and getting to know guys.
My name is Jordan Chen.
Blessings to you, with a light in the dark, an umbrella in the rain, and a good man along the way.