The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China has always been a difficult one for families. Uncover the real reasons behind the difficult relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that young couples can navigate and old couples can handle family relationships better!
Parents in healthy families love their child deeply and raise him, not to share that outcome for themselves, not to stick with their child forever, but to push him out of the house and into a wider world where he can live an independent and autonomous life.
On the contrary, if the parent-child relationship (including in-laws and husband, husband and child, wife and child) overrides the couple relationship, two of the most common problems arise:
These two go hand in hand. In fact, if there is a bad mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship in a new family, it is generally inferred that there was a bad mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship in the mother-in-law’s previous “new family”. And that bad relationship allowed the mother-in-law to establish a very close relationship with her son. For this mother-in-law, her son, not her husband, is the person she is closest to, the person she can’t let go of.
So when her son is separating to find a lover and start a new family of his own, how sad she will be as a mother-in-law. She would feel that she had lost the most important person in her life, so she would intentionally or unintentionally prevent her son from having the closest relationship with his daughter-in-law.
And the son, he used to know that he was the most important person in his mother’s heart, and that he was more important to her than his father. In the past, he was proud of this, but now, he wants to “pay back” his mother. So he couldn’t bear to “betray” his mother and build the closest relationship with his wife.
This is the psychological secret of many mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationships that are difficult to live with.
On the contrary, if the most important person in a mother-in-law’s mind has always been her husband and not her son, then the separation of her son is not so hard to bear. On the contrary, she will rejoice that her son has found the person he loves most and he can have his family, his life. At this point, this mother-in-law will bless her daughter-in-law and her son who is about to walk the same path of happiness that she and her husband once walked.
What is bound to separate is not the most loved To create a healthy family system, the couple’s relationship must be placed at the forefront of the family. However, our cultural traditions do have a tendency to value the parent-child relationship over the husband-wife relationship. It is as if the conjugal relationship is merely a vehicle for completing the transmission of the family, a vehicle to serve the elders and the younger generations. But no matter how much you love your parents, you will eventually have to leave them and go live your own life. No matter how much you love your children, they will eventually have to leave you and go live their own lives. And your spouse is the one who will really be with you for the rest of your life.