The most terrible thing about breakups is that they are completely dead to each other and delete all contact information, this way of venting is not a good thing for two people who have broken up, some people because they are fake breakups, and can’t say they don’t have any feelings anymore, just let one thing completely sad, or delete all contact information. If you reason with them at this time, I think it’s really a ridiculous thing. Everyone has emotions! If you want to cry, you want to cry, you want to vent, you want to find friends and relatives to tell you. I think it’s necessary to release your emotions, but don’t take too long at this stage!
Some people get too caught up in such emotions and can’t help themselves. They don’t eat, they don’t take care of themselves, they lose sleep, they fret, they even get very sick. I think I would be disappointed if you did that. How can someone who can’t even care for themselves love others? I’m not trying to comfort you, because comforting won’t ease your pain or solve any substantial problem! Some people are in a hurry, some people are restless in their hearts and never know what to do. What if I contact the other person but they ignore me? Do I need to send a gift?
Your self-inflicted pain means nothing except that you are uncomfortable and the other person can’t see it. Even if the other party sees it, I think the other party must not feel good inside. Must be sympathetic to each other, too much pressure, for them rather bad, so that people are easy to fear or do deserters, I still think this is not a good way!
One, cold treatment
Although after the breakup, do not want to care about each other, but still want to get the news, this is possible to collect each other’s information through relatives and friends, if you want to know each other’s news, you can use this method, do not keep bothering each other, the meaning of cold treatment is to let you and each other calm down. This moment, although it is possible that you will be in a passive situation, but it does not mean that the other party does not miss you… Do not be confused by the illusion. Of course, the level of thinking depends on the reality of the situation.
What do you miss? Maybe thinking about your happy times, maybe thinking about how good you were, maybe the other person is regretting or hesitating to break up, or even thinking about how bad you were…go cold turkey for two days first. During this period do not go phone bombing, information pestering, blocking the door. Since the other party has decided to delete you, it really is running away from you. So just take two days off and give her some space. Let the TA be slightly less repulsive to you.
Cold turkey varies from person to person and situation to situation, and not everyone needs it. There are always people who say they can’t resist contact. I still want the “no way” question. It is normal to miss each other after a breakup. I have said many times that cold turkey is not a necessary process. Some friends are actually much better. There is no need to cool down. If you can still contact each other, and the other person does not reject you, you can continue to do so. Positive contact, positive contact does not mean regular contact. This is a case by case analysis.
I want to find a state in the relationship where you are comfortable and I am not, so I would ask the other person what can you do and why can’t I? If this view was when you were together or when you were boyfriend and girlfriend, there is nothing wrong with that at all, and it could even be said to be the basis for getting along. But once your relationship changes, you can’t see things this way. In fact, a lot of similar things have happened recently. Today, I want to use this topic to talk to you about how to position yourself in recovery.
II. To find your place
I’ve seen a lot of people who are in recovery, but they can’t find their place in recovery. Because they can’t find their place, it’s easy to be as proud and charming as when they were together before, or to put themselves too low and too humble, like servants, and end up all dead or even in a blacklisted situation. So, in fact, finding your place in recovery is the root of your recovery method. If you put yourself in any position, your recovery communication and approach should follow your position. The position of the unselfish person, the characteristic of this person is:Even after the breakup, he still likes to come from home as a man or woman friend, and it is easy to think in terms of a man or woman friend.
What you don’t think about is that you’re not the other person’s boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re just a regular friend, not even a friend. If the other person sees that you have a new love, the TA will naturally feel that you have moved on and are no longer in love with the old, so leave it alone. Two people do not love each other, even if the other party is angry and jealous, it is not possible to walk up to you in public and say that you two can not be together. Since they are broken up, the other party will not be so “unavailable”. This leads to some people break up, want to find a “temporary object” to cause each other jealousy, so as to achieve the purpose of recovery, which is extremely but the brain operation. Why do you say that? Imagine this feeling:
Ex and you break up→You two haven’t talked for a while, or you have talked but it’s not a good conversation→A few days later there’s someone new, I don’t know if it’s a fling or a friend, it seems a bit ambiguous→What does it feel like now?
