Many women are confused: why did I make him swoon yesterday, but not today?
In fact, men’s sexual needs change as they get older.
For men, sex is like a wild horse that they need to ride well, especially through the crises, flaws, and anxieties of a certain age. In their twenties, they worry about phallic size and premature ejaculation; in their thirties, they worry about whether they can fight continuously; in their forties, they worry about whether they can still get an erection during sex like they used to …… Men always see the emergence of these problems as a personal failure because they can’t completely separate self-confidence from sex.
So what should wives do about the downward trend in their husbands’ physiology and the upward trend in their mental vulnerability? The following experts will explain how men’s sexual needs change at different stages, and only after understanding this is it possible to find ways to keep a happy marriage.
Men in their twenties are never satisfied with sex
Men in their twenties are full of youthful energy and their body’s androgens usually remain at high levels, making it seem as if they are never satisfied sexually. For men, the perfect marriage should be a combination of sex and love, so intoxicating romance, tender kisses and frequent bedtime pleasures have become the marriage model that men seek.
While men still value the quantity of sex, they also value the quality of sex just as much – he needs to feel that he is good in bed and that he knows how to make his wife happy.
Young people think good sex should be frequent, orgasmic, and varied. Mark is 24 years old and he has sex with his wife about once a day. He admits that if their sex doesn’t stay great, the couple’s intimacy is difficult to maintain. “I think sex plays a very important role in maintaining the intimacy of the couple.” He said. “If you’re not sexually coordinated, sex becomes as boring as routine, and then there’s no attraction between you and each other.”
Wives who want to improve their sexual relationship with their young husbands, quantity would be a good place to start. Nothing gives you more pampering from your husband than opening your arms to him at all times, in the car, in the kitchen, and maybe even in the elevator. “I’m always prepared,” admits Edward, 26, “and my only concern lately has been to make the process longer.”
Premature ejaculation is something men around the world hate, and it’s a source of anxiety for many men. Some men get aroused easily, but can’t control themselves well enough before ejaculation. The problem occurs, of course, because of overstimulation, remembering that men of this age get turned on by the slightest stimulation. “I can get an erection just from sitting there and thinking about sex.” Jackson, 27, said, “Sometimes a girl walks by me and just the smell of perfume turns me on.”
Part of this hypersensitivity of the sensory nervous system in men comes from women. If you want your husband to be in better control, your wife’s caresses on his genitals during sexual foreplay should be light and brief; prolonged stroking can easily cause him to lose support before he gets to the subject.
If a woman-on-man position is used, this will reduce his direct stimulation and result in prolonged sex. Changing positions can also bring new stimulation to the man, but be careful to use any movements that cause him intense arousal: move slowly and stop as soon as he signals that he is close to orgasm. Some women think that they have just had a baby and that their bodies have not yet returned to normal and think that they will certainly not be able to make their husbands feel happy and satisfied. In fact, there is no need to be stressed because the sexual appetite of a man in his twenties is more like a quick meal than a feast. That is to say, even if it is a little regretful, it can still make him happy, and that is the situation at this stage. The argument for men is roughly similar – “Even when sex isn’t so perfect, it’s still good.”
A man in his thirties who doesn’t want to have sex?
For most men, turning thirty is a new chapter in life, with the focus gradually shifting from bachelor parties to career and family building. Personally, I jumped into my thirties with both feet: between the ages of 29 and 31, I got an unstable but fast-promoting job, my wife and I bought a house in the suburbs and had a beautiful daughter, which was a huge life change. It was like a break in a long haul. When the days of the twenties fade away, that’s when men start to mature. This is the time to build family relationships and have children, from which they can derive a special kind of satisfaction.
The usual overload of work and increased family burdens continue to sap your strength, and sex gradually diminishes in your daily schedule. “It’s been much less than it used to be, and to have sex you have to make reservations in advance to get it.” Robert, 39, says, “It’s just too exhausting, sometimes the kids are a headache, sometimes you have to work late yourself and your significant other has to get up early in the morning, and just think, is it possible for anything romantic to happen in bed under those circumstances?”
