I don’t know if such a theory is true, but at the moment I heard it, I couldn’t help but turn my gaze to Xiaoxing beside me, only to see an indescribable expression sweep across his face as he quickly changed the channel and, subsequently, paced resentfully to the balcony to smoke. The quarrel during this time has made both of us sensitive. He might have anticipated that I would use the issue to pressure him again, so he ran away from the battle. In fact, after hearing this comment, I have quickly classified Xiaoxing as a third-rate man. At the same time, the aggression and helplessness at the bottom of my heart was stirred up again, and I almost couldn’t help but make a fuss again. But thinking of the six-month agreement between them, I had to desperately suppress my emotions. The first time I saw it, I felt that our marriage was on the brink.
When I fell in love, I didn’t know anything about marriage
I met Xiaoxing when I was in college. At that time, I was so pure in love that I didn’t think about houses, cars, or the success of a man’s career, I only cared about whether he loved me or not. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public, such as the Internet, the Internet, and the Internet.
After graduating from college, Xiaoxing never found a suitable job because his major was not popular, and I suggested he go to graduate school, but he did not want to add to his parents’ burden because of his family’s poor financial situation. At that time, I had already found a good job, hearing Xiao Xing said so, I was particularly touched, and then decided, for our future, I will pay for him. He said no at first, but after my repeated insistence, he agreed. I compressed my own expenses and supported him wholeheartedly by renting a house, enrolling in tuition classes and buying supplements. Now that I think about it, even I admire myself for how I was so forgiving and generous and uncomplaining at the time.
Because of the interprofessionalism, Xiaoxing eventually fell short by two points, and he was particularly chagrined, smashing his fist against the wall and saying in tears that he had failed me. And I was foolish enough to think, what is it, big deal, continue to look for work, as long as we can be together, is happy. With the help of a friend, Xiao Xing joined an internal magazine, responsible for some editing and proofreading work. In retrospect, those were our happiest days. We shared a two-bedroom apartment with a friend, and the modest bedroom was decorated by Xiaoxing to make it especially cozy. Every day after work, he cooked me delicious food in different ways, and even the girl who shared the room always asked her boyfriend to learn from Xiaoxing. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
However, when I told my parents about my relationship with Xiaoxing, they objected strongly on the grounds that his family was poor and did not have a stable job, and that I was an only child and my parents wanted me to have an easy and happy life. At that time, I just felt that my parents were too vulgar, and I stubbornly believed that my love was only related to Xiao Xing. That winter, amidst all the opposition from my family, Xiaoxing and I got married, no diamond ring, no wedding photos, no decent wedding banquet, but all of that seemed to take a back seat to the love I had with Xiaoxing, and I was completely immersed in the joy of reaping the fruits of love.
Finally, I had to face the reality of life
However, as time passed, I eventually became realistic. The first thing I did was to look at other people’s lives, and I felt more and more shabby. I looked at other people’s houses and cars, and I looked at other people’s decent weddings, and I felt a sourness in my heart. I am not as beautiful as others? Is it that I am not as hard working as others? No, not at all. This is all because I married a husband from a bad family, earning less money. Although one cannot decide one’s own family situation, but one can always control one’s own destiny now! So, I was hoping that Xiaoxing would actively work hard to create a good career. At this time, Xiaoxing had been working in that internal magazine for more than three years without any promotion or salary increase, because it was not formal and did not even have basic social insurance. I repeatedly advised Xiaoxing to find a higher-paying job, but he agreed on the surface, but did not act. We started to have continuous arguments about this.
One night, he came home with a downcast look on his face, and when I asked him, I found out that he had lost his job because of the closure of the internal magazine. The company’s main goal was to provide a platform for the development of a new generation of companies that would be able to meet the needs of their customers. I really hoped that this predicament would be an opportunity for Xiao Xiao to get up. Next, making resumes, checking job information, I was busy after work every day. But soon I realized that I was the only one who was enthusiastic in this matter, but Xiao Xing was not at all. He sat in front of the computer every day playing games, chatting on the Internet, and always picked out a bunch of unsuitable reasons for the information I found. I got anxious and had a big fight with him. He said that he is also trying, he also want to succeed, but he needs time, need the opportunity. I can’t convince myself to believe him when I see him doing nothing.
