Does someone always make your emotions go up and down, like a roller coaster ride?
Is someone as hot as fire for you yesterday and as cold as ice today?
When you want to talk to your family and friends, they are always talking about you?
Cain Whitson, an assistant professor of psychology at Moreauvian University, believes that if you answered yes to one of the three questions above, there is a good chance that you are being perpetrated by someone who is passive-aggressive, or that you have a tendency to be passive-aggressive yourself. Passive aggression refers to a deliberate attempt to disguise oneself to politely express anger, including a series of behaviors that are implemented on the target person so that the other person does not perceive his or her anger. The following 10 statements are typical of passive-aggression and can help give you early warning of hidden animosity.
1. “I’m cool now!”
The passive-aggressive person doesn’t confess hostility, but denies feelings of anger – he insists he’s “calm” while he’s angry.
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2. “Okay.” “Whatever.”
Withdrawing from an argument with a full heart is a basic strategy of passive-aggression. People believe it’s bad to express anger directly, so use these two phrases to express displeasure indirectly while cutting off direct emotional communication with you.
3. “Almost there! Soon!”
Verbal promises but delayed action. For example, you ask your child to clean his room, and he agrees with alacrity, “Yes, right away!” But no action is seen, and it’s likely he’s using passive-aggressive tactics to deal with you.
4. “I didn’t know you wanted it now.”
The average person procrastinates only on tasks they don’t like, while the passive-aggressive person is a master procrastinator, using procrastination to torment others or to get out of a chore without outright refusing.
5. “You demand perfection in everything.”
A more complex passive-aggressive strategy, besides procrastination, is to complete tasks on time, but not to the quality you want them to be completed. For example, a student turns in a sloppy assignment, a husband makes a delicious steak for his wife who doesn’t like steak, an employee goes seriously over budget on an important project …… These are situations where you go to criticize him and he not only defends himself, but in turn accuses you of not knowing how to be flexible or of being overly perfect.
6. “I thought you knew that!”
The height of passive-aggression is deliberate “oversight”. In order to express anger, he deliberately doesn’t tell you something and makes you feel bad. When you ask him why, he excuses his inaction by saying he was negligent, while gloating behind the scenes.
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7. “Don’t worry, it was a pleasure serving you.”
It’s not uncommon to see seemingly concerned staff in the customer service department, or to hear a super polite voice on a customer service call assuring you that the problem can all be resolved. On the surface, the representative’s attitude is cooperative, but watch out for the grudge behind the smile – the second he turns his face, he’s tossing your application into the wastepaper basket or stamping “not accepted” heavily on your application.
8. “That’s pretty good for someone of your ability to do that.”
Passive attacks are the most humiliating with this kind of needle in the heart compliment. The same goes for the “don’t be afraid, even at your age you can still get braces” and “there are actually a lot of men who like fat girls”, what do you feel when you hear this “comfort”?
9. “I’m just kidding.”
Sarcasm is a common way to express overt hostility, but then it has to be done in a way that is appropriate. If you get upset, the passive-aggressive person puts on a pathetic face: “It was just a joke, you wouldn’t, would you?”
10. “No way, you’re mad about that?”
The passive-aggressive person is very good at watching the other person storm off after hitting them and remaining calm or pretending to be surprised himself. In fact, he is happily watching you lose your temper, and in turn calling you “overreacting.