For men, it’s a nerve-wracking, maddening phase of life, and it can be hard to squeeze time out of your daily schedule to give sex, and sex is often used to relieve stress. If the couple’s sexual rhythms are in sync, such sex is good. But what if the wife’s sexual demands are stronger than the husband’s then what to do? Well, it can be booked in advance – at 8 pm in our convertible, remember to bring wine …… This will be an effective way to arouse romance. Wives need to understand one thing: the busier your husband is, the less romantic he will feel, and don’t expect him to change all at once. If you act too eagerly you can cause him to stress and even feel guilty that he is neglecting your needs. You can use less sexy methods to ease him into sex in the evening after a busy day at work. A massage is not a bad way to go, or watching TV together is fine, and the bottom line is to take the pressure off him and he will respond to you positively and enthusiastically.
After all, for men at this stage of their lives, sex is a strong bond that keeps them together as a couple, and can serve to restore intimacy quickly, despite the fact that couples always have a few bumps in the road after marriage. “We don’t talk much together anymore,” says Alan, 35, “but we have had wild, maddening sex together. Afterwards, we’d laugh out loud, ‘Oh my God, that was so good, why didn’t we do more of that earlier?'”
What a man at this stage wants most is to escape the pressures of work and family altogether, and a wild, passionate night will bring him that feeling more than anything else.
Men miss the wild and uninhibited nature of their bachelor days, so sexual variety will bring them back. So even if you’re a woman who sticks to the traditional, bland, male-on-female style of lovemaking, you should try new positions that break the mold and rekindle your husband’s passion.
The first thing to address is that he may not be as quickly aroused, which requires you to caress his entire body. Remember, the key is to get him out of his work musings and let him indulge in deep, passionate kisses and gentle caresses.
Wives should seize this opportunity to express their wild charms: put on beautiful, sexy lingerie and light candles. Let your husband know that you are not only a mother and a wife, but a woman. Women tend to go into a fixed mindset: he will love me no matter what. But know that just because he loves you doesn’t necessarily mean he has passion. So be sure you can continue to ignite his passion, and slowly, you’ll get to a point from experience.
Men in their forties are vibrant again
Nothing says maturity in a man like a man in his forties, and as soon as their 40th birthday passes, they immediately imagine that they’ve gone from tall, fit young men to toothless, senile, outdated old men like magic. In fact, there is no physical difference between a man in his thirties and a man in his forties, but there is a big psychological difference, and for the first time they feel fear, some even say “I’m forty, I’m dying”.
Suddenly, they start to take their health very seriously and take their diet and exercise back into account. Getting older is frustrating enough, and it’s even more tragic when it starts to affect sex. When prostatitis creeps up on them unprepared, it’s obvious that they feel the passion waning. “I’m gaining weight now, and that does affect sex,” says Bill, 44, “and certain body positions do take a little toll.”
It’s a big blow to a man’s self-esteem, and all the stress and disappointment culminates at this stage, which stems from the midlife crisis of a man in his 40s. “He starts to realize that his stamina is not what it used to be, that sometimes he can’t get an erection during sex or it doesn’t last long, in other words, he can no longer act like an 18-year-old.”
But things aren’t always so pessimistic. Men become better lovers in their 40s because they are more concerned about the quality of sex, not just “every night. When the power of raw masculinity starts to go downhill after reaching its peak, it is replaced by maturity and experience. It’s important for wives to let their husbands put their years of skill to good use, and it’s important for you to learn to subtly adjust your foreplay to accommodate the changes in his physiology – he needs more stimulation and more time to get an erection.
Men in this period may very much prefer the straightforward male-on-female position, because at this stage the sexual focus has shifted partly to proving his competence. So the wife can try to satisfy him, listen patiently to his Tarzan-like panting, and enthusiastically praise his ability afterwards.
The man in his forties is more attentive to the needs of both partners than ever before. He may have been an attentive lover before, but it is only at this stage that he feels true happiness and pleasure in satisfying you. This is the time when women really enjoy the sweetness of sex.
This is the time when you would do well to patiently guide your husband away from sex in the traditional sense, for example, where intercourse is no longer the mainstay of sex; occasional mutual masturbation would be a good substitute for intercourse. “When I was 30, I could do it four or five times a night.” Richard, 44, says, “Not anymore, but the orgasms are longer, more powerful and satisfying, so I don’t ask for as much as I used to.”
If a man’s sexual satisfaction was on a purely physical level when he was younger, that satisfaction now relies on love, commitment, intimacy, and the bond the couple has cultivated over time to achieve.