From a young age, we were taught that lying is wrong. But should you really not tell any lies once you’ve walked into a marriage?
Lies are also a kind of truth
As the title suggests, lies are divided into well-intentioned s and non-good intentions. A well-intentioned lie may be seen as a spice in a marriage, a non-well-intentioned lie is a different story. Sometimes, does lying mean that the level of trust between the couple is not quite enough? In fact, over-the-top or wrong lies can only mean that the couple is not bridging their love well enough, and have nothing to do with lies.
If a lie is seamless, then it’s not a lie because you wouldn’t know about it. So it’s not a discussion of how to tell the truth, it’s how to deal with others, how to deal with emotions.
In fact, lies are not the enemy in a marriage. It depends on how you deal with it. The greatest evil that comes from lies is speculation and suspicion. And suspicion is more dangerous than the lie itself.
If the lie is well-intentioned, what need do you have to expose it? Even if you already know the truth, then it is important for you to see what is wrong between you, maybe one of you is too tied up or maybe can’t tolerate some of the lifestyle of one of you. In any case there is room for improvement in your relationship. Give him space, it’s the same kind of trust.
If the lie is malicious, what need do you have to expose it? If your marriage has insurmountable obstacles, the day will come when the end will come. A proper end is probably the best option. What you need to do is to save your relationship (if you want to), not to expose the lies. Go ahead and believe him and work on changing the current situation, which may make defusing the crisis the most likely.
This shows that a wise and forgiving woman is not physically and emotionally exhausted by suspicion, she understands that as long as I am true to myself, that is enough and I will be at peace with the end of this relationship. This kind of woman, I think will certainly get the best reward. And a wiser and more forgiving woman, others simply will not and do not need to treat her with lies.
The same holds true for men.
Lies make cheating less dangerous for marriage
I am in no way trying to defend or make excuses to excuse people who cheat; I just see cheating as a fact of life. A few tried and true lies might make cheating less painful, less heartbreaking, less marriage threatening.
I don’t think telling my spouse, “I told you I slept with such-and-such a man/woman and had too much fun,” takes advantage of anything, but it saves a lot of trouble to say nothing at all. It’s better not to say anything and save yourself a lot of trouble. I know a woman who tells lies on a level, and she has a very novel and worthwhile suggestion for unfaithful people who are caught in flagrante delicto, she suggests: “You should say you were shivering with cold and he was just trying to warm you up.” Now it’s unlikely that anyone with any sense would believe that kind of nonsense. But here’s the kicker: it’s more touching than “We’re not broken” or “Get out of my way. It’s worth a shot at anything, because you should keep in mind that the unfortunate spouse would love to believe that your words are true. This is the first rule that must be followed when lying in a situation where you are forced to explain.
The second, equally important principle is that if you could have muddled things up with a little bit of truth and a lot of lies, and you came clean completely, you’d be calling it stupid. Of course it is also important to choose exactly which truths to tell. It’s good to be careful when choosing, sometimes irrelevant facts are really not easy to find. “Just met at a sales meeting and hooked up for a night” sounds a little more acceptable than “they’ve been going out to restaurants for a year”. Likewise, having your spouse “look at a hotel bill” isn’t as painful as “reading a bunch of love letters”.
It’s not the sex itself that hurts, it’s the motive for the affair, and if the motive is warm and romantic and poetic and not just lustful, it’s better to cover it up.
Lies are a necessity in marriage
Of course, the above-mentioned
And of course, a marriage might go farther and smoother if it starts without lies; once there are lies in the middle, the rest will have to go on and on, more or less.
So, in a way, lies are a necessity in marriage – whether to avoid needless arguments or to save the marriage.