In this day and age, we have to face the reality that the presence of sex workers is a shock to relationships. They are like a cancer gene that comes with the partnership and can be activated at any time, posing a deadly threat.
And in addition to the sex that the ladies have to pay for, there are the impromptu one-night stands that happen in all kinds of social situations – as long as we are honest with our lives and honest with ourselves, we can’t close our eyes Or cover our ears and delude ourselves that it’s not real, that it would only happen to someone else – no, it’s human nature, and it’s the claustrophobic human nature that we all have to deal with.
A double attack from men and women
When told he went to find a lady or have one-night sex, many women feel a strong pain of being humiliated and attacked.
Being humiliated is the most intense emotional feeling wives/girlfriends feel, and that is like a deep swamp that cramps and squeezes the dignity of being a woman. “In this case, they have to compare themselves with the ladies, and this comparison itself, in itself, makes women feel intensely insulting. At the same time, the ladies are right there, strongly tempting the men around us, leaving our partnership in a dangerous state, which makes us feel both a strong sense of rejection and a kind of cynicism towards the ladies.” Said counselor Dong Rufeng.
Also under attack is our self-identity as a woman. “The thing about him going to the ladies, most women will blame it on themselves: I’m not sexually attractive and that’s why he’s going out; and, the ladies must offer better sex, etc. And these can evoke self-depreciation of women’s self-worth and sexual attractiveness.” Counselor Xu Weisu emphasized that the fact that men are looking for young ladies “has nothing to do with your sex appeal as a woman, and that’s especially important, so if you encounter this kind of thing, the first thing a woman needs to do is stop the self-attack.”
Blame it on the low segment of your love
“De-sexualized wives” – counselor Gong Xueping analyzes the matter of men going to the ladies from this perspective. “The legendary good woman good wife are family life decathlon, that is, no sex, and this view is absorbed by both men and women, is to ‘desexualize’ the wife, while the wife ‘mothering’, the function is divided It is clear that a wife is a wife, and the woman used for sex is outside.
The extremely childish way we think about sex is to make the world very clear, to categorize people for categories, so that the world is not difficult for each other and is very manageable, but this categorization is extremely childish. If we were mature people, we would acknowledge that there is a ‘slut’ living in every woman’s heart.”
“Wife sex and lady-paid sex are so different in nature, really. To a man’s deep subconscious, wife sex is within the framework of civilization, law, ethics and morality, it is agreed upon by public order and morality, and this sex is the prescribed action, that is, the sex that we feel is normal.” Autopsychologist and counselor Xu Jun said. This normal “sex with his wife”, is called by many men “to pay the public food”. The paid sex of the lady is a taboo, is not allowed by law and morality, men through this paid sex, both to break the taboo, but also to meet their naked animal sex. According to Xu Jun, paying has a psychological meaning: “It is a boundary of relationship and responsibility.”
It’s common knowledge that cheating is the biggest killer of marriages. Why are we attracted to it after marriage? Are there any differences between men and women in the reasons for cheating? There is. Men are sexually oriented, women are emotionally oriented.
Scientific research finds reasons for cheating
In the largest study to date on In the largest study of infidelity to date, Chapman University researchers found that men and women feel differently when it comes to cheating. In a poll of nearly 64,000 Americans, the study presented the largest test of how Americans of different genders and sexual orientations react differently when faced with potential physical cheating versus mental cheating.
A previous review of 16 ethnically diverse societies found that cheating was the most common cause of marital breakdown. Another analysis of big data from 50 studies showed that 34% of men and 24% of women were having sex outside of marriage. Cheating is even more common in couples’ relationships.
A total of 63,894 participants between the ages of 18 and 65 completed the survey in this study, with an average age of nearly 40. The results showed that heterosexual men were more likely than heterosexual women to be upset by each other’s physical infidelity (54% of men and 35% of women), but heterosexual women were more likely to be annoyed by each other’s mental infidelity (46% of men and 65% of women).
Participants were asked to imagine which thing depressed them more: their partner having sex with someone else (but not falling in love) or their partner falling in love with someone else (but not having sex). Consistent with the evolutionary view, heterosexual men were more likely to be depressed by their lover’s physical infidelity than heterosexual women, but were not as upset about mental infidelity as heterosexual women. There are no significant differences between bisexual men and women, and the same is true for gay men and women.
