The oldest 90s have already run three, as more and more new generation of young people enter the hall of marriage, the intimacy between the sexes is also increasingly prominent, although many new young people have entered the stage of adulthood, but most of them are still psychologically immature, which leads to many new young couples can not well handle the intimacy between the sexes, today we will discuss this topic: what is We will discuss this topic today: what is true emotional independence and how to deal with intimacy between the sexes.
1. There is a degree of “making”
Two people are married, a beautiful result of a beautiful marriage, which should be happy and joyful, but many people do not realize that there is a degree of “making”. degree, first of all, to grasp the “for” this degree, many people think that the infinite tolerance of each other is the embodiment of love, but do not know that this is the harm to each other, “for” this degree to grasp, then these “for “
They are the best way to get the most out of your life.
So, how to grasp the degree of “作”? The most important thing is not to have a weak mentality, but to be responsible for your own emotions and feelings. The most important thing is to take responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. Only with this basic awareness can you have a good grasp of the fire of “making”.
2. What is true emotional independence
In an intimate relationship, true emotional independence means that neither you nor your partner should be the only source of love and happiness for each other, and that the other person should have their own independent emotions and not expect them to please themselves and meet their own emotional needs. Understand that the other person is each other’s lover, not a trash emotional catharsis.
Only if we take “emotional independence” as a foundation can intimacy be stable and sustainable.
We all grow up as babies and toddlers, and as children we can demand unconditionally from our parents, ask them directly to meet our basic needs, and cry, pout, and even mutilate ourselves to get their attention and disguise our goals. This is a tried and true way of growing up, so many of us will naturally reflexively put this on our partners, expecting to get security from them.
If we still have these conditions, it means that our emotional control has not kept up with our physical and intellectual development, and we have been meeting our emotional needs in the same childish way we did as children.
It is reasonable to expect happiness and security from each other. But if all of our happiness and joy, and indeed security and self-esteem of character, has to be achieved through the other person, that is not emotional independence, it is emotional heavily deficient, and truly mature adults with independent emotions are the benchmark of happiness.
3. What does it take to be emotionally independent?
Focusing on the self and being able to self-satisfy one’s emotional needs, such as hobbies, socializing, or spiritual meditation development.
For example, if your lover is playing a game to relax and unwind after work, and you’re mad at him for not being there for you after work and scolding him for not taking care of his own emotional needs, then you’re not being emotionally independent at that point.
Actually, here’s what you should do: He’s playing a game, you can lean over and catch up, or draw him chagrined by playing a game, or film his little emotions, make a short video, and pick a vacation to enjoy together. This way you jump out, focus on yourself, and meet your own emotional needs through your hobbies, which is another way to appreciate each other.
Here’s a list of a few small ways to help you become emotionally independent:
(1) Your own hobbies that meet your own emotional needs: art, games, catching up on drama, novels, or short photography videos, or yoga, etc. Hobbies bring you pleasure, bring you joy, and are the best way to meet your own emotional needs in It is also a way to expand yourself and explore your knowledge of the world while being independent of yourself.
(2) Enrich your social circle: You don’t have to have a lot of friends, but you can’t have none either. It’s not about replacing the emptiness of your lover’s absence with friendship, but rather, we suggest, using the care of your social friends to reduce your over-dependence on your lover, which is hard to replace in modern society with the happiness that friendships bring to people. Dating itself can expand cognition and exchange ideas, in addition to speaking to each other’s hearts.
(3) Insist on an hour of independent time every day: remember the line, when you get to the bottom of the house, men hide in their cars and smoke, not because they don’t want to go home, but at this time they belong to themselves, in fact, regardless of men and women, people always need to have their own period of time a day to do what they like, so that they can feel that they are not living for others, in order to sense themselves and reflect on themselves. This trick is especially useful for the companion who has lived together or married, so that love can breathe, can make each other distance in marriage, after living together, the ability to be independent is especially important.
4. Intimacy may be better handled this way
How to handle intimacy well, one lies in the method of arguing and the other lies in emotional control. The switch in the way of arguing can give each other a positive effect, and emotional control, can give each other a calming process and mitigate the negative effect.
(1) Do not make indifferent discussions about right and wrong
I think that two people living together will inevitably make mistakes, and it is unnecessary to dwell on each other’s mistakes, which are minor and irrelevant unless they are unforgivable and of principle. The right way is to point out that it is good to know, and the most important thing is to understand each other because of love, so that we can hope that each other can slowly progress and become better together.
(2) Reasonable control of anger
In an intimate relationship, arguments are inevitable, and what we need in an argument is strong emotional control. Take control of your emotional conditioning. You can think about some of the sources of your usual anger, and summarize the chain of reflexes in the days after each argument, when you calmly deal with it.
For example: he doesn’t pick me up from work – he doesn’t pick me up at work either – he doesn’t care about me – angry explosion
To come up with this chain, we Just have to make changes later in the day, just change it to this:
He’s not coming to pick me up from work – he’s working late again to earn money – good (meal) companion (ticket) couple – I can wave by myself again tonight – happy
In the case of not coming to pick you up from work, you can try to suggest that your modified emotional chain will work wonders.
Finally, in everyday fights, learn to chill at the beginning of the fight, when an argument breaks out, actively avoid each other, do not do not care about the accumulation of emotions, after a short time apart, you will find that the essence of the fight is not so angry, of course, in order to avoid each other to follow up, in ordinary life, to develop this consensus.
The ability to achieve emotional independence from each other and meet our own emotional needs gives us a touch more rationality when we live together, a positive enhancement of the relationship, no indifferent right or wrong debates, a modification of the chain of negative emotions and control of our own
emotions, which allows us to avoid more quarrels, so that the intimacy of both sexes can get better and better.