Can a man and a woman have a simple friendship? New research shows that it is possible, but in friendships, men are more “sexually interested” in women, and men are more likely to overestimate their partner’s affection for them. In most cases, sexual attraction is a burden in a friendship, not a benefit.
Paper author April Bleske-Rechek, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, said she believes that men and women do want to be just friends, but the data show that opposite-sex attraction does come into play.
Evolutionary psychologists typically focus on sexual or familial relationships, which help pass on an individual’s genes. Eppley and colleagues are interested in how heterosexual men and women respond to the sexual attraction that may arise as they build pure friendships.
For the study, published April 25 in the Journal ofSocialandPersonalRelationships, scientists recruited 88 pairs of college-age heterosexual friends for a survey. Participants individually answered questions about their friendships, including how much they were attracted to each other. Participants were asked not to ask each other for answers even after the experiment was over.
The results showed that men are more attracted to women. The researchers said that overestimating a woman’s interest in herself is something that often happens in men. Interested in a female friend, or say you would consider dating a female friend? For this, the tendency is as great for single men as for men who already have girlfriends. For women with boyfriends, the situation is similar, although fewer say they would consider dating a male friend.
To expand the survey beyond the school setting, the researchers asked 107 more young adults (18-23 years old) and 322 adults (27-55 years old). The number of opposite-sex friendships was lower for the older adults than for the youth group. All agreed that opposite-sex friendships were beneficial, though nearly half of the youth also said that the attractiveness of the opposite sex in friendships was a hassle.
The researchers say that this finding cannot be interpreted to mean that there can be no simple friendship between men and women, that “just being friends” is possible, and that we just might have to overcome the nature of our evolutionary history. The modern social environment is changing rapidly, and we have many new opportunities to meet and spend time with friends of the opposite sex, which may not have been the case in the past. It will take us a while to adapt.