[Introduction]Couples can’t guarantee sweet love every day, there are too many contradictions in their personalities in life that need to be honed. The first thing you need to do is to learn how to deal with the bickering and bickering, so don’t let the conflict escalate.
[The basic pattern of quarrel]
1. The woman is angry and upset because of something the man said or did;
2. The man starts to try to explain, and then thinks, “What’s all the fuss about? It’s just a little thing, isn’t it? Is it worth getting so angry?
3. The woman starts to nag constantly, trying to justify what the man is doing, how it was different from now. She clearly tells the man that it is not the matter itself, but the man’s attitude that chills and angers her;
4. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem. The company’s main goal is to provide a solution to the problem. I admit my fault, there is no way. I can not afford to mess with, I can avoid. I’m not going to do it.
5. The woman thought: How can men be so irresponsible nowadays? It seems that mom is right, no man in the world is good. This time we can’t just let him get away with it, otherwise, it’s going to turn over.
6. Both men and women are thinking: I’m right and you’re wrong. Both people have forgotten why they quarreled. Either quarrel, or cold war. No one is willing to give in first.
[Character analysis of quarreling behavior]
It is said that men and women come from different planets (men are from Mars, women are from Venus), so men and women think in very different ways. Men and women process information and deliver it differently. Because they can’t understand the meaning behind each other, many times, it’s like a chicken and a duck, and quarrels become inevitable.
Generally speaking, men focus on logic and on changes in the external world.
Women, on the other hand, are more emotional and care about what people say about themselves.
Men are tough on the outside, but simple and linear in their thinking, emotionally unresponsive, facetious, and like to put on a show in front of outsiders;
Women are soft on the outside, but reticulate and sensitive in their thinking. Imaginative and suspicious. Sometimes it is not possible to tell whether you are dreaming or in reality, and the transition between being happy and crying is a blink of an eye.
So men can’t understand how women behave in a fight:
So fond of rehashing old scores, so vicious words are thought up.
They are not the only ones who have been in the business for a long time.
It turns out that a woman’s logic is as follows: she can only use extreme ways to get a man’s attention. She has to use the most decisive words, the most regretful words to make a statement, she is actually reminding men: I want just a little tenderness. This you do not even agree, I am also too disgraceful. You should admit your mistake, and if you do, I will forgive you immediately.
And women can’t understand men’s behavior in a fight. Women always think wishfully:
Although I like to compare you with others, it’s not because I like you. Otherwise, how could I be good to you! You don’t love me at all.
And the man’s logic is: you say others are good, so why are you with me? Since you don’t trust me, what’s the need for us to talk. Since you are in charge of everything, every time you are in front of your friends, you can’t let me down. What’s the point of us being together?
[There are reasons why men argue]
“I don’t like the scenario where she chatters on and on, telling me what to do, and the smallest things like chicken scratch can upset or upset her and make it unbearable for me. I feel like she’s judging me and not accepting me, she treats me like a child!”
“When I engage in some kind of action that is risky, or prone to failure, she always gets in the way. She worries excessively about my every move. She doesn’t trust my abilities, and I take it very hard!”
“She always seems to get hurt by something I say, and she expects me to know exactly what she’s thinking. But I’m not a worm in her stomach, and I can’t guess. That makes me feel stressed out.”
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[Among the reasons women argue]
“For my feelings, my demands, he never takes them seriously. He always has a bunch of reasons to shirk his responsibilities. I can understand him if he forgets to do something, but really dislike him making excuses or treating me like a nag!”
“I don’t like it when men tell me I shouldn’t feel bad. He also says that I shouldn’t be angry, that I don’t have to worry, and that I’m always thinking nonsense. I feel that he never acknowledges my feelings and doesn’t support my ideas.”
“When I ask questions or make conclusions, he is noncommittal or even unresponsive. He always doesn’t bother to listen to me, and I don’t like that, as if I don’t exist!”
The man becomes the trigger for an argument
This is usually because of not sharing the woman’s mood and feelings. For example, he says to a woman, “You shouldn’t be bothered by this!” He may be coming from a good place and making all the effort he can. Trying to make the woman understand that she is depressed, is completely mediocre. From his face, the woman can not see a trace of understanding, his words can only make the woman deeply appreciate: the man does not care about her feelings. The man cares only about getting rid of the responsibility as soon as possible.
Sometimes the woman becomes the trigger for another argument
When she is in a bad mood, she often doesn’t say it directly, but likes to remind the man of it by scolding him. For example, when a man comes home late, she says, “You’re back so late, have you thought about my mood?” The woman’s negative attitude makes the man hear all the blame and resentment. What he feels is an attack on him, and he instinctively resists. Therefore, what a man needs is a woman’s approval, and what a woman needs is a man who cares about her feelings. Understanding this, the chances of an argument will be much less.
A quarrel is a matter of “perspective”, not “right and wrong”
The main reason couples quarrel is because they think there must be only one answer. The basic mindset of the quarreler is “I must be right about this, my significant other must be wrong”. The problem is that when both people think this way, the quarrels will be endless. In fact, family disputes and spousal arguments often have no fixed answers, they are purely a matter of perspective, not right and wrong. People who “fight” try hard to understand what the other person really means in the process of arguing, or to compare the differences between them. People who “don’t argue” try hard to refute each other in the process of arguing, just to prove their “inerrancy”, which results in both sides losing.
A quarrel should be “emotional”, not “reasonable”
A quarrel is usually characterized by reasoning, so you try to catch the other person’s flawed language and find the flaws in their logic. The problem is that “arguing” is not the same as “reasoning. The problem is that the process of “arguing” often “hurts”, winning the reason often makes the other party more to you no feelings only. The problem is that the process of “arguing” between husband and wife is often “hurtful”, and it is far more constructive than using analysis and debate to argue.
There is a simple way to prevent some unnecessary fights. To use an old Chinese saying, it’s: respect each other like a guest.
In fact, it’s true: men and women often find that they are much more tolerant of their colleagues and friends than of their lovers.
Friends are better, but they have distance. And lovers are better, and belong to themselves. The first thing that you can do is to take a look at what you want.
I don’t know what to say.
So, the lover is often not as good as the friend. You can’t be forgiving, you can’t talk, and you can’t forgive.
This is a fight that can’t be avoided anyway.
Fights, for many different reasons, have the same result: to destroy the foundation of the relationship, to destroy the basic trust between people. The occasional fight is a ritual of communication, but many times, it is uncontrollable and disastrous.
Appropriate silence or compromise is not weakness. Rather, it is to avoid the moment when the sword is drawn and the heart is bewildered. It takes more skill and reason to live a happy and joyful life.
In fact, at all times, it is important to remember the saying that men need respect and women need care.