The most familiar stranger on the pillow: don’t let love bury the heart

Wife’s view: Since we got married, he seldom said sweet words to me. The company’s main goal is to provide a good solution to the problem. Now it’s harder than ever to hear him say “I love you”.

Husband’s view: We are a family now, I love her and she loves me, we know this very well, so why repeat it?

Couples in love seem to have an endless supply of whispers and vows after vows that are always touching. The company’s main goal is to provide a comprehensive range of products and services to the public.

It is true that life after marriage is much more realistic, but the only way to keep things fresh in the ordinary life is to continue the heat and enthusiasm of the relationship, so that both spouses feel happy in the trivial daily life. Otherwise marriage can really become the grave of love.

Learn to have pillow talk at night

Social competition is fierce and there is a lot of pressure on everyone. When you get home, you just want to rest and are too lazy to say anything more with your lover by your side. But you can let yourself gossip with your lover before going to sleep. It doesn’t have to be an earth-shattering vow, it can be a small thing that happened around you today, something interesting you saw and heard, which contains care and thoughtfulness and will definitely move each other more than sweet words. And the bed is a good place to solve many problems.

Rousing fond memories

Take out the yellowed love letters, the doll you were given for the first time, the movie that made you hold hands with each other, the pictures of you traveling around together, these are the memories of when you were in love. As life tapers off, we need to keep these passings in play. It’s a good idea to look back and see how far we’ve come, and the sweetness and hard work that went into it is sure to strengthen each other’s faith in the relationship and make us appreciate what we have now.

Continue to express affection

Give feedback on your spouse’s loving actions and express what you really feel inside. For example, if your wife can’t rest after work and cooks a big table, your husband should give her praise: “Honey, I love your cooking. If you do this again, you will make me fat!” The wife’s fatigue will be gone when she hears such words.

Communication is the most important tool in a marriage, and the essential element of communication is language. The most important thing that you can do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.

Family life taken away by career

Wife’s view: He spends more time at work than at home, he has endless projects and reports, and he goes out to clients on his days off. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product.

Husband’s point of view: I work so hard so that she can eat well and use good food.

They are not only not understanding, but they are also playing with me.

Both before and after marriage, we all want our loved ones to spend as much time with us as possible, and that’s human nature. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem. Any marriage needs a material foundation, and the way to get money is to work. What can we do when our spouse is particularly focused on work?

Understand and support

It’s good to have aspirations, a career, and aspirations, and we should be proud to have such a lover. Just because your spouse is career-focused doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. He/she is fighting for a better family life, and the other spouse should show understanding and support to the greatest extent possible. The other spouse should show maximum understanding and support when he/she is having a hard time, and share the joy when he/she is successful.

Make a marital “covenant”

It’s not a good idea to forget family responsibilities for the sake of your career. You can make a “covenant” to clarify your responsibilities to your family, such as one partner taking on more chores, having to do some things together, etc. Agree on the family development plan and then work together. The efforts can be different, the husband may be more outside the fight, the wife is more “logistical support”. And vice versa.

Never forget your role as “husband” or “wife”

At work, you’re the director and the boss, but at home, you’re the “husband” or “wife.

In the company, you are the director, the boss, but at home, you are the “husband” or “wife”, to do the “husband” or “wife” responsibility. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.

There is a story about former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher: One day, Mrs. Thatcher came home and knocked on the door for her husband to answer. Her husband asked, “Who is knocking at the door?” The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you’re getting into. But after waiting for half a day, her husband did not open the door, so she knocked again. Her husband asked, “Who’s that?” The first time she answered, “Your wife,” and within seconds her husband opened the door with a smile on his face.

Friendship or marriage, which is more important

Wife’s view: After marriage, he still likes to hang out with his “friends”, either drinking or playing pool.

They’re not the only ones who are interested in the world.

Husband’s view: Getting married doesn’t mean I have to cut off my friends, I’m already eating and sleeping together, can’t I spend some time with my friends? The world is a very colorful place, and even though marriage is a more important part of life, people form relationships with other people in society outside of their spouses. For young people, this is especially true.

Getting to know his/her friends

Having a group of mutual friends can be very helpful in maintaining family relationships. Do you know his/her friends? Do you know what they do together on a regular basis? If you are unsure about each other and want to be with each other, why not get involved in his/her twitter feed and become friends with more people. Just because he/she wants to be with his/her friends doesn’t mean that friends are more important than lovers. He/she must have something in common with his/her friends, otherwise they wouldn’t be friends.

Moderate distance

Couples should each keep a piece of free space in their hearts to move around. No one should try to dig in and transform the other, but rather try to adapt to each other and allow each other to have an independent personality, a unique individuality and a moderately free circle of life. “A small goodbye is better than a new marriage”, says the truth.

Don’t lose your friends

No one should be without friends, and some deep friendships are even longer and more sincere than love. Many young people who have just married have a deep attachment to their newly formed families, especially girls, and neglect their sisters who have been friends for several years. In fact, friends can not only give us help and support in all aspects, but also expand our circle of life, enrich our vision and increase our experience. After all, a family of two is a relatively small space, if only “confined” in this small space, then our lives and ideas will become smaller and smaller, narrower and narrower. This kind of life is boring and uninteresting, and lovers will slowly get tired of each other. Therefore, after having a marriage, you can not exclude the relationship outside the marriage. It is important to keep your hobbies, your twitter, and maintain those same hard-earned emotions. Only in this way can one obtain constant improvement and development of oneself, which is beneficial to family life.

