“How to get along with people you don’t like” is a question we all face no matter where we go or where we are in life. The reason is that in every place there are inevitably people you hate. If it is just a casual acquaintance is not harmful, if you have to spend time with him, the taste is unbearable.
Tactics: Never take the initiative if you want to avoid them, and never take the initiative if you have to.
Evasion is shameful but useful. A new college student once lamented online, “You might fall in love with the library because of one of your housemates.” There is a bit of humor in the humor, and a hint of escapism in the helplessness. But when you think about it, when you meet someone you hate, of course you can get along with less, so why make it difficult for yourself. Even if you can’t avoid getting along, you can also be silent is golden. Reduce his attention to you, is to reduce his influence on you. The first thing you need to do is to take a step of your own initiative, except when you have to talk.
So what do we do if the other person comes forward? There’s no need to think too hard. Most of the time it’s just a matter of affirming him, “Well, you’re making a lot of sense,” “Well, you’re doing all the right things. We often hate someone because they have qualities we don’t like, or because their values are so different from each other that they are unbearable. But values and qualities don’t change with each other with a few simple exchanges, so there’s no need to waste energy arguing about them.
There’s a saying in the book of Cai Kan Tan: “Never hate the villain; the villain has his own opposite.” No need to reason with the haters, someone will naturally reason with them for you later.
Emotions: Adjust appropriately and divert attention; if you touch the bottom line, you will be “punished” from afar.
In fact, there are only two kinds of people that I have always hated: people with poor character and people with poor personality. The first one is the one with the best of the best. Gradually develop their own “ears” ability (here the ears refers to listen to the contrary words, do not care about the gains and losses in speech, hear the insulting words also no ripples), divert attention, regulate the emotions, is to get along with the poor character of this type of people need to pay attention to. Also, as mentioned in the previous point, reduce contact and unnecessary interactions and arguments.
There are always a few people with good hearts but poor personalities. The rest of us are most likely to be annoyed by the kind of people who have poor personalities and personalities. The most important thing is that the company has a lot of people who are not interested in the company. Repaying grievances with straightforwardness and virtue with virtue. Some people are bullies, if you are a good bully, he will become more aggressive, but if you show a side of yourself that has a stand and an attitude, the other party will often be deterred. If someone else offends you, you tolerate him but do not know how to repent, then there is no need to tolerate, simply draw the knife and cut off the water. It may be that you will find that your bottomless concessions are often exchanged for the other side’s gaining ground, while an appropriate counterattack may give others a sense of awe.
But reality is often complex and volatile, and many problems cannot be solved in a programmed way; specific problems need to be analyzed. For example, if the person you hate is your boss, in this situation of complete power imbalance, your outburst may make the other person converge, but it may also make the other person hold a grudge and turn to secretly trip you up and wear small shoes later. Then this time the situation will become slightly more complicated, and the consequences are often your own burden. It is necessary to think of some other ways, such as first bear the humiliation silently become stronger, such as tolerate can not stand it as soon as possible to escape, such as early to seek help from others …… In short, when your own energy is too weak, many things need to be open to consider and circumvent, not only the only solution.
Mindfulness: Nothing breaks when the eyes are high, and waves clear when the mind is open.
I once read an article about a young man who had been difficult by his immediate supervisor when he first joined the company, and then worked hard to achieve success.
In fact, one of the reasons why we hate someone around us is that we are still in a similar position to that person, and we can’t get rid of our association with them. The eagle will not hate an ant, but will only feel pity for it to prostrate itself on the ground for life. So in the matter of hating others, what we should see is that we have a lot of room for improvement. Life can not be smooth, sometimes you have to do things you do not like to do, and do not like to get along with people, the first need to admit and accept this from the heart. Then it’s time to focus more on improving yourself, and over time, maybe you’ll find that those people you hate are gradually catching up with you and disappearing from your life.
Lin Qingxuan said, “If we can be as comfortable as water and know how to meander in response to changing situations, nothing can get in our way. Everyone has their own unique environment, and all sorts of factors have made them either likeable or unpleasant today. Raise your own eyes, lower your expectations, and focus on your own business. As for those who don’t like it, get along if you can, and don’t relent if you can’t, believe that your own starry sea is ultimately higher than those chicken feathers.