Violence is something we hear a lot about and think it’s something that shouldn’t exist. But cold violence in the family, have you ever encountered it? In fact, cold violence is everywhere in our lives, and each of us will experience it at one time or another.
Some people say that the one word he hates most on a chat tool is “huh”. You are enthusiastically sharing what you’ve seen recently, you are racking your brain for topics that might interest the other person, you are pouring your heart out to the other person with honey, and the other person’s reply to you is just a lukewarm “huh”, or “um”, “okay”. “Okay”, really how much enthusiasm will be turned into ashes. This is often called “cold violence” or “domestic cold violence” when it happens within a stable relationship or marriage.
Cold violence (or domestic violence), a type of violence that at first appears to be more civilized and classy than behavioral violence such as beating, is actually avoidance, indifference, belittling, distancing, and indifference that will leave the other partner in the intimate relationship mentally and psychologically uncomfortable. The other party in the intimate relationship will be greatly violated and harmed spiritually and psychologically. We often think of women as the weaker party in intimate relationships, but recently, there are more and more examples of women’s cold violence everywhere, and it has become an emotional killer that cannot be ignored-.
Cold violence in the home is common
Ignoring the partner
Referee: Mr. Lu, 34, designer
After much deliberation I applied for a leave of absence from my job to spend a year completing long-planned work, and when I spoke to my wife about it in a long, long text message that night, she replied with a single word: “Oh.” I explained to her at greater length my commitment to her and my family, and what this work meant to me, and her reply went from one word to two: “Yes. I was so upset that I called her, and her tone was flat, just saying she was tired and going to bed, and such indifference made me cold from the inside.
Not responding to the other half
Referring to: Xiao Lin, 26
We are kind of childhood friends and have always had a good relationship, however, she didn’t pass her visa and now we are in a different place. For two years, she almost never takes the initiative to contact me, and when she gets a call from me, she also says a few words and then nothing more. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market.
Punishing men with bedtime affairs
Referee: Mr. Ma, 42 age, employee
My income is not high and my wife has been very dissatisfied. The first few years is nagging, always compare me with others, come home a little late on the phone to rush, slowly, these years do not say, what I do not do what she ignored, when I am a transparent person. I deliberately went out drinking and came home late, she didn’t even ask a question, but from the next day onwards, she shared a room with me. I know she despises me, always think I will not make money, no good. Half a lifetime has passed, and that’s it.
Reasons why women use domestic cold violence
< strong>Do you value me?
Some women want to use this to test if the other person still values them. In some women’s logic, if the other person still loves them, they should be doubly nice to them at times like this so that she can feel at ease. If the man does not show the attitude she expects at this time, then this cold violence will continue and even intensify.
I’ll be fine without you
Usually it’s when a man do something wrong, or do something that women think is wrong, before it happens. Some women want men to know that they can get along fine even without each other, so they will assume a cold, distant attitude. She wants the man to learn to appreciate it after he feels unappreciated and has faced the fear of loss.
I actually don’t know what to do
There are also women who are inexperienced in dealing with conflicts, so when a series of conflicts arise between two people, they don’t know how to communicate and will resort to avoidance to solve them instead of facing them head-on.
Calm down and talk about it
Some women use Some women use “cold violence” with the best of intentions, not wanting to have a head-on conflict with the person they love. The hope is to get both parties to stop and think calmly, and to avoid some of the over-the-top language that can leave a permanent shadow on each other in times of anger.
Why haven’t you come to coax me
Some women are raised to be Some women are spoiled and more capricious, and are more self-centered in their dealings with others. When there is a conflict between the two sides, they want the other side to admit their mistakes first to coax them.
Marriage and emotion experts may also advise people to take a cold approach when they encounter conflict so that things don’t get worse on impulse, but “cold approach” is not “The most fundamental point is that “cold treatment” is a problem-solving attitude, while “cold violence” is to punish each other for the purpose. When a woman’s cold violence does not get the desired response, the gap between the two will be even deeper. So get along with the problem, cold violence is not desirable, or the need for two people to increase communication. Women should not expect men to understand the little things in your heart, or better yet, tell each other their thoughts directly.
What should we do when we encounter cold violence (domestic violence)?
If your partner starts to ignore you, it’s the dumbest thing to do to return the same pattern, which not only won’t help, but will worsen the intimacy of the relationship. Marriage experts have outlined several steps to deal with “domestic violence”.
If you notice that your spouse is becoming violent, don’t make a fuss, but stay calm and analyze your conflict.
You’ll need a pen and a piece of paper to list all the issues in your life that might trigger cold violence, even the smallest possibility, and then list the factors that have nothing to do with you, as well as write down your spouse’s personality traits. See what stimulates her to be coldly violent towards you.
When you are ready to calm down and analyze all the reasons, you should initiate the conversation. The conversation should be in a setting without a third party, be open and honest, and put all possible issues on the table. What you need is for the other person to be equally open and honest with you. If it is just an internal family conflict or a conflict originating from you, this kind of conversation atmosphere has more than 90% possibility of solving the problem. If it’s your spouse’s own problems, like having an affair or something, this can also help get to the bottom of things, or at least make it clear that the aggression and failures you’ve suffered are because of something.
The decision of whether to make or break up should have been made while you were doing the analysis, and you should have known even more about the choice when you talked. In terms of psychological feelings, the choice you actively make is much better than the one you passively accept, especially because the other person caused the problem, and your active forgiveness will show your generosity, and your active breakup will give you better wiggle room than the other person.
If you’re just in a prolonged “cold war” phase, a temporary business trip would be a great way to go, but remember, don’t spend more than a month apart. Remember, don’t stay apart for more than a month, and don’t separate when you get home, as that would be a lost opportunity to repair the relationship.
Because of their personalities, women are more likely to use cold violence to deal with relationships than men. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.