“Heterosexual men did stand out among all groups: they were the only group more likely to be ‘most frustrated’ by physical rather than mental infidelity,” said the study. ‘,” said David Fredericks, lead author of the study. Frederick (David Frederick), PhD, said. He went on to note that “both historical studies and test results based on psychological theories, especially those related to the evolutionary perspective, explain the attitudes of gay and lesbian versus bisexual men and women.”
Men and women deal with infidelity differently
Sexual and spiritual infidelity It can lead to harm to both men and women, including heartbreak, relationship breakups and painful endings, but also abandonment, inter-partner violence, and loss of property due to financial resources all invested in the affair partner.
“Men and women react to the blow of infidelity in very different ways, from intense and bitter jealousy to an elaborate desire to recapture their partner’s attention. Jealousy can also induce violence in the form of hurtful behavior, so it’s important to recognize what is most likely to trigger jealousy.” Frederick said.
The evolutionary perspective points to a problem that men will face that women never face: paternal uncertainty. They have no idea whether their child is genetically related to them, and there is always the possibility that the child’s biological father is someone else. In contrast, women never face the problem of “maternal uncertainty,” so while one would expect both men and women to experience sexualjealousy, men may be extraordinarily reactive in this regard compared to women.
Sexual jealousy is a psychological problem that almost anyone can face, some severe and some mild. The social incentive system, and this subconscious, makes men value this “carnal” attribution more.
Socio-cultural perspectives generally claim that there should be no differences between men and women. However, this study proposes that men experience socialization to have masculinity, which includes having strong sexuality. If a male’s partner commits the mistake of physical cheating, it can cause problems with his sexuality and discourage their masculinity. A partner’s physical cheating can have a more negative impact on a man than a partner’s mental cheating.
Women are different; they are taught to think relationally and to be emotional nurturers in their relationships. If their partner makes a mistake and cheats emotionally, it will hit their sense of self more than sexual infidelity.
“Whether men and women will react differently to physical cheating versus emotional cheating is highly divergent. Most studies are based on small sample sizes or college samples. And what we set out to examine was a broad and diverse sample across the United States.” Dr. Frederick said.
In line with the evolutionary perspective, each person’s degree of responsiveness to physical deviance and mental deviance is shaped by a combination of environmental and personal factors. Such gender differences cut across age groups, income levels, history of being cheated on, history of suffering betrayal, and type and length of relationships. Similarly these factors of age, income, and the presence of children were not associated with frustration with infidelity. However, younger participants were significantly more depressed about their partners physically cheating than older ones.
Women cheat more for love
Perhaps because men cheat The reason is that men cheat is more common and has become the default perception. The thing about cheating, women for love men for sex, in the public’s impression is so. Because love is more difficult to find than sex, so, women cheating has been considered rare. But according to the survey results, in fact, the cheating thing is really not gender-specific, but mainly in the body and mind.
Men cheat for sex, but what about women? Purely for love? Women cheat not only in the number of similar to men, in fact, the reason for cheating is not just for love. Putting aside gender, simply from human nature, women are also people, in the psychological pursuit of free spontaneity, when the society is bent on requiring women to be virtuous and virtuous, the woman confined in a certain area, the woman will also have a rebellious psychology. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem.
“Have you ever envied a seagull flying high? Or would you rather be a happy little bird, kept in a cage to be pampered?” This sentence speaks to the desire of women to pursue freedom while also hoping to be pampered psychologically, women are so contradictory, in the pursuit of love and happiness on the road, some people inevitably lost their way, lost direction, in the exploration of the road of self, always unconsciously fall into the whirlpool of love, women with families can hardly avoid, so cheating, cheating has become a way, some reasons, it has become a cheating
In the eyes of many in society, men are more likely to cheat. Because the reason for men to cheat is sex, this primitive desire brought about by human birth allows men to ignore who the woman in front of them is, and only needs the woman to meet his aesthetics. Therefore, men are prone to cheating and easy to return. For women, cheating for love is not easy, and it is not easy to return. In a marriage, both men and women need to understand that exclusivity and responsibility are the most basic basis for maintaining a marriage.