Raising a child is the only way to know what your parents are like, but sometimes even after becoming a parent, you can’t handle family relationships very well. The reason for this is complex and involves many long-standing problems in every family. It is because of the complexity of the problem that we need to be careful to find a solution.
So what can parents do when their 40-year-old son disrespects his parents? There are four specific suggestions.
1. Self-reflection. Reflect on the cause of disrespect and find the core problem;
2. Adjust your mindset. Try to adjust your mindset and look at the problem objectively;
3. Do your best to reconcile with your children, or seek external mediation;
4. Focus on your retirement and be at peace with your future.
Next, these four suggestions will be elaborated and detailed methods will be given, and I believe you will get what you deserve. Self-reflection
When we want to solve a problem, we must reflect on the root of the problem itself. The son’s disrespect for his parents is regrettable, but we don’t have to read too much into it. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, even if it’s criticized.
There are three ways to look at the core of the problem of a son not respecting his parents
1.
A family’s family ethos and tutelage are extremely important to children in their formative years. When a child becomes an adult, the character he developed in his family of origin becomes solid, and while good character is welcome, bad character can cause many problems for parents.
When a child is disrespectful, parents should reflect on whether they have ever been taught in a poor manner. If it is a problem with tutoring, parents need not blame themselves too much; it is important to stay calm.
2. Getting along after marriage.
When your son or daughter has a family, what is the pattern of getting along between you? The problem will be different if you live together or separately.
Living together can lead to arguments over family matters and conflicts over habits; living separately can lead to issues about retirement, which is a major point of contention between parents and children.
3. The conflict of the moment.
Whether there have been disputes in the recent past that have led to hard feelings between parents and their sons. Parents can focus on the various experiences they have had with their son recently and find things, words, that have caused you to be at odds.
Recent conflicts are different from longer-term conflicts, and the former are easier to resolve than the latter.
In short, parents need to get to the core issue, which is the beginning of solving family problems.
Adjusting the mindset
When we realize what the problem is, we need to adjust our mindset, look objectively at the dilemma at hand, and do our best to solve the problem.
It’s not easy for older adults to adjust their mindset, but we need to improve it step by step for the sake of the whole family.
How can seniors adjust their mindset? Here are some suggestions:
First, be willing to accept a fait accompli and face reality. Now that it’s happened, we need to accept it for what it is, not dwell on the “I can’t believe it” emotion. The best way to solve a problem is to face it head on and actively address it, not run away from it.
Second, it’s important to get rid of your worries and talk about them. When you’re upset, you need to get rid of it and find a good friend to talk about it and let her guide you. When I try to confide, we need to pay attention to the negative spread. If your best friend can’t keep a secret, then you can also try to go to a community service worker to talk about your problems.
Finally, when distracted, go to more activities. For example, such as raising flowers, birds, playing chess, playing cards, dancing, singing, etc.
Before we are ready to deal with family problems, we need to calm ourselves down in a workable way and can go to the present moment with an objective view. The only way to resolve conflicts in a calm state is to make the problem-solving process smooth and harmonious.
For resolution
We have different ways of dealing with different family conflicts, but there are three suggestions:
Advice 1: If the child has been disrespectful to the parents for a long time because of their personality, then the parents need to focus on what they have done. The parents need to focus on whether the parenting was appropriate, and not to engage in direct theorizing or lecturing with their son.
If you communicate directly with your son, you will inevitably continue the same way of communication and education, which will be counterproductive. The parents should not rush to communicate with their children first, but need to seek the mediation of their relatives or daughter-in-law.
Some people may wonder, “It’s understandable to ask a relative for help, but why do you need a daughter-in-law?
In fact, it is very effective to seek mediation from your daughter-in-law because she is your son’s pillow talker and is more likely to talk her husband into changing his mind. This is good for your daughter-in-law to set an example for your own children, so that filial piety can be passed on in this extended family.
Advice 2: If it is a trivial matter in your son’s life after marriage that leads to disrespect for his parents. This is the time when parents need to interfere less with their sons’ family issues, and maybe your intervention is affecting the children’s married life.
Children and grandchildren have their own lives. Both generations have different trajectories, and parents need to go about their lives more. The mother needs to talk calmly with her children and find a way to get along
Advice 3: If it is because of the pension issue, the son does not respect his parents because he is not going to support them. On the issue of pension, try to negotiate as much as possible, this issue can seek community (village committee) personnel to coordinate; if it does not work, parents can also consult the relevant personnel, take up the legal weapons to defend their legitimate rights.
In short, we must be calm and take peace as the key when we deal with the problem. For different problems, we need to apply the appropriate methods to deal with them and try our best to solve the dilemma at hand. Planning for the future
Regardless of how this matter ends up, parents need to plan for their own future. Parents can’t interfere too much with their children’s lives; they have their own paths to follow in life. Parents need to focus on how they want to retire and what they want to do with their lives.
Methods of aging: There are three general options for aging in place. You can choose to age independently at home, which is more spontaneous; you can choose to go to a nursing home, which has more facilities; or you can rotate your children, which means you can change homes every once in a while, which is good for fostering family relationships.
There are many ways to age, and the best way to age is to live in the way you feel most comfortable and comfortable, taking into account your financial, family, and physical circumstances.
Life aspirations: As people have more time in their later years, we can take our previous regrets and try to realize them some time in the future. You can choose to develop personal hobbies, attend senior college, go on trips, and so on.
The years don’t stop, and life is too short to go back, so why not cherish the moment?
In short, seniors need to think more about themselves, and what can their children do?
If you are a person, you can be a person, you can be a person.