001
Emotions are a projection of our internal external perceptions.
Bad moods have the word “bad” in them, but we need to believe that no mood is “undeserved” and that behind all bad moods are your own unmet needs.
There are many different kinds of bad emotions, starting with the bad emotions of irritability, anger, resentment, and so on, which are outwardly aggressive and hurt people around you.
We’re talking about inward-directed bad moods, which are unappreciated, more hidden, and cause harm to yourself in every aspect of your life, and also damage your relationships with others.
Emotions seem to favor people who are sensitive to things. There is a group of people who can experience more emotional differences and can respond to them.
But when their sensitivity is not known, they often become the “incomprehensible person” to others.
Because your sensitivity is not known to others, it is simply incomprehensible.
When you see your company’s parking space parked with someone else’s car, you immediately associate it with the failure of the property, the disrespect of your colleagues, and feel the carelessness of the security guards who came to deal with …… It only takes a few seconds, and the above mess has already passed through your mind countless times, tormenting your nerves, and you watch your emotions being pushed to the abyss step by step. One step is pushed into the abyss, but you can’t control yourself from associating.
Emotions hit rock bottom and continue to fall because you can’t talk about your pain to people who don’t understand, getting angry is considered petty, making a fuss can ruin your image, and most people’s comfort is irrelevant.
You are left with only one choice, to digest the emotion alone – mentally attack yourself or suppress it until the bad emotion piles up the crap in your heart.
People who often exhibit inward aggression actually know its effects better than others. Those who are in the midst of it will find that bad feelings make them “worse,” and bad feelings breed bad feelings, and bad feelings aggravate bad feelings, in a long-term vicious cycle.
What will ruin your life, what will destroy your life, what will cause unnecessary internal conflict, are just the words of outsiders who see the end result. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem. They themselves know exactly how bad they really are.
What happens at the end of the day when every step down the road, more and more negativity fills the mind, more and more information entangles the conflict? It’s like a CPU that can’t handle it. It’s down, it’s hibernating (it’s dizzy, it’s blank, it can’t do anything), it’s burning out, it’s distressing (it’s venting its pain to others), and there are “smart people” who want to sleep and reboot (the problem isn’t solved, they wake up and continue to drown in their bad feelings).
The bad ends in depression, where the thoughts cause physical pain and the ability to restrain the bad emotions is largely lost.
I’m not making this up.
Many people wonder that I, an intj, who is supposed to be like a precision-run computer, rational and lacking in emotion, empathizes with people with large mood swings they can’t handle, and writes to their hearts. Because intj is a good hand at research, when I make emotions the object of study, I can also observe subtle emotional differences to understand, and know how bad emotions are formed and how they evolve.
I also talk a lot with bad moods, and the examples you see are probably all counselors that I’ve embellished and summarized who can’t get rid of their bad moods – the daily life they lead.
Some people are too sensitive, particularly reluctant to bother others, and need someone who will listen and not get sucked into their bad moods and accept their emotions.
002
I have a friend who is very typical of this situation; she is extremely sensitive to subtle external perceptions and is prone to thinking the worst.
Once she saw me and a friend dislike each other, she felt that the person disrespected me and was more upset than I was, and afterwards reassured me that I should not take it too far with people.
I didn’t react for a while, my friend was supposed to have that style of speech, we seemed to have a little conflict during the chat, after I disliked her back, she said the previous sentence was talking about her brother, very arrogantly gave me a step, I went along with the words to pick up, the mood was not affected in the least, I didn’t think she could remember it very well.
I explained that the other side meant no harm. I was touched, but I also associated it with some of her experiences.
–In fact, something similar had already happened. I knew her from the beginning because she was always apologizing to herself and her current boyfriend in her last relationship, moping around every day, and her boyfriend thought he was doing a bad job and felt too tired to give up and save her and himself.
At that time, she was still emotionally cut up and close to a breakdown when she came to counseling. After helping her sort out her emotions and reconcile her emotional conflicts, she was able to maintain their relationship for the time being. But she still needs to reconcile, otherwise it will be difficult to go on with her boyfriend for a long time.
You can see that inwardly aggressive bad emotions originate from sensitivity, but you take sensitivity for the world, ignoring the differences in people and the variability of things.
