There is nothing more painful in love than when you see someone as the world after you are full of joy, and you come to the end only to find your world empty.
To be cruel, most of the pain of love is actually self-inflicted.
The so-called “pain” is inescapable from these three points: you can’t get it, you can’t love it, and you can’t give it up.
After a relationship, why do you feel pain?
In a sense, your love is too passionate, too forgetful, and you think that to love someone you have to give everything you have, to give your all to love desperately.
But what happens is that you become a licking dog when you don’t get love. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you want to do.
The first time I saw you, I was a little bit of a jerk.
You are suffering because you love someone and forget to love yourself. You have eyes only for love, only for the other person, but you have never taken a good look at this bruised self.
A deep love does not last, and a full love overflows. That’s the truth.
When you are young, you always look forward to love and think you have the whole world when you meet someone. The company’s main focus is on the other person, and it takes out 10 percent of its heart and energy to protect them.
But when you give your 10 percent, the other person doesn’t give you the same amount of love back, but instead is bullish and unimpressed. The first thing you need to do is to ask yourself if you’re not doing enough, so you start to give more.
And what happens? The more you try, the more heartbreaking it is. The more careful you are, the more futile it is.
Young people, real love is not like this.
No one deserves to be your whole world, and nothing can take over your whole world. Your world should have not only love, but also ideals, life and self.
Likewise, truly loving someone must not mean that you treat them as if they were your whole world. The first thing you need to do is to be able to make a better version of yourself because of a love affair, and then take the other person’s hand and show her the whole world.
A love that begins with self-inflicted suffering is bound to end in a very sick and irredeemable way.
You need to understand that in the world of adults, love is really not that important, and it is not worth making someone suffer so much. The reason why you feel the pain of your heart is because you are angry at yourself for not being able to do anything about it.
If you really walk through the mud of love, you will eventually realize that no one will ever be the only one for you, and no one can promise to never leave you. The only person in this world who will not leave or betray is yourself.
When a person is no longer willing to be a licker, no longer willing to be a spare tire, no longer willing to be humbly entangled.
It’s not that the person is rational, or that the person is open-minded. It’s that this person has realized the true meaning of love: no one deserves this, and if you want to make yourself worthy of being loved, then you must learn to love yourself painfully.
When a person can learn self-respect and self-love in love, even if it hurts, but not so much as to stay up all night; even if it will be lost, but not so much as to be indispensable to him; even if it is not available, but one day one can meet a better person.
So a failed relationship, some people don’t get anything out of it. But there are others, who love to the end, gradually fall in love with themselves.
The pain in love is not really terrible, time and new love are the medicine to calm your pain.
What’s really scary is that you’ve experienced the pain, but you haven’t learned anything but to be sad, and when you move on to the next relationship, you’re still repeating the same failures as before.
Love is actually a valuable growth for both parties.
The price of growth comes with varying degrees of pain.
But the scars will always be scabbed over, and whether you treat it as an injury you can’t face, or as a merit badge for growth, you choose a different approach and are destined to go down a different path.
When you choose the former, even if the other person is no longer hurting you, you will still uncover the scab again and again, making yourself hurt again for a long time.
While choosing the latter, the pain of a failed relationship is only temporary, it can inspire you to be a better version of yourself, and will make you stronger and more worthy of a better person.
Very literally, the pain you can’t get actually comes from your personal value not being worthy of your own vision. The hurt you can’t keep actually comes from not being able to find a better replacement after the loss.
If you don’t love yourself and can’t grow in your relationships, then the pain of not being able to do anything about it is the most heartbreaking and irreparable.
A simple sentence on the Internet is enough to make you toss and turn, and a picture of a loved one is enough to make you think about it.
You know, young people, it doesn’t prove how infatuated you are, but rather it shows your humility, your desperation, your powerlessness.
So then again, what is the most painful thing in love?
It’s never the person you love so much that causes you instantaneous pain. It’s that you lose yourself and lose your way because of someone who doesn’t love you.
He is simply not the one for you, and you have to have him. He can’t be there for you until the end, but yet he still has to fight with himself.
It’s the self-inflicted suffering that is the source of the suffering.
There are many right people in this world, and love can be replaced. But to get yourself to reap the love in reason, it’s not your humility, your infatuation that counts, but you have to be worthy.
At the end of the day, the so-called settling for the right but loveless person is not that the world is too realistic and cruel. Rather, it comes from your self-abandonment, and at the end of the day, as the years push on, you have to settle for second best.
There are three final words of advice for you:
1. When you don’t want to think of someone as your world, someone will naturally invite you into their world.
2. When you don’t want to keep anyone, someone will naturally be willing to stop for you.
3. Love yourself well, and you will find that “the pain that you have demonized” is really not worth mentioning in retrospect, which is funny when you think about it.