There are many ways for couples to get along with each other, so why do some couples get along easily and others always fight? Here are the top 10 taboos for couples to get along.
1. Don’t be suspicious.
Don’t think you know everything about your lover’s thoughts and feelings, and nine times out of ten, you’ll be wrong. This is often the scenario in marital crises: catching suspicion makes both people angry, difficult to communicate, and eventually the relationship breaks down.
Suggestion: Take a piece of paper and complete the sentence “I guess my lover would ____ think I am (to me)” directly according to your intuition. Then, check with your lover to see if the guess is correct. As a result, you will find that many of your guesses are wrong. When in doubt, the best thing to do is to ask him directly.
2. Don’t take your lover for granted for what he or she does for you.
It’s important to express gratitude to your lover by eliminating three major negative attitudes: a sense of entitlement, unrealistic expectations, and staged forgetfulness.
Tip: Write down the big and small things your loved one has done for you. Ask yourself if you have expressed gratitude for these things and how they were expressed. Keep expressing gratitude for 1 week and you’ll see the difference.
3. Don’t blame each other.
“It’s all your fault!” “You made me do it, and because of you, things are in a mess!” It’s easy to say a complaint like that. The words “What am I responsible for?” are rarely uttered. It’s easy to say, “I’m responsible for what happened,” but rarely.
Suggestions: Write down what you are complaining about your lover, then ask yourself what you are responsible for, and then discuss and find a solution.
4. Don’t explain nonsense.
“I kind of understand why you’re so critical now, you’re just like your dad.” This type of analysis that seems to understand the motivation of the loved one’s behavior only leads to anger.
Advice: Understand why you’re angry, learn to listen to your lover’s point of view in an open and loving way, make your lover understand that you’re listening carefully with non-verbal ways like glances, and finally offer constructive suggestions.
5. Don’t be afraid to say “no.
The practice of sacrificing your feelings to satisfy the other person may seem helpful, but it is insincere. And it’s hard to have intimacy in a marriage that lacks sincerity.
Advice: Being honest is more likely to win your lover’s trust and deepen your relationship. You can list all the things you are afraid to tell your lover in order of difficulty. Then, starting with the easiest one, try to tell your lover the truth.
6. Don’t use silence as a weapon.
Silence is a deadly weapon in a couple’s relationship.
Advice: Write a letter to your lover expressing the reason for your anger and what is bothering you, and use a positive attitude to strive for communication and understanding between the couple.
7. Don’t be deliberately provocative.
Choosing to indulge yourself emotionally or physically is more of a provocation. For example, depression, reckless spending, suicide, etc.
Advice: Find a place where you can both talk calmly for 30 minutes, then figure out what behaviors you are adding to your loved one’s life and self-reflect on each one.
8. Don’t defy your lover.
Couples should avoid words that diminish each other’s self-worth. For example, “Why are you so lazy!” etc.
Suggestion: Make a list of all the “how you are” sentences, then replace “you” with “I” and try using “I
Try to communicate with your loved one using sentences that begin with “I.
9. Don’t threaten your lover.
Verbal or physical threats and abuse inevitably lead to marital conflict.
Advice: When you are angry with your lover, make sure you learn to control your anger. For example, stay in the room by yourself and hit the pillow with both fists or something else until your anger subsides. It’s better to shout out while hitting, but make sure no one else hears you. After your anger is gone, write a letter to your loved one about why you’re angry, being careful not to complain, but to write about how you were hurt.
10. Don’t look for outside support.
Couple conflict is like two countries at war, with each side trying to enlist allies to support and strengthen their position. But the presence of a third party is not conducive to couples communicating and getting to the root of the conflict between them.
Suggestion: Both parties can calm down for a few days, each considering the gains and losses in the marriage relationship and writing out what they need to improve; after a few days, they can communicate with their lover face to face.