Completely different interests

Wife’s view: He especially likes to hike and travel, while I like to stay home and read. Every time I see him out with his “donkey friends”, I feel lost.

Husband’s view: I’ve always wanted her to go on a trip with me, but she always says no. But I’m always at home with her. But I can’t stay at home and read books with her all the time.

Many interests were there before we got married, but they can be limited because of the marriage. The differences in life circumstances, education, life circles, and personalities make for very different interests.

Don’t try to change each other’s hobbies

While having the same hobbies makes the relationship stronger, however, it is not the only criteria for a happy marriage. The foundation of a happy marriage is genuine feelings for each other. In fact, it is very difficult to find a couple with exactly the same interests in real life. Don’t try to change each other’s hobbies or impose your own hobbies on each other, as this will only backfire. It is important to first respect and adapt, and then to bring the interests of both partners into a balance.

Learn from each other

Learn why this is a hobby for your spouse, and what joy and knowledge they gain from it. Let your lover share his/her joy and knowledge with you, and share what you have gained. This fills in the gaps in your own experience and knowledge, enriches your life, and fully shows your respect and support to your partner.

Try to accommodate

Husbands occasionally go out to play basketball on the weekends or play poker with a group of boys, and they can get that feeling of independence as a result. Some husbands like to fish alone and spend some quiet time in their spare time; some like to study model cars; some like to browse antique markets. No matter what your husband does with these pleasurable free times, as long as he doesn’t turn a hobby into a vice, a wife is the wisest wife if she can try to accommodate him.

Over time, love relationships change and renew themselves. In the early days of love, the frenzy of the heartbeat is felt all the time. We are eager to get to know each other better and discover new traits about each other. Then, after love has experienced its peak, everything tends to calm down, the novelty of love fades and the relationship between lovers starts to become rationalized. We should treat this emotional change correctly and give each other more understanding, support and free space. These changes are inevitable, and it may make you unable to adapt at once, or even panic. But on the other hand, change frees life from sameness and allows boredom on both sides to disappear. Even the most perfect love will encounter difficulties. When difficulties are encountered, as long as both parties approach it with a positive attitude and the right approach, then the problem will definitely be solved.

Expert opinion

When in love, the reasons for mutual good feelings can be summarized in two ways: the need for an ego (sexuality) and the need to pursue the ideal parental prototype in the family of origin. The family of origin refers to the family in which an individual is born and raised, usually consisting of parents, siblings, and other family members, and usually the parents (especially the parental relationship) have the greatest and longest-lasting influence on the individual. Family of origin plays a major role in early life experiences.

In relationships, the emotional connection between men and women dominates communication (cognition and behavior) and the rational, logical judgment of the brain takes a back seat, thus projecting and showing perfection to each other becomes the essence of communication; there is a great deal of tolerance between the two parties for each other. After marriage, as time passes, when one partner realizes that the expectations projected onto the other for the ideal parental prototype in the family of origin cannot be met, both partners quickly regress to the ordinary “male” and “female” roles, and mutual dissatisfaction, blame, disappointment and aggression between each other become fully evident. In love, emotional connection plays a decisive role in the maintenance of the relationship, and is a heart-to-heart connection rather than a rational judgment of the mind; in marriage, the relationship becomes very realistic, and both spouses will criticize with reason and a sense of gain and loss, seeing marriage and family as part of their own resources to own and control the other, thus losing the foundation of “unconditional love with heart” in love. “

I think it’s a good idea to have a good understanding of how to be in love.

When it comes to the “ideal parental archetype,” in many relationships, the girl subconsciously chooses the boy with her father’s qualities as her boyfriend, and the boy chooses the girl with her mother’s qualities as his girlfriend, at which point both parties “project onto each other. There are many cases of love at first sight and falling in love. After marriage, the “realistic” and “imperfect” coping posture of each person in the couple’s relationship as an ordinary man and an ordinary woman makes the rational domination of the “body, mouth and mind” the subject of communication. “The ideal “archetype” gradually breaks down, and conflicts gradually appear and intensify. These become a sense of the “cause” and “effect”. So, how to improve the relationship, especially in a crisis relationship?

1. Describe the proprioception.

There is a “freezing” feeling and a “freezing period” before and after a couple’s conflict. And to “break the ice,” reliving the wonderful feelings and romance of falling in love can be very helpful in connecting “heart to heart” rather than making rational “right and wrong” judgments.

2. Differences in the language of love

The need for the language of love persists before and after marriage, but the expression of it often varies widely. For example, when in love, lovers will often hug, but after marriage, hugging is rare. And when such a need is not met, complaints will arise. It is important for both partners to understand each other’s differences and needs for love language, and to tell each other how important it is to meet their needs for the kind of “feelings” they had before marriage.

In his book The Five Languages of Love, American psychologist Dr. Chapman says, “Everyone has an emotional love box, and different people’s love boxes are filled with different languages. There are five basic love languages: words of affirmation; moments of intention; gifts of acceptance; acts of service; and physical touch. Whoever feels the pain should make the change first. When problems occur, the first step is to look at yourself and examine your own shortcomings. Love each other, but do not depend on each other or manipulate each other, when appropriate to express their feelings and needs to each other, rather than rationally tell each other what he should do; while accepting each other’s role as ordinary men or women, respect each other are independent people, and therefore respect each other as independent individuals and privacy space. Everyone is not perfect, they all have strengths and weaknesses, they all have their own opinions, and therefore they are all real. Growing our own personalities in a couple’s relationship is a lifelong lesson! And how deeply couples “mirror” each other and “realize” each other, how deeply couples “nourish” each other!