One day, he told me cheerfully that a friend of his was in the sporting goods business, and he wanted to do it with his friend. The company’s main goal is to provide a good solution to the problem. Although I know that any business has risks, but see him that full of ambition, my heart was also ignited with hope, I put in 20,000 yuan for him. During that period of time, he did work very hard, leaving early and returning late every day, and he had lost a lot of weight. But with hope in my heart, I still felt very happy. However, I didn’t expect that we would lose all our money due to a mistake in buying goods. Xiao Xing was like a frosted eggplant, drunk, and asked me for a divorce. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public, such as the Internet, the Internet, and the Internet.
After this, I only hope that Xiaoxing will learn a lesson and get a job. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. But Xiaoxing’s thoughts and my opposite, he more and more do not see the ordinary work. He said he was no longer a fresh college graduate and had no time to start from the grassroots. Sure enough, next, he did a risky thing behind my back, he borrowed $28,000 from a friend and bought funds and stocks, but soon the bear market came and all the money he invested was trapped. I didn’t know the truth until that friend of his came to the house to ask for the debt. At that moment, I was completely disappointed with Xiao Xing and our marriage. After five years of marriage, looking at our home, looking at our life, and comparing it to the people around us, the aggression came up like a tidal wave, overwhelming me and suffocating me.
Where will the marriage go
I solemnly asked Xiaoxing to break up, desperation having stirred me up to bear any hurt. But this time, he begged me, begged me to give him one last chance. He said he couldn’t lose me, then he’d rather die. He also said he was sorry and asked me to give him six months, and if I wasn’t satisfied by then, he was willing to let go.
I got soft and agreed to give him this chance. However, after the first few tosses and turns, I didn’t have much confidence in him this time. I didn’t know if he could really keep his promise, if he could really salvage our marriage. Although he is still gentle and considerate to me, I am afraid that this is only a compensation for his unprogressive behavior. I feel that I have given a lot to him and am under a lot of pressure, what should I do now? Is there any hope for our marriage?
Expert Comment:
We all suffer from role expectations related to our roles. For example, when it comes to a woman, we expect her to be gentle and understanding, and when it comes to a man, we expect him to be top-notch and capable of commitment. Therefore, people are usually disappointed with someone who fails to meet social role expectations.
From this point of view, Xiaoya’s dissatisfaction and disappointment because her husband Xiaoxing’s job is unstable and he can’t take responsibility well is understandable. However, if we only indulge in dissatisfaction and disappointment, we are likely to fall into the trap of destructive thinking, so that problems will be considered from a negative perspective, with no hope in sight, no sense of advantage, and only a succession of worries and disappointments. At the same time, the ability to deal with problems is weakened, and instead of actively trying to figure out what to do when you encounter a problem, your hands are tied.
At present, Xiaoya’s thinking is somewhat dominated by destructive thinking. She is always worried that Xiaoxing will not be able to keep his promises, and she even makes negative connections to his tenderness and thoughtfulness, which not only makes her own heart miserable, but also, the feedback must be a blow to Xiaoxing’s attitude, which is not beneficial to the marriage.
In fact, many of Xiaoxing’s behaviors have a lot to do with a lack of confidence. The failure of his graduate studies and the opposition of Xiaoya’s family must have been a big blow to his lack of confidence, which is probably why he clung to a low-paying job and refused to jump ship. Because, he does not believe that he is capable of meeting the challenge. He refuses to actively look for a job, also because of the lack of confidence and escape. Taking risks in business and borrowing money to speculate in stocks, these behaviors do not represent Xiao Xing’s confidence and drive, but rather a compensation for low self-esteem – when our value cannot be obtained through normal channels and behaviors, people tend to obtain it through extreme behaviors. This blind risk-taking shows Xiaoxing’s anxiety and, of course, expresses his desire to actually be someone who meets the character’s expectations.
So encouragement and trust are the best ways to help Xiaoxing, especially from his wife. Therefore, instead of complaining and worrying during this six-month period, Xiaoya should take some constructive actions, such as acknowledging more of his efforts, appreciating more of his strengths, and encouraging more of his progress. Only then can we actively fight this marriage defense battle. (Reviewed by: Li Ling)