Every year on November 15 – World “Anti-Domestic Violence Day” between Tuotuo and Yuyao talents “elevator” incident caused social concern also let us reflect on why domestic violence repeatedly occur, can not be eradicated, then Why does domestic violence occur? Why do men behave in this way? Can domestic violence be prevented? The men of domestic violence have more or less the following psychology.
1 Sexism: The vast majority of perpetrators are men who believe in male superiority and male dominance over women who believe that violence can be a reasonable and effective means of getting the victim to commit, submit, and be reasonable.
2 Internal and external double faces: perpetrators use violence in the home to control family members to relieve psychological pressure to behave outside in accordance with social standards.
3 Excessive jealousy: the perpetrator has incomprehensible jealousy, jealousy is the anxiety of the jealous person because of the fear of losing a person, emotion, status, or benefit.
4 Dependency: Most aggravators are still unconfident, unloving, and insecure getting the victim to comply through violence is one of their means of gaining confidence and security therefore they are willing to commit violence but not to divorce.
5 Pre-personal self-harm or death: If the victim wants to leave or divorce the perpetrator tends to self-harm to death to achieve continued control or manipulation of the victim’s behavior.
According to the survey, the incidence of domestic violence in China is between 29.7% and 35.7%, of which more than 90% of the victims are women, and about 100,000 countries dissolve their marriages with violence every year.
So can domestic violence be eliminated? In fact, before the 1st slap doesn’t come there are some precursors of language Zhan Yan took the family to see what the language is?
1 I understand better than you do, I’m doing you a favor
The desire to control is the initial source of imbalance between two people When one of the two people always uses “I’m doing you a favor” to help the other decide everything, the relationship is out of balance and in danger
2 You can’t do anything without me
The isolation of the other person through emotional harm cuts off all the relationships around the woman who has no mental or financial independence and has lost her ability to connect socially and is in conflict and pain in the relationship
3 It’s not my problem, what does it have to do with me?
“Indifference” is a spiritual wound that refuses to have any relationship with you ignoring the other person’s needs emotionally creating a state that makes the other person unavailable or unfulfilled leaving the other person in a state of deep angst etc. ……
4 If you walk out the door ……
Mental harm also includes “threats” “suicide” and other ways to do blackmail, using such soft restraint to reach the other side to compromise
5 It’s not my fault
All abusers have a common characteristic that they will explain, confess, and say “I’m sorry” after they return home, saying something about why they have such language. In most cases, there is a root cause such as lack of education, traumatic childhood stress and dizziness, mental illness and other states that can lead to the root cause of violence, but this is not a reason to let “it” exist, so we have to catch the root cause before the first slap comes, and the perpetrator’s behavior can be avoided.
Healing from domestic violence: both partners need to be very clear that their problems are unconscionable and that it is time for the victim to take the first step to try to get out of control, understand why they are victims, and know how to limit their violence again so that they can get out of their current state (the trap) and re-establish a new relationship as equals.