Women are traditionally thought of as the weaker sex, and several studies have shown that men are more depressed, grief-stricken and anxious than women after a breakup. Men are supposed to feel very strong, but in fact they are very vulnerable. Believe me, I’ve read hundreds of letters from men asking for advice on how to win back their relationships. Here are some of the reasons why men don’t handle breakups well.
One, men hide their pain. When a guy gets dumped, his first reaction is: I won’t let her know how much pain I’m in. How does he do it: hang out with a few friends. According to a survey by Men’s Health Online, 26% of men will have a dumping party and get drunk after a breakup, but that’s a minority. 36% of men feel they should see their new rights and thank the person who dumped them.
In fact, both of these reactions are masks to hide their true feelings, and they don’t help at all with sadness and anger. Men are always sad about lost relationships, even after they’ve had their dumping party. Women, on the other hand, will cry immediately after a breakup and will tell the truth. Studies have found that women start out depressed when faced with their failed relationships, but quickly come out of the shadows. Many men try to suppress their emotions, but they can’t release their feelings.
2. Men have a hard time reconnecting with another relationship. After a breakup, men first feel very excited that they can date other women. But after three, four or a few dozen days, they realize it’s going to take a long time to feel as natural as it did with their exes. The Carnegie Mellon University survey showed that girls adjust better to the end of a relationship because they have considered the possibility of a breakup.
Boys, however, are not prepared. Emotional security can’t be the only reason to stay together, which makes him realize how lucky he is to have her, and at the same time, how far away she’s become from him. When he called her drunk and admitted his feelings, it was too late.
Three, men have fewer friends. One of the reasons women recover faster than men after a breakup is that women have an amazing circle of friends. Research shows that while men rely on love for emotional intimacy and social support, women prefer to have family and female friends as their safest anchors. This includes mothers, sisters, friends, beauticians and drivers, and the more she talks about whoever the other person is, the faster she will recover.
Men, on the other hand, are fine with the breakup and are not emotionally trapped. Six months later, when the man is honest about his feelings, all he wants is to go back to the girl.
Four, men see relationships as games. Many relationship breakups are a subconscious reaction, and men see them as stagnant. They find it boring to go to the same restaurants, to the same people, and to have sex over and over again.
After a breakup, they immediately realize that being single doesn’t mean champagne and half-naked babes, even in an exciting bar where they feel the intimacy of the past. Research shows that women are consistently better at social, sexual, and rational intimacy than men. They tend to be quicker to realize that lasting relationships are based on intimacy, not thrill-seeking sex.
One study showed that women adjust quickly after a breakup because they think about the possibility of a breakup and what to do afterwards early on, whereas men never do.