For many people, finding a good partner can be difficult. They seem to meet the “wrong person” all the time. Yes, they keep dating, but each time they fall into a relationship that is not satisfying. In my opinion, this is due to the following 5 reasons.
1. Expecting love that wasn’t meant for them
Some People are just obsessed with the feeling of the pursuit. They love to try the forbidden fruit. They love people who often pay no attention to them, who are uninterested in them, or even nasty.
It’s human nature, and we all have a fetish: to like things that don’t belong to us. This phenomenon is called: “things are rare and valuable”. We always think that the harder it is to get, the rarer it is, the more valuable it is. However, this is not always the case.
Some people just can’t find the right person because of this “rare is valuable” trap. Sometimes it’s a sign of “ego” (I want to tell TA I’m really good!) to always pursue people who don’t belong to us. ); sometimes it’s a sign of low self-esteem (what can I do to make her love me?).
The antidote: stop chasing blindly. No one is really worth dying after. What you need to find is someone who is just right for you.
2. Being biased and narrowing down your options yourself
People tend to get hurt in relationships. So, they have to choose some ways to protect themselves. They find 2 ways they can do this without feeling disappointed and hurt.
One, they have low expectations of themselves and then always make excuses for their failures. In psychology, this phenomenon is called “self-imposed barriers.
In another case, they don’t have high expectations of others and gain a sense of superiority in underestimating them. This is called “prior judgment.
Both of these biases can lead to problematic relationships. Both leave themselves without the ability to see a really good subject.
The antidote: forget the past and open your eyes to see the people around you properly. The truth is that most people are okay and they are looking for a reliable love just like you are.
3. Think love is meant to be
For most people For most people, dating is a constant process of trial and error. Eventually, they find someone who appeals to them, who fits them, and who is also interested in them. All of this takes energy and effort.
But there are some people who identify more with the forces of fate. They feel that love is not in their control and they don’t put too much effort into it. They believe that they will always meet a soul mate who truly loves them.
In fact, these beliefs tend to make these people very picky and even reject people who are still good. In the pursuit of love, they become negative. Eventually, they also lack a sense of control over the love in their lives. So, whenever they meet someone who isn’t perfect, they get disappointed.
The antidote: Find someone nice, but don’t expect them to be perfect. Compared to TA, there are always better or worse people. The best is to find someone who is relatively suitable, those who are willing to cooperate with you and make appropriate changes for each other with them. Yes, it doesn’t sound that romantic. But that’s more reliable!
4. Not knowing what you want
Dating is a process in which we tend to go after feelings. But beyond the feeling, you’re also looking for the right person. The most important thing is to make each other feel satisfied. So dating often becomes like an interview again.
Some people, not knowing what they want, fall into a love affair. They allow their feelings to run wild, saying beautifully, “Enjoy the ride.” However, if you really want to get to a certain destination in your mind (marriage, children), it is important that you need a “map”! Instead of spinning in place and always finding people who aren’t right for you.
The antidote: understand what you want and how to find it. Think about where you can find such a person you want. Go ahead and enjoy dating! But don’t forget your goals.
5. A Failed Deal
All relationships (including love included), are based on a mutual exchange. In other words, we enter into a relationship for the sake of a transaction – the process of meeting each other’s needs, giving and taking from each other.
A healthy relationship means an equal transaction for both parties. Both parties can feel satisfied. But some people can’t get the balance right in a relationship! Some people like to give and in the end, they feel cheated, unappreciated, and even used. Some people think highly of themselves and are all about taking. They also feel frustrated once others fail to satisfy them.
The antidote: honest self-evaluation. You need to clearly see what you are giving in a relationship. Both parties need to maintain a certain level of equality. The kind of relationship that is always on one side should be avoided.
In order to find the truly right partner, we should refuse to chase the wrong ones, set aside our ego bias, stop relying on fate, and think clearly about what it is that we want. Take note of these issues, and you may find a good other half faster!