It’s true that age plays an important role in a marriage, but it’s not age that really determines the stability of a marriage, it’s the idea of being one with the other person and having comparable education and life values that are intrinsic to a stable marriage.
The happiest age gap between men and women
Recently, a survey conducted by European A survey done by scientists shows that age is a key weight in the stability of marriage. Dr. Emanuel Flanier of the University of Bath, England, conducted a follow-up survey of 1,534 couples, and the results showed that the best couple model that can strongly sustain a marriage is one in which both men and women are highly educated and have no history of divorce, while the man is more than five years older than the woman. The researchers say that wives who are more than 5 years younger than their husbands are the least conflicted age combination, and their divorce rate is 1/6th that of other marriages.
Also, a University of Vienna study found that the most children were born when the husband was 4-6 years older than the wife. And husbands who were 15 years older than their wives had the most fulfilling marriages, although they did not have as many children.
In this regard, Wang Guorong, a leading marriage therapist in China, agreed. Wang Guorong said that the three main happiness points of such marriages become the pillars of a solid family. The first point of happiness, to meet the women’s “trinity” of desire. Usually, women dream of a prince charming who has the maturity of a father, the care of an older brother and the energy of a friend. The husband is older, more mentally mature, and more comfortable giving affection.
The second point of happiness, older husbands usually have a certain financial base, reducing the chances of disputes over finances. The third point of happiness, there is less competition in the family. The third point of happiness is that there is less competition between the husband and wife for power.
If it comes to the disadvantages of this type of marriage, Zheng Xifu, a professor of psychology at South China Normal University, believes that, in general, the average life expectancy of men is already shorter than that of women, and if the husband is much older than the wife, then it is possible that the husband will end up dying and the wife will be left alone. The average life expectancy of men is shorter than that of women.
Women are happy even if they are big and men are small
As the saying goes “A woman’s daughter is a golden brick”, and in ancient times in China, there were often big daughters-in-law and small husbands. Nowadays, sister-brother relationships are still an indispensable sight on the marriage map.
Wang Guorong said that some families with sister-brother relationships are actually very happy, as some men are young but have a mature psychological age, while their wives are older but still have the psychological age of a young girl. Such families, psychologically speaking, are similar to the model of families where the man is older and the woman is younger.
Other sibling families are those in which the husbands all have similar temperamental traits, i.e., the men are less independent and want to continue to find the feeling of being pampered by their mothers. For such families, there are often a number of drawbacks. First, both physically and psychologically, women age faster while men are still in their prime, which tends to make families unstable. Secondly, age has social significance, in the conventional social evaluation, sister-brother relationship is easy to make people uncomfortable and criticism, or derogatory male “unmanly”, or say that women “old cow eat young grass” and so on, these external remarks to a certain extent will also be on the family
Men and women communicate well at the same age
President Barack Obama, 49, and his wife, Michelle, are the same age. Obama and his wife Michelle are three years apart in age, and their 17 years of happy marriage is enough to classify them as an “ideal couple”. The Chinese University of Hong Kong’s Department of Social Sciences associate professor Yue Xiaodong believes that same-age love, not the same age in the narrow sense we understand, but the two sides of the age is more or less the same, basically belong to the same generation. Wang Guorong pointed out that men and women of the same age are men and women of the same age or men are older than women by less than three years. Suffice it to say, in the modern mind, this mode of marriage is undoubtedly the most desirable.
Yue suggests that same-age relationships are based on the mental and physical coherence of both lovers, and that such marriages are the most sustainable, with six major benefits. First, it is easy to build intimate relationships. The second is frequent interaction. Three is synchronized growth. Fourth, the same needs. Five is the support of family and friends. Sixth is equal confidence. In short, with similar social experiences between same-age lovers, it is often easy to be of one mind when encountering life problems, and the long-term bonding will even make both parties think in parallel and have a common cognitive pattern.
“While there are many advantages to having men and women of the same age, there are also some problems that arise precisely because of equality.” Wang said it is easy for same-age couples to compete for power because they talk too much about equality, and may often fight over “who gets to say what.
The more similar the personalities, the more loving they are
“All three of these marriage models have advantages and disadvantages. Age does play an important role in marriage, but it is not age that really determines whether a marriage is stable or not.” Wang Guorong said. First of all, the English word “love” is compressed from a Latin phrase that says “love is an abiding concern for the life of another.
Wang Guorong points out that this speaks to the true meaning of love for couples, which is to love the partner for themselves, not to focus on external conditions, which we often say is “height is not an issue, age is not an issue, looks are not an issue. “The less external conditions are required, the more love there will be. The less external conditions are required, the stronger the love.
Second, research shows that the more similar the personalities, the stronger the love. Wang said that what people often refer to as complementarity between couples is that they want what they have but don’t have and their spouse has it, which is a form of appreciation, not the opposite of their personalities.
Finally, it is important to have sameness. One, when you get married, you have to have the idea of being one with each other; two, the education level and life values should be comparable. These are the intrinsic factors that determine whether a marriage is stable or not.