I remember a boy wrote me a love letter in my sophomore year of high school, and I was scared instead of happy to receive it.
I had always had low emotional self-esteem and even thought I would be alone for the rest of my life, a mentality that made me defenseless against the opposite sex.
The second year after I graduated from college, I met Guowen, a former student of my mother’s, four years older than me, a graduate student, working in a research institute, with a moderate to high general condition, by arrangement of my mother.
After the match, I met Guowen every now and then, and he made a good impression on me. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public.
I was so moved by Guowen’s confession that, as I said before, the pallor of my love experience made me unable to resist any emotional assault from the opposite sex, let alone from such a deeply affectionate man, that I unreservedly agreed to his request and accepted his gift of affection on the spot
This is how the relationship began, but it was surprisingly uneventful. I had never been in love, but I knew from various literary works that love was pink and sweet, but my relationship with Guowen was very different. Perhaps it’s because of his personality that Guowen rarely speaks love to me, except for his first confession, and since then there have been no sweet words. We are mostly silent when we are together, either he sits at my house watching TV, or I sit at his house reading a book, and people who don’t know better would never think this would be a couple.
The longer we were in love, the colder Guowen’s attitude toward me became, and gradually I became a little afraid that he would suddenly give up. The first time I saw the company, I was able to get the courage to propose marriage, but I didn’t agree to it. He thought we didn’t know each other well enough and needed more time to find a tacit understanding.
I was so downhearted by his attitude that I thought, “Maybe he doesn’t like me. I was cowardly, but always a man with a backbone, and decided to break up again, but just as I was about to ask, Guowen suddenly made a 180-degree turn, and he agreed to get married and advocated a wedding as soon as possible.
Unwanted Guest
I was touched and felt ashamed of my own caution. I was so moved and ashamed of my own caution that I was so overwhelmed with excitement and joy at the time that I never gave much thought to the reasons for Guowen’s change of heart. Guowen and I got married in 2004, and had a child the year after our marriage, and it seemed to me that the days were uneventful and fulfilling. When my son was three years old, Guowen had an affair, which I discovered by pure chance. For a long time, I trusted Guowen as much as I trusted myself, until the woman came to my door.
One day in late 2008, I was at home tidying up the house when a strange woman called and asked to talk to me. When I asked her who she was, she refused to say and just asked me to come out. The company’s main goal is to provide a platform for the development of a new generation of Chinese companies.
We met in a Western restaurant, where the woman politely asked me to sit down, and I had the presence of mind to look her up while I was in a panic. Compared to her, I am a different kind of person, plain-faced, unkempt, and frankly, yellow-faced. This feeling makes me feel bad, psychologically first self-bitching up.
The woman began to talk, very politely, she said she was a colleague of Guowen’s, the two have been good for a long time, from before Guowen and I got married began to have an affair, when Guowen had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend, had not yet met me, he was depressed, often confided in her, the two grew affectionate. But at that time she had a boyfriend, dare not overstep the mark. Then later, Guowen married me, she also soon married …… woman like telling someone else’s story, the tone of voice is not shocked, she said she and Guowen’s official start is in 2006, the relationship progressed rapidly. She and her husband divorced in 2007 for the sake of Guowen, who also promised to divorce her as soon as possible, but he broke his promise.
The woman spoke for two hours, the first half of which was filled with sweet memories, the second half with sad accusations, and she came to me with one goal in mind – to show me the true nature of Guowen, a man with a heart of gold. This is a man with a human face and a beast’s heart, his creed in life is deception. The woman wept at the last moment, saying she was sorry, but she had paid the price for it, and the reason she told me the truth was that she wanted me to wake up as soon as possible and get out of Guowen’s clutches.
I’ve never been good with words, and I only acted as a listener that day, knowing only that I should have been righteously angry and could have even gotten up and slapped the other person, but my cowardly nature made me sit there and let my heart turn over, but I could only shed tears in silence.
When I got home, I hesitated whether to tell the truth or not.
The past is unbearable
After a full week of silence, I finally couldn’t help myself. The woman and her story were told to me, and Guowen listened in silence, smoking in silence, his face shrouded in smoke, unable to see the gloom and doom. After a long silence, Guowen spoke up, saying that he and the woman did have an affair, but never as close as she said, the woman only saw his position and wanted to get benefits from him. He said if I would give him another chance, he promised to break off the relationship with the woman and never see her again.
