In many breakups, the one who decides to leave often tends to belittle his or her former partner in order to escape the feelings associated with the sin. The only way to loosen the ties is to appreciate the love of the past with respect and to say thank you to the former partner.
Denigrating an ex-partner creates new guilt
Henning In what appears to be an extreme view, Greg says that an affair should not be “honestly confessed” or discussed. Because that kind of honesty usually has a negative effect in a marital relationship.
If the second relationship is so strong that the person has to leave the marriage, then the affair must be discussed. However, a spontaneous occasional indulgence and the relationship between the person and the partner are really minimal, while the confession would shift the responsibility of facing this scandal onto the one partner who had nothing to do with it.
I’ve noticed that in many breakups, the person who decides to leave often tends to denigrate his or her former partner in order to escape the feelings associated with the sin. The result is a new sense of guilt because of the denigration of the former partner.
In a family alignment case, the person may only need to say these sentences to the ex-partner (through a representative) to release themselves: “For your love, thank you! For all the parts you have given me, thank you! I’m sorry! I can’t give you any more. I truly wish you well.” With this attitude, even if the relationship ended long ago in the past, it can still be ended in a positive way. In this way, both partners are free to move on to new relationships and find their happiness again.
Appreciating the past love with respect to untie
Reporting gratitude for a previous relationship is quite important. No one has the right to ask for a lifelong love from another person. It would be wonderful if dreams came true, but that is not commonplace. People’s needs and desires for each other are often unrealistic. Even when relationships end and people complain loudly about how misunderstood and mistreated they were, problematic patterns are perpetuated and the invisible entanglement with the former partner is maintained. The only way to loosen the ties is to appreciate the love of the past with respect, and to say thank you to the ex-partner.
In this sense, “thank you” reflects an inner attitude of balance between getting and giving, and the words mean. “I have completed my acceptance, and I am free again.”