Suddenly I have nothing to say to my partner. If you had asked me about this topic when I was clueless, I would have said: there must be something wrong between you. The other person doesn’t love you. If you love each other, how can you have nothing to say?
But if you ask me now, I’ll tell you: there’s not much of a problem. Hang in there!
Actually, many people around you are not good at talking. If you talk to him purely, you may find him boring, but if you do something with him, you will find him interesting. However, many people can’t accept the state of having nothing to say. It’s hard to stick around and find the fun inside someone if they can’t even chat.
I don’t know if you’ve ever wondered why we are so afraid to talk.
Aggression itself is a form of self-protection that protects us from reasonable expressions of anger and rejection.
But at the same time there are things that can’t be expressed directly. We have to suppress them and express them in another way, like cold violence, not talking to you, passive aggression…
So ignoring itself is actually a symbol of aggression.
Neglecting the other person is attacking the other person. We are afraid of silence, of not having anything to say. In fact, we fear such aggressiveness.
The essence of the fear of being left out is that we are always afraid of being alone, afraid of being cared for but ignored by the other person, afraid of not being bad, afraid of being abandoned.
In order to try to change this, we need to know, why does it create a state of having nothing to say?
Besides digging into malicious tricks and being emotionally irresponsible, I’ve probably summarized a few situations:
1. I don’t really have nothing to talk about, I just don’t want to talk about it. Many times, couples have nothing to say to each other as a result of a long-term vicious relationship. For example, I want to tell you, “I went out for hot pot with XXX today and it was delicious. Next time I’ll take you with me.” .” But as soon as I think about it, you’ll start asking “Who is XXX?” The first time I think about it, you’ll start asking “Who is XXX?” and then a series of maddening questions, and lose the motivation to share the thing. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Next time still want to take you, but do not want to talk, do not want to save. But a long time in this state will make the crisis of trust between the two people more and more serious. The solution is not to dwell on whether you don’t love me when you don’t have anything to say to me. The more pressure, the easier it is for people to withdraw. Instead, you need to change the way two people communicate, express openly and honestly, and slowly smooth out the dynamics of asking questions.
2. I can’t express myself, but I long for my heart to move, but opening my mouth is a conversation ender. Here I give you two ways: one is to express both the situation and your feelings. For example, what happened today made me feel quite annoyed. When responding to each other, don’t just focus on the facts and give a direct solution, but rather, on the basis of respect and understanding of each other’s feelings, wait for the mood to ease down, then together think of a better solution and let the other person choose for themselves. Be direct when expressing love, don’t beat around the bush. The other party should respond clearly when expressing love. The second method is based on the person who won’t do it. If you are already in a relationship and can still be together and can’t express yourself, then say less and do more. Do some intimate actions and let the other person feel your love in the action.
3. Life itself is too monotonous and there is a lack of life intersection between the two. The truth is that our lives are always repetitive and monotonous most of the time. Daily communication seems to have said all that needs to be said. If we stick to what we have to talk about, we will find it meaningless. The best thing to do is to leave each other space and expand each other’s interests. No need to keep talking, for example. You like to brush up on your shaky voice. When you see an interesting video, you share it with the other person. First, you can make it clear to the other person that you are thinking about him even if you are not talking to her. Secondly, which video you are interested in is a new topic for you. But it is not recommended to keep it normal all the time and try to create more intersections and good memories of the two people’s lives. For example, go to a place where someone always wants to go and accomplish things that couples can do together.
4. When it comes to the term of the letter, there is nothing more to say. Another reason doesn’t mean there is conflict or problems between you. Sometimes, you are just in a new phase of love: the term of faith. You stop trying to understand each other because you already know each other well. Knowing that you don’t use words when dealing with many things, instead you read them.
In fact, love doesn’t need to be about that novelty all the time. It seems that love cannot continue without passion and conversation.
In fact, the most comfortable state for a couple is to not be deliberately intimate, to not send twitter messages, but you stand together and any fool can tell you are a couple.
Then chatting for no more than a few seconds; want to sleep just say I’m sleepy; borrow money without stuttering, open each other naturally to transfer money; girls go out without makeup for a long time; boys have no money, no need to swell fat; have difficulties to discuss, who humble and nothing to say; walk on the road without holding hands, even if a word is not said, will not feel awkward.
This way you can be perceived as real and start to fit into each other’s lives. You get a sense of each other’s family, past, friends, hobbies, dreams, and future.
Does it even matter what you call a conversation topic at that point? You don’t even remember this anymore.
If your love, from the beginning to the end, has only great joy and great sorrow, and when the sweetness is gone, really just because of some impulse, you are together for a while, no matter whose problem it is, it will not end well.
Many times we have to accept that the other person is just an ordinary person. The ordinariness can be seen in the process of getting together day in and day out. You have to accept this stage of not talking or even not wanting to talk. If you are always looking for another “feeling of love” at this stage, there is a high probability that the next stage will end up the same.
Many times, the pain is not that you have nothing to say, but that you keep trying to stay the same.
Don’t let the crisis breed, suffer and fall into chaos. Relax and ask yourself, when the novelty wears off, when you really have nothing to say to each other, do you still want to go with the person in front of you? Are you still in love with the person in front of you?
If the answer is yes, then you just need to see what the other person chooses to do. The two of you look at each other and see the plain and ordinary one. You two are still full of love, your hearts beat for each other, and you can unspokenly enjoy everything that is yours…