Guowen’s promise was exactly how I wanted it to end. I just wanted to speak up about it and let go of the baggage in my heart, and never wanted to break up with him. I nodded my head in agreement almost immediately: if you’ll just turn around, it’ll all be as if it never happened.
That day, Guowen was so excited to talk about it that he even told me the story of his ex-girlfriend. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.
That relationship experience hit Guowen hard, and he has lost faith in love ever since. In order to verify whether they can love again, Guowen played with a female colleague for a period of time, but ultimately could not find the feeling back. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public, such as the Internet, the Internet, and the Internet.
The answer to the riddle I had been working on all those years ago finally came to me, why did he go from refusing to proposing in a short time? Why did he turn his mind around so quickly? It turned out that it was his ex-girlfriend’s marriage that killed him and I was just a substitute. The truth makes me discouraged, as a woman, self-esteem was the greatest degree of injury, replaced by others, may be angry and divorce, but I do not dare, and do not want. I’m a coward, I don’t have the courage to change my life, I’d rather hold on to my disability, I’d rather hold on to a man who can’t love, a man who has no passion.
After this incident, Guowen and I became more and more distant. Perhaps to avoid it, he went to the field. At that time, their unit ran a branch office in the field and needed to send someone there, and Guowen was the first to call for a report. From then on we lived a twocity life. The first time, Guo Wen remembered that he was a husband, a father, every other day there will be a phone call, ask the children, ask me, but then it was lazy, once a week, or even once a month, if I do not take the initiative to call, he may forget that he still has a wife, and children.
Drifting apart
When it comes to the kids, I feel even more aggravated. Now he is almost 7 years old, but shy and introverted, withdrawn and indifferent, the formation of this character has a lot to do with Guowen. The child was very young, the country often beat him up, scolded up no spectrum, what hard to hear scold what, hurt self-esteem words open mouth. I disagree with the way Guowen is educated, and I’ve argued with him to his face and fought with him behind his back, but to no avail.
Guowen spent a year abroad and came back as a different person. The previous indifference, but Guo Wen rarely fault me, as long as I do a wife’s responsibility, he never picky, but now not. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public, such as the Internet, the Internet, and the Internet.
I was very happy with the family pattern, the most stable way of life for a man to take care of himself and a woman to take care of herself, but after coming back from the field, Guowen showed a clear psychological imbalance, feeling that I was too idle and he was too hard, often forcing me to go out to work.
In fact, women who are housewives and men who genuinely love their wives know that housework is endless, yet the least visible and hard to see accomplished. I reasoned with Guowen, if I go to work, what about the children? What about the housework? Guowen had a strong argument: hire a nanny. I kindly advised him, I am now out to work, but only earn back two to three thousand dollars, just enough to pay the nanny salary, why the pain? The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem.
Guowen said less and less to me, and sometimes when I took the initiative to find out what to say, he just mumbled. Occasionally, when I suggested that we go out together as a family or watch a movie, he always said he was tired and uninterested. Gradually, I feel that this home is slowly losing its vitality, almost becoming a tomb, a grave of love buried. There were times when I talked to friends about this and they thought I was joking. In the eyes of outsiders, Guowen and I were a happy, happy couple, and they didn’t know the pressure I was feeling inside, didn’t know that our marriage had come to an end.
Since the second half of last year, Guowen has added to his problems, and he has started hitting people. In two arguments, he slapped me without mercy, slapping my heart out, such a person, living with him there is no meaning? I also began to think, this is obviously not good, maybe I really should go out and find a job, first of all, financially independent, otherwise, all my efforts will not be recognized.
Sometimes I think that maybe Guowen is using cold violence to force me to get a divorce, so I might as well give in to his wishes and let everyone off the hook. He is still so young, how can he face all this? Recently, I started to contact a psychologist, I think I have been suffering from a serious mental illness, maybe the addition of a professional can help me adjust my state, so that I can face the situation rationally. To leave or not to leave, I need a healthy state of mind, don’t I?