We are in an age where we are always doubting love and many people are no longer believing in true love, in fact, maybe it’s because you don’t know what true love is!
Love is often not a topic of right and wrong, and everyone who is deeply involved in it often suffers from the intricacies and entanglements of it. The answer to the question of what “love” itself is is still incomplete.
I recently got a call from a friend telling me that she and her fiancé of six years were splitting up. They had just gotten engaged last year and even had plans to buy a house.
In my mind, they used to be almost the perfect couple: he was her first boyfriend, together all four years of college; they set off on a trip to Europe together before graduation; even when she had to move to another state for work, they were never beaten by distance. He proposed to her after she returned to the same city, and she didn’t hesitate to say yes. Everything was going smoothly like a fairy tale, but how did it suddenly stop loving him at the doorstep?
She asked me on the phone, “How do you know if you still love each other, or if you’re just staying together because you’re used to it? I believe that all couples who have been together long enough have had the same doubts….
Do you love him or are you just used to him?
It’s actually easy for a woman to tell when her attitude toward a man is changing. For example, hot love that will be, you will get up at six or seven to him to make breakfast, fried egg cake, make soup, soup, porridge, made your own still too late to eat, all for him to eat. However, you enjoy it, no complaints. Then one day, you suddenly did not like to do breakfast, because you think you are very hard, why should he do it? Because you already loved him less by then, you just didn’t realize it yet.
When a woman doesn’t love a man, she compares him to others. Before is, think he is the best and the best, the world is his best, but, now, you will take him and his friends than, and his colleagues than, and even with your friends, colleagues than. In front of other people, denying his work ability and talent, too obviously showing appreciation for other men, completely disregarding the reaction of your own man, that means that you have wandered away from your mind.
When you love a man deeply, you tolerate all his flaws, but when you move on, you find that everything about him is not so smooth anymore. From one day to the next, you start to hate him? You don’t like his new haircut, you think his nose hair is disgusting, you don’t like the way he talks loudly, you get angry and want to scold him when you see him coming home late from work …… little things that you can’t tolerate, really because love is far away.
At the same time, you no longer like his friends and relatives. You used to love the house, even if his friends were obnoxious, you could accept them, you could mingle with them because he had an iron relationship with them. But now, you don’t like those friends of his, you think they are all the same, “No wonder he has become like this, look at those friends of his, none of them are decent!” The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market.
Most importantly, your language has disappeared. Previously, you had a language system of your own, you formed a magnetic field with the same words and code words that no one else understood, just the two of you in tacit agreement. But now, the original intimate magnetic field has disappeared, you sometimes do not receive his signals, or, even if you do, you no longer heartbeat, no longer excited, you even feel strange. “Why did he give me such an ugly nickname?” “God, he actually called me a little bitch, what an ugly name!” “Actually, there’s nothing good about Japanese movies, I wonder why I’ve seen so many horror movies with him!” You don’t have a common language with him anymore, and communication naturally can’t continue.
Of course, all these changes are because your heart has changed. You no longer have a heart to heart with him, no longer have a heart to heart, you do not pay attention to his heart, you are too lazy to be on his mind anymore, no matter what he said or did, you seem to not care, no impression. You are by his side, but as if far away from the sky. You don’t love him anymore, you just don’t know it yet.
It can also be the difference between wanting and needing
Sometimes, too It may be because of the difference between “want” and “need. There’s a difference between ‘wanting’ and ‘needing’ something or someone.
For example, you want a Prada bag, but you don’t actually need it. This feeling of longing can be strong or weak depending on the object, you may want it to the extent that you would give everything, but you may also just feel a little bit like you want it; on the contrary, you need oxygen, even if you don’t feel like you long to have it, but you have to have it to live. In some cases, though, the need can become a want, like when you meet drowning, and your feelings about oxygen can turn into extreme cravings.
Wants and needs can be two very different concepts, but sometimes they are very similar. So what exactly is love? My answer to this question is that when you “want what you need” you also “need what you want”.
More explicitly, I believe that most love starts with feelings of wanting, and when you fall in love, you want the other person so badly, but over time, while loving, you become used to having the other person there, to the point where you feel you can’t This is also the process of “wanting” becoming “needing”. When you want and need someone at the same time, then you can call it love.
With him, you can feel familiarity and certainty and, of course, security from him, but that comfort zone can also be damaging for you or the other person. After a breakup, most people’s needs inevitably expand because you just left the protection love gave you and now you long to feel safe again.
That kind of feeling is not love. Maybe you loved him before, but now you feel like you need him just because he can provide you with the familiarity and security you lack, and it seems like an easier choice than going back to being single, but in the end you But in the end you need it but still don’t want it.
The truth is that love is never all right or wrong, and more than 80% of what happens in love is in the gray area, but don’t compromise easily or be afraid to leave your comfort zone. The first thing you need to do is to know what you really want and need, and to learn to persevere in love and never give up.
As an outsider, it’s a simple matter to analyze. If you are an insider, what should you do? That would be to ask your heart, ask how it really feels, ask what it really wants.