What kind of love do you want to have? Regardless of how it manifests itself, a love that is fulfilling for both people is nothing more than security, trust and responsibility. The three are interconnected and essential, and if one is missing, the relationship is not a successful one.
As you get older, you’ll find that a truly heartfelt relationship isn’t the same kind of drama as in idol shows, or the kind of head-spinning, blood-splattering country dramas, or the kind of slogans that the appearance society advocates used to chant. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product, which is a new product.
You’ll find that when you start having a job, or you’re out of town all day and almost out of touch with your family, all you want out of a relationship is that feeling of stability. This feeling doesn’t make big ripples, but he is like the sea that makes the ripples, and without him, the whole sea of love would dry up.
When you have a challenge, you know the other person will be there for you, supporting you as you continue to fight together; when you have a funny thing, you know the other person will be on the other end of the phone sharing your joy; when you feel lonely, you know the other person has a place in your heart, too. When you feel lonely, you know that the other person also has a place in their heart for you, and then you no longer feel alone. This kind of relationship, although not a lot of passion, but contains more elements in it, because the other person is like your friend, family, and even a psychotherapist. If two people can share a common hobby, for example, they like to go to the gym or watch movies together, which is a dull, but exceptionally fulfilling life.
This is a fulfilling relationship. Security comes from trust, trust comes from a willingness to take responsibility for each other, and responsibility comes from finding in each other a feeling of a small boat docking. But finding a relationship like this may not be so simple.
Managing a relationship is no easier than planning your career or running a business. In a sea of people, because of a very small chance, we met. A certain opportunity comes to know and love each other. The odds of these two opportunities are small enough, but that doesn’t mean everything is smooth sailing. In fact, the test is just now beginning.
You may start to doubt the other person’s loyalty because of a wrong look in their eyes; you may think they have bad intentions because they interact with other people of the opposite sex; you may even start to create a little theater in your mind because of a word they say Then ask each other whether they are going to perform such a drama. The company’s main goal is to provide a solution to the problem of the problem.
In fact, what men and women need in a relationship couldn’t be simpler:
“Men need that little bit of freedom; women need that little bit of security.” Freedom and security seem to be forever doing the pulling at both ends of the rope, and if one of them is not willing to give up, then the two will never meet.
This is the difference in gender and the different demands that the society we live in places on men and women. Although we live together in a society, but the circle of men and women are still like two very distant friends, generally do not have a crossover. Occasional interactions are also like seagulls skimming the surface of the sea, not more than five seconds. This inevitably causes us to each other in the emotional requirements of the lack of understanding. Men’s security comes from a moderate amount of freedom, women’s security comes from being in demand. If the man goes out for air, the woman thinks she will be abandoned. This is where the dispute comes from.
A man wants to be free, even if it’s just that small chance to go out for air with his friends, he won’t let it go. There was once such a story. Xiao Chen is married. Before the marriage, he was a prodigal son, living in no fixed place, like to have fun everywhere; after the marriage, he was a good gentleman and a good father.
Until one day, his wife called me because she thought my friend was not right lately. Not only was he moping around the house, but he even dressed up handsomely this evening and said he was going out to meet friends for drinks.
Her wife was worried if her husband had a new love interest because he didn’t want to take her out. It turned out that he hadn’t gone out drinking at all, he was just sitting on the swings in the park below his house, playing a little game on his phone.
A friend asked him why he wasn’t being honest with his wife, and he said, “Since we got married, my wife has never allowed him to go out at night, and she even has the passwords to my Facebook and all my email accounts. I love her very much, but I really want to go out and get some air, even if it’s for half an hour.”
His wife also had something to say, “I see him talking to other friends of the opposite sex on Facebook every time, and it’s nothing, but I’m really worried! I once forbade him to chat privately with other girls, but he even had a big fight with me, so how can I feel at ease?”
When a man doesn’t want freedom, he learns to find it on his own, so she loses her sense of security. The woman can not get security, she will be strong to stipulate the man, so he lost his freedom. Neither side is right, but neither side is wrong either.
The point of this story is whether the relationship, on both sides, is based on a system of mutual trust. Communicate more, try to find the boundaries between the two sides, and then let go when appropriate, trusting that the other side will not cross the line and take a step back from each.
You can try to let the man do what he wants to do, and you can try to let the woman know what’s going on in your life. Then the man gets the freedom and the woman gets the security.
Many times, after this system of mutual trust is established, you will feel that your relationship will gradually move towards smoothness because it is no longer as abrasive and it is subtly a part of your life. So, women should learn to let go in moderation, as long as the man is willing to let the end of the traction rope in your hands is enough. This willingness is a wordless commitment in itself.
A beautiful love, a strong relationship, can’t stand up to arguments over and over again; for two people to be able to go on for a long time, it’s not about binding each other with all kinds of rules, or trying to break through each other’s defenses in a spirited manner, but about being able to trust each other. The first thing you need to do is to make decisions together and enjoy life together.