I have a female friend who is over 25 and under 30, who has a good job, a great boyfriend, and is doing well in life. But the other day she said to me, “I’m thinking about getting Botox. “I had to ask why – she didn’t have a single wrinkle on her face. “I know,” she replied proudly, “but I want to keep looking the way I do now. Don’t you think it’s sexier that way?”
Well, I don’t, and I’ll be honest since you asked: I don’t think so at all. Take Kate Winslet, in the movie “Titanic,” she’s gorgeous, tough, passionate, and very feminine – but sexy?
When the movie’s Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) took her into his arms and the two climbed into the back seat of a luxury car, I didn’t even think these two would get laid. But 10 years later, in the movie “True Romance,” she also played opposite Leonardo, and her hands and feet were different, charming and sexy, as if she had adapted to the body again.
And look at Jennifer Aniston. It’s pretty cute.
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Now? Amazing. Penelope Cruz (35), Angelina Jolie (34), Eva Longoria (34) …… The list could go on and on, but you know what I mean. Because of their confidence, these mature women are overflowing with sex, look at their mannerisms, and their naturally flowing intelligence as well as their informed humor. Their names are on movie posters, they’re worth millions of dollars, and they look the part.
Men and women are similar, and when they’re young, they’re still putting their egos together piece by piece. Career, lifestyle, where you want to live, what kind of person you want to be …… You think you should have the answers by the end of adolescence, but when things happen to you, it’s always a lot harder than the stories that come out of other people’s mouths: all the reactions are not instinctive, but pretentious, and you’re groping on one side, desperate to know: am I good enough? What did he/she like? Did I do the right thing? What will they say to their friends? It’s all a little awkward, a little hard to control, and it’s still beautiful, but not as passionate and soulful as maturity.
Perhaps it’s like the food – on a first date, you order cold cuts of prawns, steak and fries. It’s great, but not the best. As you get older, you begin to appreciate the charm of duck liver pâté on bread with moussaka sweet white wine and fall in love with the way they meld on your tongue. By the time you’ve ordered your way through the menu, you’re back to steak and fries. But this time, you know the right way, the right place and the right time, and it will taste a million times better than the first time, because now you know exactly what you want.
That’s the beauty of a woman in her 30s. She has mapped out her menu, has a handle on her body, her career, her desires, and dresses very, very stylishly. In a clothing store, she can pick out pieces that seem to be made for her at a glance. She knows what works for her, she knows what she likes; she may be single, she may meet a man in a bar and take him home, but never because she’s delusional; or she’s married, and she knows she’ll no longer be able to enjoy the heart-stopping passion of her first intimate encounter with someone, but she knows she’ll have the joy of a lifetime of abundance.
In the luxurious hotel room, a woman in her 30s, moving toward the room’s king-size bed, definitely moved that little bit differently. The swaying of her hips, the smirking, smug look that blossomed in her lips and eyes, and if a man was lucky enough to be lying on that bed, it felt like opening a Christmas present and finding all the batteries already in it.
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She didn’t panic, knowing how great she looked, and she could tell by the way the man held his breath and the way he stammered for a compliment. She might have found the man’s unspoken flattery heartwarming – that alone was sexy enough. The way she flicked her legs into bed (God, the way women move! You guys are killing us, it’s killing us), or the way her skin grazes his body, is not for a young woman of 22.
We’re always in awe of you like this, really. Your confidence in the face of pleasure allows us to follow you into the vortex of your desire. You also know very well that just one touch can lead a restless, hot puppy to the pinnacle of ecstasy. Of course not all men are as enamored with mature women as the hero of “The Graduate,” but the facts are there – it’s not for nothing that this movie is a classic.
When I was 16, I used to babysit for a lovely Mrs. Jaschinski in my neighborhood, and I spent a lot of time researching what Dustin Hoffman had done to attract Mrs. Robinson in the play. In Shakespeare’s poem “The Seven Stages of Life” (The ScolorevecolornAgesofMan), he must have missed some trick. He describes the life of a man as a schoolboy, a soldier, a judge, a retired old man, etc. Good, got it, meaning that men jump through hoops all their lives. But the seven stages of women are something else entirely, and their journey is radically different from men’s.
Women always mature earlier than men, and know what they want even earlier than men. Frankly, we don’t learn to have decent conversations with people until we’re at least 25, and the same is true in the bedroom. But we do our best to learn. By the time we meet the first true love of our lives, we understand the mysteries of the human body, and it’s a new and pleasant feeling, and after that you leave behind the battlefield-like sex of adolescence.
Because sex as a teenager is inevitably uncomfortable, it smells like it’s not on stage. “
 They’re not the only way to get on base.
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And I look back now and realize that adolescent girls have had a doubly difficult journey, both giving and fighting, both passionate and introspective, and having to carefully navigate a narrow path between self-love, self-esteem, and happiness.
The journey of adolescent girls is doubly difficult.
In your 20s, life is changing rapidly, and you’ll find that sex is fun. Really, really “joyful”. Woody Allen said that of all the things that don’t require laughter, sex is one of the best. (But in my own experience, the best sex is always full of laughter – together, not at who, and that seems to be the key to greatness).
Every step along the way is fun, and men are grateful to be a part of it, and gradually build confidence in themselves along with you.
Of course, this confidence is not easy to come by, and no one will necessarily bother to help you. But don’t forget the power you have in your own hands – or the power you’ll have when you’re a few years older. Then you won’t be pessimistic, your insecurities will fade, your confidence will grow, and the answers to your life will emerge.
I’m not going to lie, when a woman becomes a real woman, she will be extremely confident – from her talents, wisdom and life experience. She will exercise conviction with a power that men cannot understand. She’s sharp-witted, proud of her body, and she talks timelessly and charmingly, and that’s the sexiest thing of all.
So I told my friend – and I don’t know if she’ll believe me, but I mean it: she can’t be bothered with Botox. Soon those wonderful, beautiful fine lines will be a natural part of her face, and they will show how much she has laughed, and someone will see them as a favorite treasure.
“A woman who is the real deal, who is sharp-witted, who is proud of her body, and who talks timelessly and charmingly, that’s the sexiest thing.”