Your significant other is called by the wrong name; his eyes linger too long on your best friend; he gets excited at the mention of a female colleague …… jealousy is thus ignited. The jealousy – a combination of possession, suspicion, anger and shame – can make you lose your mind, and whenever you think of that “rival”, a strong sense of threat comes over you like a violent storm.
Whenever you start a love affair, this green-eyed monster – so says Shakespeare – is always on your mind: whether it’s madly in love, or not very much in love, or even if you don’t like the other person very much. Both men and women are jealous creatures – though women are more inclined to win back men’s hearts, while men seem to value money and status more and will give up love to protect their pride and face.
Jealousy afflicts other species as well.
Primate scholar Jenny Goodall once described a female chimpanzee named Parson who, when her partner ignored her and began pursuing another female, would wiggle her butt in the classic (for orangutans) “come to me” pose to the other young male.
Parson insults her partner in this way. The blue mockingbird is also a jealous animal. Evolutionary biologist David Barras conducted an experiment with a pair of breeding-age blue robins. While the male was away from the nest, a stuffed male robin was placed on a branch three feet from the nest, where the female rested. When the male returned, he kept circling over the nest, emitting a coarse, harsh call and pecking angrily at his lover. Then the male began to attack the female, ripping the feathers from her wings. The female had to flee.
Why do we get jealous? Psychologists usually blame the devil of jealousy on childhood trauma or a sign of psychological problems.
But the truth is that people who are unfulfilled, insecure, or overly dependent on others are more likely to be jealous. But the monster of jealousy has evolved from some positive factors.
The positive effects of jealousy.
Throughout the history of human love, jealousy has kept many lovers from breaking up and has been the bond that has kept many families together.
At the same time, jealousy can make a woman determined to leave a bad man who is married and still sleeping around to find a more valuable and meaningful love. Even for love itself, jealousy can sometimes be a good thing.
When one partner in love is in a frenzy of jealousy, how can the other partner not gloat over their own charm? Or when you find another woman flirting with your man, wouldn’t you be jealous and bring out the best in him, making your love burn even hotter?
The negative effects of jealousy
But jealousy can sometimes distort human nature.
Some people become the pastime of the monster of jealousy, they feel their self-esteem damaged by jealousy, and even push their loved ones into the arms of others – isn’t this the consequence they fear most?
The worst part is that others become violent as a result – jealousy is also the leading cause of domestic violence worldwide.
So what do you do when jealousy is causing you a lot of pain?
First, figure out if he’s really cheating on you. If so, then you’re facing a completely different problem: You have to seriously consider whether to end the relationship. But if you find out that you are snooping into his life, or snooping through his emails, then stop it now. These actions are just costing you your own life. You can tell him that you’re trying to control your doubts and need him to help you do it.
Another result is that perhaps you end up realizing that you will never feel safe with such a flirty man around. That’s when you can think about the saying: walk out that door and the sea will open.