How can we see the essence of love? Is it to love each other deeply? No. It’s about learning to hurt. It is to learn to be hurt. Because to experience love, you must let go of love. If you let go of love, there is a danger of getting hurt. Only by not being afraid of the danger of being hurt and learning to be hurt can we see love for what it is.
The first lesson of love is to learn to get hurt. This is not a negative mantra, but the first thing to do when building a relationship.
What determines this “first” is the nature of love.
What is love? Many people are puzzled by this and want to solve the mystery in the hope that they can get their own love faster and better. The actual fact is that, from a physiological point of view, love is just a hormone secreted in the human body, which gives a signal to the nerve center of the brain: you like the opposite sex. So, you then have a good feeling towards him. In turn, you want to leave this good feeling, master it. This is from the psychology of not getting it, so you want to have it, anytime, anywhere, when you miss it. This is the desire to possess. Possession of a person is a very complicated thing. The object of possession, because it is a separate human being, is even worse to master. No one is easily completely controlled by another, like even the most docile woman cannot do.
Because of possessing and being possessed, so much so that it gives rise to the many confusions about love that follow. However, from the beginning, love is just a hormonal command given to the brain. This hormonal command to the brain is not its own consciousness, but its instinct. It was meant to be that way.
When you look at this, do men and women in the pursuit of love have to ask: Is the pursuit of love the pursuit of these hormones? Is it necessary? We are crazy about this, but what is the pain? Scientists have researched a dose of injections that are sufficient to address this need. From a physiological point of view, yes. But the meaning of love for humans does not stop at the physical; the greater comfort lies in the psychological.
Many psychologists have defined the nature of love: love, an ephemeral and illusory emotion, represents the highest expectation we, as individuals, have of another body. Our love begins with a fantasy of another person – we all start by creating a vague “dream girl”. This dream lover may start with a real person of the opposite sex, a favorite idol drama hero, a character from a romance novel, a trait that we can’t get in reality, a hope that holds our emotions …… He may come from a fusion of one or several of the previous ones, but the inconvenience It is he who holds in his body one of our conceptions. Thus, although at some moments he is a clear and concrete image, the vast majority of the time he is vague and hazy, like existing in a dream.
We pile all our wishes on the ta, and then look for someone “like it” in reality and bet on our emotions. To determine whether a person is like him, generally start from the external conditions, such as physical appearance, external material conditions and the feeling of first contact. It is not difficult to find a dream man, but it is difficult to know whether there is a way to contact him, and whether he knows and can respond to the feelings invested in him. The first thing you find is often the best one that you can get in touch with human beings because of the animal properties of humans. But often the “highest”, are very dangerous. This danger comes from several aspects: one is not easy to contact. This means that it is difficult to receive a response, such as stars. The second is that many people are competing for you, you are one of the inconspicuous. The third is that this external seems to be a good fit for him, and he is not suitable for you after a long contact. Whatever the case, it represents a result: the feelings invested like a bamboo basket – an empty one. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product that will be used in the future.
This is the reason why most people’s first love is fruitless. Unless one is favored by the heavens, the results of a hit are rare, and the first time with no success is the norm. Next, we keep running around constantly searching, comparing, and modifying our dream girl until we find someone mutually acceptable before we consider settling down.
When ideals and reality fight, it always hurts. For example, ta should be very handsome, very beautiful, ta should be gentle, ta should understand me, ta should be dedicated …… but the result ta is not so, what will you do? Disappointment, disillusionment or loss of faith …… no matter what is lost, it is inevitable that “injury”, because the essence of injury, is “loss”.
I love you you don’t love me, you want to split I don’t want to put, third party, philandering, cheating …… The reason why there are so many problems with love is that the other side doesn’t live according to what you want. Two people, originally unrelated, have to use “love” as a connecting symbol to merge together – like water and noodles, both of which have to change form. You want to be comfortable and keep doing water, or keep doing noodles, and just let the other person change? No way. So, you can get hurt a little bit so that the water can be and the noodles can be.
Learn to face reality, it has to hurt a little; learn to integrate others, it hurts a little more. The process of getting hurt is a process that love is bound to go through, and you want to enjoy the beauty of love to the fullest, at least a little bit of resistance to wrestling ability. If there is no process of injury, that initial dream man will always be hazy, because without the complement of experience from reality, he can’t materialize. So, instead of getting more and more certain in your pursuit of love, you remain at a loss, without purpose, and keep wasting time and experiences along the way. This is what happens when you are afraid of getting hurt.
Forbidden to fall, you can experience N different styles of love in your lifetime.
Those who can’t take it after one fall will feel that there is only one “true love” in their life and will say goodbye to love with the pain of the first fall.
Those who can’t fall, keep poking their heads in the door of love, and occasionally commit sour grapes.
Three types of people, there is no good or bad, “love” and “hurt”, depending on how you choose.
If you want love, get hurt first, it’s no big deal. The wheels of life cannot be without friction, and this injury is the friction that helps you move forward. The first thing you can do is to congratulate yourself for taking the first step towards love. This is a successful step in the pursuit of love. When you find yourself in reality hand in hand half of your life, past hurts will turn into sweetness in the next at least fifty years, slowly return on you.