Intimacy is a state, tacit understanding is a realm. Marriage makes it necessary for two people to be close, to eat and sleep together, to go in and out together …… and tacit understanding is a look or a gesture, or even a thought that has not yet been expressed outwardly, that makes the other person understand and resonate ……
Turn the humor on yourself
The more you are not afraid to show your awkward side in front of the other person, the more relaxed you are in front of them, and the better the rapport will be. Remember to turn the humor on yourself as you work on your mutual ability to take a joke. In the newlywed stage, an unpleasant experience is likely to start with an offhand joke, such as making fun of the other person’s newly permed hair that looks like a curly lion that has been electrocuted, or making fun of the other person’s burly body that looks like a hippopotamus.
This is because, at this stage, both partners are not yet familiar enough to “see the joke as intimacy” and don’t realize that making fun of each other is a “higher” form of flirting than sweet talk; on the other hand, the person who started the joke didn’t first “target” it. The other side of the coin is that the person who started the joke did not first turn the “spearhead” on himself. The experts believe that every couple has a strong potential for humor, and the one with the stronger humor should take on the obligation to mobilize the other’s humorous energy, and this “demonstration” should start with self-deprecation.
Song Yang, 28, used to be particularly unhappy when her husband called her a “butterfly” (meaning she always put on a lot of glitter when she went to bars or parties), but since he called himself “I’m a chimpanzee,” she’s been relieved. “The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product that will be available to the public.
This incident made Song Yang reflect on his “allergic” reaction to the word “butterfly”: “I realized that he was calling me that, not to make me change, but to make our relationship more relaxed. I realized that he didn’t want me to change, but wanted us to get along more easily.” Song Yang has also slowly learned to end arguments with self-deprecation. Sometimes when two people are at odds and Song Yang wants to take the initiative to end a cold war that has lasted all day, she sticks a note on the fridge: “Ape: you should forgive the butterfly, you know butterflies are famous for being ‘mindless’, and even more intelligent butterflies have a brain capacity of no more than 0.01 ounces. ”
I don’t think anyone could hold their face in front of such a note. Self-deprecation, seemingly self-deprecating, is actually the smartest way to end disputes and, invariably, to avoid the negativity that comes with everyday arguments, which is really an unexpectedly high way to promote intimacy.
Don’t care too much about his past
If you’re not his first love, you must have an unexplainable curiosity about his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, and much of this weirdness stems from jealousy. And, if he was your first love, this jealousy is mixed with a strong sense of imbalance. However, hounding him about his past will not help build mutual trust and intimacy. Yes, you would like to know how he met his ex-girlfriend? What did his parents say about his ex-girlfriend? What was the real reason for their breakup?
Whether his answer is a lie or the truth, what good does that do you? The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. For his ex-girlfriend, do you want him to forget as soon as possible, or do you want him to dwell on the memories again and again? The 31-year-old Qiu Meiling said, “I am the winner, so why ask the loser where to flee?” Believe it!
Enjoy silent sex and create “action codes” that only you will understand. After moving into her new home, Zhou Miao complained to her best friend about the declining intimacy and understanding between her and her husband.
It turns out that a year ago they were living with Zhou Miao’s parents. The two enjoy a near-silent sex with “ears on the wall,” and have created many seemingly unusual sexual cues that their parents don’t understand, but they both understand. For example, Zhou Miao is a fruit and vegetable juice lover, and the “juicing task” is usually undertaken by her husband. An hour after dinner, he would come and ask, “I’m going to squeeze fresh orange juice, do you want a glass?” The “orange juice” is his signal, and if Zhou Miao wants to surf the Internet or watch a video alone, he says, “No more orange juice today, just a glass of carrot and tomato juice for me.”
Sometimes when they go out to dinner and the waiter laughingly asks, “Do you want red wine or orange juice?” they both laugh heartily, and their husbands rush to say, “Let’s have a glass of orange juice, freshly squeezed, not canned.” In retrospect, the silent movie days of “fresh orange juice” are also fascinating. In the case of the wall with ears, silent sex relies entirely on the tacit understanding of the heart to make both sides to achieve the most enjoyable realm. Zhou Miao was once inspired to whisper, “Oh, we’re like a pair of sky thieves having sex in a museum.” Yes, surrounded by “alarm bells” and “infrared shields,” this kind of adventurous fun makes intimacy feel more “in the same boat” than ever. After realizing that the new, empty home had reduced their sexual drive, Zhou began to enthusiastically invite both parents to come and stay for a while, and was also eager to stay with friends who came from afar. She would buy a large basket of oranges beforehand and ask everyone, “Would you be interested in a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice?” But all she had to do was watch one person’s reaction.
Find a platform to spend time alone to gossip
Don’t expect to shower your love with a constant stream of sweet talk after seven years of marriage. Gossip is probably more appropriate for this stage, with its mix of care, affection, and coinciding visions of various family plans.
When Guo Geun, 32, switched to a new home, she purposely picked an apartment with a terrace on the top floor, and she made a cedar sunroom on top of it, putting in rattan and canvas loungers. The wooden house was also a place for them to dry their clothes, with wooden bookshelves, potted plants, and a single-door refrigerator that was outgrown by the family. Guo Geun’s husband often found champagne and fresh matcha cakes in the fridge, and once found a large box of ice cream inside. All of these reserves are provided by Geun for the “gossip” sessions. On weekends, after the kids and the babysitter are asleep, the two of them climb out onto the terrace for a glass of champagne and lie around, gossiping. The topics are what plants should be planted in the yard, which water-saving sprinklers are more cost-effective; what ridiculous things happened at the last class reunion; office jokes; the seventh way to make South American white shrimp; and, some personal whims, such as Guo Geun’s desire to paint the original wooden chairs at home, turning them into “flower chairs” and “fruit chairs”. But she was worried that her parents would think she was going crazy when they found out, “Last time they heard that I had bought four expensive pearwood chairs, they already thought I was going crazy; if I painted them this time, wouldn’t I go crazy again?” As a result, Guo Geun soon got the support of Mr. His reason: “It’s not just four chairs? How to pass a limited life without doing something unproductive?” The terrace and the cedar cabin eventually became the place where the couple agreed on many trivialities.
Inevitably, married life has its homely, trivial aspects, and one of the root causes of the impediment to a sense of tacit understanding is the desire to replace and avoid the trivial with endless romance, which is certainly ostrich-like.