You may have been in love for many years, and you may not remember loving many people, but when you look back at the long road of love, you suddenly realize that you have been in love with the same person or woman. The company’s main goal is to provide a comprehensive range of products and services to the public. The frequent encounter with cloned romance, in the end why? The most important thing is to make sure that you don’t get caught in a cloned relationship.
1. I fell in love with a man who took me to “count the stars”
Thirty-year-old Vivi started a new relationship in late 2011, before which she lost count of the number of emotional entanglements and small flings. The first love object is a middle school classmate, he knitted 9999 lucky stars for her in high school for 3 years, not very handsome, but very good at conveying feelings and romantic spirit; the second love in the first year of college, because he accompanied her to watch the stars by the Miyun reservoir in the suburbs of Beijing for one night; the third love is a trip to Inner Mongolia, met a photo journalist who was shooting the moon; the latest love is and Jiangxi hometown
Vivi is a member of the board of directors of the National Institute of Technology (NIT), a non-profit organization that provides a wide range of services to the public.
Vivi said that for her, every relationship not only has a similar beginning, but also has a similar ending, because she can’t get used to the romance and passion after the dullness, so every relationship ends up with nothing.
2, in love with a copy of Vivian Zhou
The 34-year-old Xin is a civil servant in an institution in Guangzhou, just newly married a year ago, his wife is an engineering girl who just returned from studying in Japan, with fair skin, long flowing hair, tall and quiet temperament. At the wedding banquet, all the classmates were exclaiming: your wife and your first love looks too much like your first love, are a replica of Vivian Chow ah. The new brother laughed that he had a “relationship filter” installed in his body, and that he had fallen in love with her over the years with similar characteristics, not only in form, but also in spirit.
New recalls that in high school, when he and his dorm mates discussed which actress would be the most suitable wife, he said he wanted to marry someone like Vivian Chow, and has been looking for his “Vivian Chow” ever since, and now he finally got his wish.
3. All those who fall in love are violent men
Qiu Yue is only 27 years old, but has been in four relationships and one marriage. Her parents had a bad relationship when she was a child, and her father often beat her mother, so from the time she understood she became determined to find a man who would love her well. But things didn’t work out the way she wanted them to, and she has never been able to escape a violent man.
“The first time I fell in love was with a fellow countryman who worked with me and was very caring at first, but slowly began to be suspicious and provocative and quarrelsome, and after the second time he hit me, I ended that relationship by working in another city. The next two relationships, are much the same, the object of love are mood swings, violent man with a temper, can be gentle as water, but when angry turn the other cheek, can not control the emotions hit people.” Qiu Yue’s most recent relationship was a year ago, a marriage with a child, but because the child was born prematurely, her ex-husband began drinking, and the two developed from quarrels to strikes, which also ended in divorce.
Expert opinion: Clone romance is determined by latent imagery
Encountering clone romance is a common phenomenon in emotional life. It’s just that some people are so obvious that they can spot the pattern at first glance, while others don’t show it so obviously and are ignored. The reason why this phenomenon arises is because men and women develop adoration for each other, especially love at first sight, is because most of our search for a love object is determined by our latent imagery.
What is latent imagery? It refers to the fact that individuals grow up thinking that my parents or a significant other (meaning the opposite sex) should get my core needs met, but for some reason that desire cannot be met and is repressed in the subconscious. When the individual grows up, this core need is triggered when searching for a partner, and the object of his or her search for a relationship is that significant other from childhood. This is what we mean when we say that finding a partner is very often a search for parents, not necessarily similar in external aspects, but certainly the same in the most important characteristics.
Why do some people want to be in a relationship with only the same kind of person even though they may have changed partners 10 times? Why is it that some women who have been divorced three times still find someone to marry who has a propensity for domestic violence? Even if the reason for each of her divorces was due to domestic violence, and at the time she was looking for someone, she had long decided that she would never want a man with domestic violence as a husband, but before she understood her core needs, she would still marry someone with a tendency to domestic violence the next time. Under the influence of latent memory imagery, relationships often turn into a repeat of the same mistakes.
Methodology: Helping our “inner child” grow
Who is more likely to be in a cloned relationship? Experts say that from a psychological perspective, individuals who lack a sense of autonomy and independence, who lack self-worth, who have low self-esteem, and who are dependent are most likely to experience such tendencies. These individuals are often influenced by the childhood part of their personality and are an underdeveloped individual.
How can we avoid clone lovers turning into clone traps? In the opinion of experts, the first step should be to conduct a psychological analysis of the self and understand your core needs. Marriage has no standard answers and cannot be a healing medicine for the psychological shadows of childhood. Although marriage, can make our latent psychological needs to be satisfied, but after the satisfaction you may find that because he / she is not the person you really need, the confusion and crisis of marriage comes. So if you’re always in the same kind of relationship and often fall flat on your face, it’s best to seek counseling from a counselor or marriage and family counselor, or read some psychological books to let your inner “child” grow.
The “inner child” is a sensitive, vulnerable space that is hidden from us when we are young because our hearts are often unfulfilled and uncomfortable, like a child who has not grown up. When we become adults, once we encounter frustration. We will be taken over by this “inner child” and struggle and suffer in various relationships. A child doesn’t have the courage or wisdom to face the hurt he suffers, but as adults, we have the maturity to help our “inner child” grow up as if we were soothing and cherishing our own children.
Putting it in perspective: What type of clone relationship do you have?
The cool type: The best match must meet a specific set of criteria: looks, height, family background, upbringing, education, social status, and age. For such people, falling in love is like doing questions, after some filtering and screening, there is only one standard answer. For the calm type of clone romance, happiness may have to depend on luck.
Sensitive: You are always hit by the same him or her, often as a result of the person’s unconscious or cognitive bias. And it will follow the person for the rest of his or her life. This situation can be further divided into psychological and physical aspects. The physical level is mainly reflected in looks and appearance. The psychological level is reflected in the temperament and mental qualities. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are looking for.
Paranoid: You have a fixed imagination of the family model, and your vision of the other half is influenced by the family, and the disharmony of the family will make the subconscious feel a strong sense of attachment, and the demands on the other half will be more “idealistic”, and you will be constantly seeking and the excitement of not getting the ideal.
Nostalgia: The early years of young love may have been full of troubles and pains, but after the complexities of people and events, the memories converge with “happiness”. The first time you meet someone who is similar to the other half of your memory, you can easily “fall in love” with her, but this is not an emotion, but an emotion.