When we love someone, we are unconsciously nice to them, and we only care about them, not about our own gains and losses, not about their feelings.
In fact, if you really love someone, it’s okay to give a little more, as long as you enjoy it. The key is whether he can reciprocally perceive your love for him.
With Valentine’s Day just two months away, an Italian psychologist conducted this experiment with two pairs of lovers with roughly the same upbringing, age and dating history.
The boy in one of the pairs sent a bouquet of red roses to his beloved girl every weekend, while the boy in the other pair sent a bouquet of red roses to his beloved girl only on Valentine’s Day.
Guess what the result would be? It stands to reason that the girl who receives red roses every weekend will be more excited because her boyfriend sends a little more of them, while the girl who never receives red roses may not be too excited because her boyfriend only sends that one bunch.
And the truth is that the two girls had the opposite reaction.
The girl who received red roses every weekend acted rather calmly. Despite no major dissatisfaction, she couldn’t help but say, “I’ve seen guys give their girlfriends large amounts of ‘blue sirens’, which are much prettier than these ordinary red roses!” And the girl who had never received a red rose before, when holding the red rose in her hand from her boyfriend, showed the extreme sweetness of being pampered and cared for, and then surprisingly next to no one and ecstatic, kissed her boyfriend tightly together.
The same excitement, one ignored, one remembered. Why?
The answer is simple: because a rose in the latter is a more perceptible “difference” than in the former. And this perception of “difference” is the same for men and women alike.
I saw a movie, I can’t remember the name, about a man who left home after a fight with his wife, and after a day of hanging out, he suddenly realized he didn’t have any money with him when he was having lunch, so he called a female colleague. The man wanted to borrow some money from her, but I did not expect the kind-hearted female colleague said to invite him to dinner, during the meal female colleagues are sandwiched meat, tea and water. After the meal he could not help but lament: “We usually do not talk much, you are so good to me! If my wife could do that to me, I would be satisfied.”
In fact, this female colleague had long been attracted to him, but only complained that she usually did not have the opportunity to approach him. This is a great opportunity, she is the gentle and considerate side of the play to the fullest, take men to drink coffee, sing K, eat stalls …… just two days, the two people will be like glue. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.
In fact, the trigger for the quarrel was that the wife came home late that day and didn’t make the meal on time before he came home.
See here, I believe many people can’t help but ask: She just invited you to have a meal, you are so happy, your wife cooked for you for several years as a day, how do you not know how to appreciate, the meal was cooked late even bad words?
For a stranger, because he didn’t have much hope, the slightest help she gives will be the cause of his gratitude.
And for the lover, the more you are kind to him, the higher his expectations are that you will treat him better. When a man takes your care for granted, everything you do will not move him; and once you do worse than usual, even a little, he will be disgusted with you.
That’s why a man eventually becomes bad, often spoiled by a woman. The fact is that the more you are good to him, the more he will appreciate you, but in fact, the better you are to him, the more he will feel that you love him for granted.
Don’t be too nice to him or too bad to him, just be plain; just give him a little surprise when it matters, let him feel that you treat him a little differently, and he will love you more. Of course, you can even sometimes leave him alone, sometimes let him eat a little jealousy. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing.