Some netizens say that it has become a new trend that women love hot violence and men love cold violence in post-80s marriages.
A few days ago, it was reported that a 22-year-old woman had a fight with her husband, hacked him to death with a knife in a fit of rage, and returned to her mother’s house in a frank manner. In the investigation afterwards, neighbors reported that the woman often used violence against her husband, while the man seemed to be a natural “coward” who did not fight back and suffered in silence.
The PK stand: When hot violence meets cold violence, where does marriage go?
Men’s side of the camp: women’s little violence, sometimes cute and sometimes disgusting
Interviewee Wu Kai, 27, securities industry
First of all, I’m embarrassed to say that I have a “Hedong lion roar” at home now, and every now and then I have to suffer her “nine yin white bone claws”. In fact, just fall in love that will find her is a relatively irritable person, if there is any disagreement, she will immediately pink fist to serve. That may be in the hot period of love, but I think she has quite a personality. But after entering married life, the little violence that once seemed a little cute became so disgusting.
On one occasion, we had an argument about the elderly in the family, and it was already 12:00 at midnight when she picked up something and threw it at me. Perhaps not feeling relieved, she grabbed the photo album and threw it at me, the edge just hit my forehead, not bleeding, but I felt the hard pain. In that moment, she became very hateful in my eyes, “good men do not fight with women”, I fled the scene. The first time I saw her, I was in the mood to explain to her, and my marriage was in a state of exhaustion.
Women’s camp:
Husband’s cold violence makes me cold
Interviewee Qin Yuanyuan, a 26-year-old accountant
Two years ago, I got married, and my husband is 29 years old and runs his own consulting company. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product, which is a new product. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public.
He has never been foul-mouthed, let alone hands-on. Whenever there is a conflict, he just stays quietly in the study and lets me scream outside.
After two or three days of indifference, he usually finds an excuse to ease our relationship, and the day seems to return to calm, but my heart is getting colder and colder, is he holding back or does he just not care about me?
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Netizen Hot Topic: Beating the Pervert and Fighting the Little One
Women hot violence is necessary?
●The current living environment, whether in the workplace or in life, demands more from women, to “beat the wolf and fight the mistress”, and women’s character is infused with more toughness, which is necessary for society.
(Netizens are not afraid of anything)
●Everything is a dynamic balance of one thing and another, and I always feel that there is a “revenge” element in women’s slogan of “equality”, from half of the sky to most of the sky, soon to be a sky! And many men can not accept the sudden and powerful counterattack of the posture, so the conflict arose …… whether cold violence or hot violence, for men and women caused the same damage. (Netizen Hedong)
●To be honest, I have been beaten by my girlfriend before, nothing, really, it is said that a survey said that 40% of women have slapped men, women beat you, or because they love you, when she does not argue with you one day, do not mess with you, see you as air when you are really miserable. Men are used to cold violence to cope with each other, in fact, this killing power is the most. If you still want to continue married life, the time of conflict or to “interact”, of course, the gentleman moved not hands, bear in mind this one.
Expert perspective
Respecting the natural laws of human nature, communication is the most important
Qiu Shaobo, director of the Marriage and Family Work Committee of the Chinese Social Work Association, said in an interview: Compared to the post-70s and post-60s, the post-80s marriage is indeed
The phenomenon of “hot violence for women and cold violence for men” is mainly related to the educational background of only children.
Only girls are stronger
“A large proportion of young people in the post-80s are only children, and their parents have given them great hope since they were born. ‘Move your mouth, not your hands’ code of conduct.” Qiu Shaobo points out that parental influence is important in the development of a child’s emotional intelligence. Some little girls may vent by slamming doors and cups when their demands cannot be met, while boys hide in their own space and do not talk to their parents. The parents are distressed, compromised, and unconditionally satisfied. Over time, the only child is accustomed to this mode of dealing with problems, but when this approach is applied to the marital family, it highlights many conflicts.
Second, in modern society, women and men have the same family responsibilities. Some women are the backbone of the family, are strong, and don’t worry about the consequences of hot violence. The men, on the other hand, do not want to be labeled as “violent”, and this is when silence becomes cold violence.
The children are bewildered when the wife lectures the husband
“Women love hot violence, men love cold violence”, and whether this is a good or bad way to handle the situation in a marriage, Qiu Shaobo said. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem, and to help the company to find a solution to the problem. When a woman wrestles with her dissatisfaction in married life, she actually wants to face the conflict and resolve it, but this approach chills the other side, and the intimate memories of the past will be gradually thrown into a corner, and men with restraint often choose to be silent at this time, feeling the hurt, reinforcing the hurt, and ultimately is to avoid the conflict and end up in divorce. In addition, if both parties already have children, it will also bring a lot of trouble to the children. In traditional education, the father presents the child with a tall, strong image, and if the mother “wrestles” him all day long, the father’s dignity will be lost, and the child will feel this in vain. In today’s society, the emergence of “pseudo-motherhood” also has this effect. We promote women’s rights, but we can’t overdo it, we have to follow the laws of nature in everything.” Qiu Shaobo suggested.
Setting “careful moments” to communicate
“We are against hot violence for women and cold violence for men, and we don’t support hot violence for men and cold violence for women, communication is the most important way in marriage.” The couple can reach an agreement on a 10-minute “elaborate moment” as a communication time in their daily life, in which they can talk about their frustrations and stresses, but of course, in order to prevent negative emotions from skyrocketing, they should pay attention to adding some intimate and loving expressions for love deposits. When the two sides encounter conflicts, abandon complaints, violence and indifference, and try to sit down calmly to express their feelings and negotiate a solution.