The sky is falling in your little world, and you think the sky is falling in others, too, and you overreact a lot, which confuses people instead, and this kind of clumsy kindness is easily misunderstood.
Sensitivity is so painful, and those sad, angry, disgusted, embarrassed …… emotional experiences so unpositive, uncomfortable, and in severe cases disruptive to daily life and work.
But we subjectively have a hard time being slow to let go of bad emotions, after all, it’s a decade or even decades of experience with a solidified way of doing things – serving as a quick warning, and a protective mechanism – a reminder that what happened has done you caused harm, is to prevent experiencing it again the next time, and exists as a personality adaptation.
The friend who was just so sensitive to malice was a long time foster, and relatives were often cold-faced and dismissive and chastising, and had to be careful to protect themselves.
It is also impossible to get rid of bad emotions completely, we have more kinds of negative emotions than positive ones.
Happiness, anger, sadness, thought, grief, fear, and surprise …… are more than half of the negative emotions that ancient humans needed to survive, and having positive emotions in response to favorable events was far less important than reacting to negative events – the former may prevent us from becoming happier, but the latter can be life-threatening.
People who feel multiple emotions are healthier than those who have only positive emotions. Accepting only positive emotions can suppress bad emotions and lead to mental numbness.
People can’t lose their sense of pain, and avoiding bad emotions can make them more damaging to physical and mental health – and then be retarded to the damage. People like Jiang Ge and Xiao Yue Yue are the ones who really need to release their aggression to protect themselves. There are unreasonable things that can happen to us, and it’s easy to be too negligent and unknowingly exploited and hurt.
Remember that your bad emotions are actually protecting you, and all you have to do is become aware of it first. By feeling deeply before reconciling, and reconciling the inner with the outer, you will understand your emotions better than others.
003
Confusion from someone who suffers from bad emotions:
I’m amazed why I’m so angry when people around me don’t care and I’m not the one involved. Why am I preoccupied with anger and sadness? Why do I see such extremes? The first thing I did was to get a little bit of a sense of what was going on. I’m the only one who is different, who thinks of things in a bad way first?
This is a self-preservation-centered perspective that usually occurs in youth when things are not fully processed, and all that schoolyard hurt literature is popular because people do have real feelings of sadness – they are receiving social ideas so fast, and the impact is so great, they need to open up a place to store their temporary inability to accept them. The new idea of the self, the self-preservation.
But kids grow up and don’t need to protect themselves in this way anymore. We need to realize that everything is in flux and your perceptions need to change with it. Being in this state all the time, and not being able to get out of it into adulthood, bad emotions can have a devastating effect on your life, and to put it bluntly, no one is going to wait too long for you to grow up because you don’t want to.
For example, my friend needs to realize that she is now an adult, has the ability to earn money independently, has a boyfriend who loves her, and that she is not the weak child who needs to look at people to survive.
When you still think of things in a bad light as your main perspective, it’s easy to now realize that this perspective itself is more damaging to you.
The solution is to refer to more perspectives, for example, in pain you think about why the perspective is different from others, and then you go on to learn more about the possibilities and as a result have lived a more informed life than some people.
Don’t force yourself to do and think about things you don’t like. If you’re already sensitive, don’t take your sensitivity and have to analyze it one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, it’s really only going to be directed at you.
There is a good side to sensitive bad emotions – they are more likely to trigger behavior change. Our motivation to get rid of the unbearable pain at hand is often stronger than our motivation to chase more pleasure.
“Breaking down” and “not breaking” is a privilege only for people with high mood swings, and negative emotions can be very strong motivators, defined as a signal to act to make change. In contrast, positive emotions do not have the same strong behavioral orientation.
You see, my friend is not as “Buddhist” as I am. She is very strong in taking action, unlike me, and when she really gets past her emotions, she changes very quickly. The first thing I did was to get to the point where I had to be comfortable.
All you have to do is keep the negativity within your control. A big impact can also be on the good side.
“A person who is self-energized is often motivated by the fear of negativity and the rush to get rid of it, not by the achievement of the ultimate purpose.”
And it’s better to just stop and sense the source of your bad emotion, observe it, and see what you really want, a hint of clarity, even if you can’t achieve it now, than to ignore the constant vicious cycle of your needs.
All you have to do is take your time and treat the bad emotions as part of the world’s hundred flavors as well, and all emotions are imprints that belong only to you.