“If you don’t flirt with a woman, she says you’re not a man; if you flirt with her, she says you’re not a superior man.” Eileen Chang’s words can be interpreted in this way today, everyone loves to be enveloped by a sense of ambiguous intimacy. Flirting is a lighter way of life, seeking a piece of freedom of movement in an overly heavy reality. So, what are the best ways to flirt?
1. Establish intimacy quickly
“When I park in the company garage, make a face at the man whose parking space I’ve taken and his anger subsides.”
–Bai, 23, fashion editor
“In the elevator, I ran into Xiao Wu from the technical department and immediately stared at him and said: Your hair is more handsome than Daniel Wu. He was so happy that he quickly fixed my computer problem within a day.”
-Amy, 30, director of a sales department at a foreign company
Tip: Moderate “flirting” can make you a popular figure in the workplace, and flirting doesn’t mean intimacy beyond your workplace relationship, it’s a lubricant for human relationships.
2. Turn passive into active
“When talking about business I met a stereotypical female client, meticulously flipping through contracts, and the atmosphere almost froze. I thought for a moment and said to her: You are so devoted when you work, but you look more beautiful when you smile than when you work seriously. Her expression eased up a lot.”
–Lu Qin, 35, sales manager
“When I met a new friend of the opposite sex at the dinner table, I offered to take out my phone and say: Do you want to see a picture of me going skiing this weekend? I’m pretty good at teaching people how to ski, when can we go together?”
–Jing Zhang, 21, student
Tip: Flirting is actually an interpersonal art, and the softness it creates avoids the damage that comes from communicating in a linear way that is too hard and loses wiggle room.
3. Compliment the person you’re talking to
“My neighbor on the train was a pedantic intellectual, and I said to him in a sincere and envious tone: you have attractive eyes. But I suppose you’ve often heard a lady compliment you like that. Then we chatted warmly and had a wonderful time on the journey.”
-Lily, 25, graduate student
Tips: Psychologists believe that we can develop our sexual selves and overcome timid personalities by learning how to flirt, a freedom that will be more conducive to enjoying true intimacy and creating a cordial and lively social atmosphere. In a casual, intimate, full of admiration to compliment the person you want to distance, do not be too serious. If your compliment is even a little less than sincere, the effect is sometimes even better.
4. Use some body language that shows closeness
“When you’re chatting, a girl’s hand on a guy’s wrist will make you feel better about each other, and I’ve tried this secret time and time again!”
–Lulu, 27, corporate employee
Tip: Body language conveys a wealth of emotion; you can look into the other person’s eyes while listening, and you can tap their arm in a cheerful conversation as a sign of friendship. Of course, these techniques must be used subtly and carefully, and it would be a little too much to step on a man’s foot under the table just after meeting him.
Link: The Psychology of Flirting Decoded
A flirtatious The confidence that people possess can be traced back to the early patterns of attachment that Ta formed with her parents. The German psychologist Brigitte? In his book “The Art of Flirting”, Busenkopf says that our mother is our first flirting partner, just as we can recognize ourselves with our own eyes in the mirror. At the same time children can learn some satisfying interpersonal behaviors from the mother as a role model: smiling, eye contact, interpersonal warmth and tenderness, confidence and trust.
If we grow up feeling worthy of love in our parenting, for example, boys interact smoothly, freely and equally with their mothers, girls can easily spoon with their fathers, etc. We will be more confident in our gender interactions.