Before making arbitrary judgments, it’s worthwhile to look at some popular lies about marriage to learn the truth about it.
Myth #1: Marriage is better for men.
The truth: Contrary to popular belief, recent studies have found that men and women actually benefit equally from marriage, just in different ways, and that the idea that marriage is better for men doesn’t hold water. Men and women who are married live longer, happier, healthier, and wealthier lives than single men and women. Because of the woman’s stewardship, men live healthier lifestyles, and because of the man’s struggle, women have more money at their disposal.
Myth #2: Children bring couples closer together and make for a happier married life.
Truth: Many studies have shown that the birth of a first child tends to bring moms and dads farther apart, as well as putting more pressure on the marriage. However, given the children, couples with children do have a lower divorce rate than couples without children, and they are more cautious about divorce.
Myth #3: The secret to having a long-lasting marriage is romantic love and luck.
The truth: Older people who have lived their whole lives prefer “responsibility” and “knowing each other” to love and luck as the reasons for their successful marriages. They see their marriages as unique creations that include hard work, dedication and commitment. Happy couples share their lives together as good friends, with common interests and values.
Myth #4: The higher a woman’s education, the lower her chances of getting married.
The truth: A recent study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s came to the “new” conclusion that women with college degrees marry at a higher rate than women their own age with less education, although they may marry later. As society moves forward, the old days of “high education = old girl” are gone.
Myth #5: Couples who test their suitability to live together by living together before marriage have stronger marriages than those who marry without living together before marriage.
Truth: Many surveys have shown that couples who cohabit before marriage are more dissatisfied with their marriage after they get married, and a significant percentage eventually choose to divorce. One reason is that unmarried cohabitating men and women have a more casual attitude toward marriage and are not as faithful to their promises, and when problems arise, it is easy to choose the more evasive and irresponsible solution: divorce.
And, living together early on when two people see the truest side of each other can make a happy marriage more difficult. A recent study showed that two people who live together are lazy about improving their ability to resolve conflict with each other and don’t like to put up with too much for the sake of each other and their relationship. (There are exceptions, and if two people living together have plans to get married in the near future, then they are more likely to be happily married.
Myth #6: Modern people have increased lifespans, so it is not possible to have only one marriage in a lifetime, as it was in the past.
Truth: Unless we compare ourselves to people of long ago, there is no basis for this claim. The biggest reason you see in the numbers that the average life expectancy has increased is that infant mortality has been greatly reduced. Nowadays, even if you live that many more years than your grandparents did, because people are also generally pushing back the age of marriage, the time spent in the marital enclosure is actually about the same.
So the length of time the typical divorce-free marriage can last hasn’t changed much in the last fifty years. Many couples divorce before they have had a chance to live together to celebrate a significant anniversary (e.g., golden or silver wedding), and one of the most iconic is the “seven-year itch” of marriage.
Myth #7: If a woman is married, she is at risk of falling into the bottomless pit of domestic violence, whereas if she is single, she is not.
The truth: “Getting a marriage license for a man also means getting a legal license to box”. Women are more likely to experience violence from their families.
One reason for this conclusion may be that even when domestic violence exists, married women subconsciously hide it and “keep the family secret. Another reason is that women will not want to marry a violent man, and even if the violent element is discovered after marriage, they are likely to divorce. Thus violence in marriage, at least as reported in the survey, is much less common. Men in marriages usually don’t treat their wives with violence because of the love they are willing to allow.
Myth #8: Married people are less satisfied with their sex lives and have less sex than single people.
Truth: According to the results of a massive nationwide survey, couples are better off than unmarried men and women in terms of both the quality and quantity of their sex lives. Not only do they have the advantage in terms of frequency, but couples are more able to enjoy both the physical and spiritual pleasures of sex.
Myth #9: Cohabitation is marriage without a marriage license.
The truth: There are few benefits to cohabitation that come with marriage – whether in terms of physical health, property, or spiritual satisfaction. In all of these areas that can benefit from marriage, cohabitants have difficulty accessing them, and cohabitation is more like a simple combination of strangers simply living together. This is partly because cohabitants are not as completely devoted to each other as married couples, and are more concerned with their own interests than with each other.
Myth #10: Divorce is now like fashion, and unhappy marriages end it. Only those with happy marriages stick to the fence, unlike the past, when they would stick to their old age no matter how bad the marriage was.
Fact: According to the results of several large nationwide surveys, instead of increasing, there is a slight downward trend in the happiness of people in marriages. Certain studies in recent years have also shown that there is less and less communication and progressively more conflict in marriages compared to 20 or 30 years ago, when work pressures were significantly higher.