Today many people feel that falling in love is a waste of time, especially for older young men and women who are too busy working to take care of so much, thus the emergence of a flash marriage family, so flash marriage is good? We’ll listen to what the experts have to say first.
“Let’s get married!” “Yeah.” “You mean it?” “If you’re real, I’m real.”
In the age of fast food, flash marriages are all the rage. The speed is mind-boggling. Before someone called the “capital four” of the “South Beauty” less proprietor Wang Xiaofei and S Xu Xiyuan secret love only 20 days on the lightning engagement and then quickly finish the wedding. The next is Wang’s ex-girlfriend, Zhang Yuqi, who first showed off her “pigeon eggs” on Facebook, and then registered to marry the movie “White Deer Plain” director Wang Quanan. The new couple is very sweet. But can lightning marriages last? Psychologists have something to say.
Be cautious of flash marriages
It is often said that people in love are the most confused This is true.
There is a term in social science called disillusionment that specifically describes this phenomenon. Men and women in love are always willing to show their best side to the other half and ignore each other’s flaws and shortcomings in love. When passion first ignites, they feel an overwhelming sense of approval from each other, as if no one else in the world will ever see the world the same way he does – a true mountain of water, and a bosom of the world.
But when the lovers step through marriage and into a family, the character that was not recognized by the other person begins to reveal itself, and the original image in the minds of both parties gives way to reality. When the sense of identity is no longer there, the marriage will have serious problems. As a result, the lovers are disappointed and distressed, their love ceases, and they eventually divorce.
Ted Huston, a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, has shown that If two people are in a relationship for a short period of time, the relationship will be very fragile after the newlyweds get to know the real “lover” fully. In a whirlwind relationship, it’s easy to create a romance of “moonrise, dusk”, but the reality is, “it’s always dawn” – and that romance It doesn’t last.
Also, if a relationship is as dramatic as a movie, and is always driven by external circumstances and driven by passive romance, it is often in danger of falling apart.
Those of you who want to get married in a flash, think twice.
Two years after marriage is an important bonding period
The Hollywood movie In “The Seven Year Itch” (also known as “Seven Years a Dream”), the charming Monroe makes Evel, who has been married for seven years, itchy and restless. The first of these is the “seven year itch”, which is the seed of the “seven year dream” that has been planted in the hearts of men around the world.
The seven-year marriage crisis has become a nightmare in many people’s minds, and it’s not impossible for relationships to break up and split up.
Houston launched the “Adaptive Processes in Intimate Relationships” project in 1981. The project was conducted in rural Pennsylvania and four counties with a majority of blue-collar workers, and he selected 168 pairs of lovers from marriage registry records for the study. Marriage dates ranged from just married to between 13 years.
Houston used interviews to study how couples get along, spanning from the time they fall in love and are newly married until the first few years of marriage. He quantifies the positive and negative feelings couples have for each other and how those feelings change over time.
The study sample included 56 divorced couples whose experiences indicated that as the initial sweet love grew flat, it heralded a change in the couple’s relationship – with constant arguments even big fights – eventually leading to the disintegration of the family. Houston said, “The first two years of marriage are critical, and the risk of divorce is higher during this time.”
Houston believes that to avoid marriage breakups, the focus should be on constantly thinking of the good in each other and interacting with each other in a positive way, rather than focusing on conflict resolution.
A fight can be a way to bond
While fights themselves are not usually the direct cause of a divorce, they are not the direct cause of a divorce. is usually not the direct cause of divorce, but fighting will eventually cast a shadow over a marriage. It’s important to understand why couples actually fight before they get married, and it may help you avoid a lot of unnecessary arguments.
Couples clash coldly, verbally, and physically – the most common are the fights, and the fights are for a variety of reasons. -The most common reason is to fight. Why do couples always argue and spit between each other?
Steven Reiss, a retired professor emeritus of psychology and psychiatry at Ohio State University, answers this question from the perspective of human needs. Steven Reiss, professor emeritus of psychology and psychiatry at Ohio State University, answers this question from a human needs perspective.
Reiss argues that almost all psychologically important motivations can be grouped into 16 human needs – acceptance, curiosity, eating, family, honor, ideals, independence, command sports, power, romance, frugality, socialization, status, peace, and revenge.
Everyone has these needs, just not to the same degree, and these 16 needs make each person an individual. Just as some people are sociable, while others enjoy solitude; some people are like Grandy who sees money as his life, while others spend it like water.
At the same time, there is a natural tendency for people to behave in a way called “self-hugging”: everyone values themselves, so it is common for people to mistaking their own preferences for everyone else’s. Thus, in romantic and marital relationships, people always try to change the values of their lovers with their usual strong attitudes, believing that the way they used to like to behave, the lovers can also learn and like – although it is not for their own benefit, but simply because they think that if the other person adopts the way of life they value and becomes like themselves, life will be happier.
In this way, the paradox arises – how can each person be exactly the same as the other when they have different measures of human needs? Here’s the crux of the problem: conflict between couples often stems from a dissonance with each other’s human needs caused by the tendency to “embrace the self.
The solution isn’t hard – respect each other’s nature and be more understanding – but how many people can handle it well? ultimately handle it well?
The idea that when faced with the person you love the most, he loves me so he has to give in and give for me is oh so dangerous. More to yourself; less according to their own ideas to harden each other; and do not distinguish who is stronger and who wins. This is the experience of couples who have had happy marriages for many years.