He had gotten what he wanted; he had fucked me, and in doing so, he had taken my virginity, my dignity, and I’d have to live with the fact that my first sexual encounter was with a man, a gay man., which left me wondering, “Am I gay now too?” I really didn’t want to think I was, but convinced myself maybe like him, I was bisexual
I felt powerless, he was my ride back to the game room and when I continued to not say anything, he asked again if I liked it, which made me finally say, “Yea,” just so he’d stop pushing for answer.
We eventually left his apartment, and as we drove he suggested, “How about I take you home.”
Hesitant at first, I agreed it was a good idea, because I didn’t really wanting to see or talk to anyone, not after what had just happened.
I wanted to get home, I wanted to get away from him, and feeling John continuing to look over, obviously wanting to say something, I tried to focus on looking out the side window, not wanting to make eye contact.
The ride seemed to be taking forever, and when I felt the crack of my ass becoming slippery, it reminded me that it was probably KY oozing out, and then again I panicked that it was most likely his cum too.
Finally, we pulled into my cul-de-sac and parking out front of my house, John reached over and touching my leg again said, “That was really nice.”
Looking over at him, I smiled, relieved, and after quickly getting out of the car, and not looking back, I hurried in the house. Inside, I went straight to the bathroom and after taking off all my clothes, I sat on the toilet. I wanted to get his cum out of me and as I pushed, I only managed to get a little more out.
Immediately, I decided to took a long shower, thinking I needed to clean up and that I might be able to somehow get the rest out. Desperately, I tried to finger my ass, but not being very successful, I eventually convinced myself, “Yea, I had probably gotten it all out.”
Drying myself, I went to my bedroom and as I sat there, I felt ashamed about what had happened and as I continued to mull it over, and I realized he hadn’t use a condom, and that he had actually cum in me. I had worried myself into a frenzy about getting a disease, but it was too late now. I continued to worry about it for a long time, but eventually, I did get tested, but much later.
A few days went by before I got up the nerve to go back to the game room. I wanted to ask about the car he had promised me and when I confronted him about it, he smiled and said, “Let’s go for a drive and talk about it.”
As we left the game room, I was confident, he was going to agree to give me the car, because I felt I had fulfilled my obligation. However, as we pulled away and started driving, he explained, “The deal was, that you’d sleep with me,” and then said, “I was hoping you’d want to do it more than once.”
I was kind of confused, and not saying anything, John said, “I’m sorry, but no.”
I was in shock, I knew I had done my part, but as I sat there stewing he said, “Well, I’ll tell you what, if you want to do it again, I’ll give you the car.”
He had put it out there, and I was considering it, but when he again said, “But only if you’ll agree, to do it again,” I shutdown.
I didn’t know what to say, I wanted the car, but didn’t want to have sex with him again, it was really the fact of the matter. We eventually made our way back to the game room and as I started to get out of the car he reminded me again, “I still have it,” and then said, “If you want to try it again, I’ll give it to you.”
I stayed away from the game room for a long time and when I did return, we were cordial, but I felt he was still looking to continue the relationship, and maybe in a way I was too.
A few weeks had passed, and yea, I was still thinking about what we had done, and when John happened to come up to me, I could see he wanted to tell me something.
He was smiling, and after asking how I was doing, he mention that he had moved to an apartment, closer to where I lived. Immediately, it sparked my interest, making me think, Really?”
I actually didn’t know what to think, but when he saw my reaction, he told me, “You should come by sometime.”
The apartments where on the other side of my neighborhood, I knew where they were, and I did end up venturing over there once, convincing myself, “Maybe the car is there.”
I do think that deep down, I wanted to have sex with him again, but being I was kind of shy, I think subconsciously, I needed him to initiate it. As I entered his apartment, an immediate feeling of uneasiness came over me, I felt trapped.
He kept this apartment dark too and when he tried to get me further into his apartment, I nervously told him I couldn’t stay. I think he was disappointed, but if he would have just initiated … anyway, I ended up leaving.
I did visit again, and I think subconsciously I was hoping he’d make a move, offering me something, but he never did. I think he was torn, I knew he wanted to do it again, but maybe he felt I should initiate it this time, all the time not realizing I wanted to do it too.
The car never did materialize, and even though I continued see him up at the game room, and later tried to contact him, we never again had sex. I have continued to think about John fucking me, and I remember back to when the neighbor boy introduced me to having “things” inserted in my ass.
I have desperately wanted to try it again, to the point where I have tried to contact people online, but these days, casual sex could really have deadly consequences.