Every couple wants to respect each other and raise their heads together. But in the face of life’s big and small chores, even the most harmonious couples inevitably disagree and argue. A report published in the journal Psychology Today points out that learning to argue properly can help couples resolve conflicts and improve understanding. For this reason, American gender scientist Barton Goldsmith gives the golden rules for couples to fight.
1. Don’t argue in front of children or outsiders
Always settle disputes in private Resolve disputes, especially not in front of your children, so as not to make them feel insecure. If your child sees you arguing, be sure to let him or her know that you have resolved the problem and made up. Don’t let outsiders hear your argument either; that could lead to an escalation of the war.
2. Don’t rush to judge and label the other person
“You’re just a lazy person”, “How come you can’t do any chores well” and other similar summative language will make the person being accused depressed and more reluctant to cooperate with your demands, ultimately leading to a tense family atmosphere. Try to look at the other person’s behavior from a holistic perspective. He may have poured a glass of water for you silently, but forgot to tidy up the cluttered desk. Careful observation and soft words warm the heart more.
3. Don’t be calculating about property issues
Equality between spouses It doesn’t mean being calculating about household chores, possessions, etc. Never emphasize that you make more money during an argument, which can make the other person feel disrespected.
4. Don’t slam the door and walk away
Try to gently express your feelings. Making aggressive gestures, being grim and red-faced, or simply storming out the door only makes you more rude or spiteful, and makes it harder for the other person to change from the inside.
5. Don’t be silent
If you have a slight disagreement with your partner If you have a slight disagreement with your partner, you will be silent and sullen, the problem will not be solved and will only hurt each other’s feelings. If you respect different points of view, the other person will be willing to exchange ideas with you, so that you can get along comfortably and have a heart-to-heart.
6. Don’t just blame the other person
Blaming the other person’s fault doesn’t make the problem better. Instead of making the problem better, it is easy to make the other party rebellious and more difficult to reach a consensus. Learn to share responsibility when it’s hard to tell right from wrong.
7. Don’t keep bringing up the past
Once you get into an argument, some people
Once the argument starts, some people not only raise their voices to increase their momentum, but often bring up old stories to “beat” each other, such as what the other person said when they weren’t married, etc. These topics will make the argument more and more, and it’s wise to argue about the facts.
8. Don’t just complain
Be proactive in solving problems, especially when When faced with difficult times, such as financial crises, marital tensions, and conflicts between in-laws and daughters-in-law, it is important to solve problems with optimism and come up with solutions that will benefit everyone. The more positive and optimistic the decisions made, and the more everyone’s feelings are taken into account, the better the results received.
9. Don’t be cold turkey after a fight
A reconciliation after a fight can make each other appreciate each other more as you go through another difficult ordeal. Giving each other a tight hug and a passionate kiss is better than giving each other the cold shoulder.