The first one:Yes, you’re jealous. Why did the TA find a new lover so quickly, or the TA seems to have come out, so you choose to delete and pull the black to show that you let go. Second, you may even have a feeling of extreme rejection. You feel that this person is not worth loving for so long. You are angry and even feel disgusted. You choose to delete and pull to express your dissatisfaction and freedom.
Third, you are secretly sad that the other person came out and you don’t have any identity to ask them who that person is now. Delete pull black can block yourself from seeing the new trend of ambiguity about TA. No matter which of the above, the solution can only be to black out or delete. Why? Because this behavior makes both sides feel extremely uncomfortable and strongly betrayed, a new “nosy person” appeared in their own feelings. Even if the other person is not a third party, the default in this case is yes.
The second and most common position of poor positioning is to put yourself in an extremely pathetic position, thinking, “Even if we break up with you now, aren’t we friends? You should not help me to do something? Don’t you feel sad, pitiful, or pathetic looking at me like that? Don’t you want to come back to me? " What are the usual breathtaking operations of people who position themselves this way? I like to win each other’s sympathy by begging, kneeling, and pitying, thinking:Two people have been together for so long, even if they quarrel and break up, but now they are showing weakness, so why can’t they forgive me?
But it is also this moral kidnapping that makes it seem criminal for the other person not to make peace with you, that is, to feel sorry for you. Often many people who are saved have more pressure to get along in this session. Because they have been morally kidnapped by you, they are firmly determined to break up and will not make peace. So many people will ask me, hey, why do I always show weakness like this? If I beg, the other party is still indifferent. ta is really put down do not love me anymore? This has little to do with whether you love it or not, with you, TA feels strongly uncomfortable.
Three, reconnect
Find an opportunity, such as TA has something to do with you, or a friend’s classmate gathering. The first thing you need to do is to find an occasion where the TA is present and appears in front of each other, but don’t show the “I miss you” look when you come up. Be generous, say hello to each other like friends, and then you can walk away. You don’t need to talk right away, find someone else to talk to, or they will definitely avoid you. Then, for example, when the party is almost over, say hello to each other and send each other home. On the way, you can make a statement with the other person like this:
“XXX, I feel so bad that once we were so good and how we became the closest people, but it’s gotten worse. I tried too hard because I was afraid of losing a confidant, a good friend, a lover. In fact, I’ve thought about it a lot in the past two days and figured it out. Break up is really our best choice now, but I don’t want to lose you completely because of the break up. It is said that the greatest fear of friends becoming lovers is losing a friend because of a breakup.
I don’t expect us to talk as much as we used to, but I do hope we can say hello once in a while.” In the meantime, you want to let the other person feel the change in you, so that she feels like you’re back to being the good friend you were. Instead of pressuring and constraining her, you need to be relaxed and comfortable with each other, remembering rather than talking about yourself. Meaning, don’t tell each other:I’ve really changed; I’ve changed a lot; I’ve changed…that description.
As the saying goes, it’s better to say more than to do more, and she doesn’t have to think about it. But, once she sees it and realizes it, she will naturally believe it. Still, recovery is a long process, and the other person can’t regain trust in you right away. You can only change slowly, lay the groundwork slowly, and step by step, the dawn of recovery will be closer and closer.
Fourth, how can we fix it?
No one can tell you the truth in one sentence and ask one question. Or let’s take the example above. Teacher, how do I get into Tsinghua University? If you are a teacher, how should you answer the student? If it’s me, I can only say you have to study hard. Another example is, how can I win the lottery? That can only say, only to buy a lottery ticket. Few people focus their problems on themselves and analyze what their problems are, instead of solving them according to the reality of the problem, they desperately think about how to get in touch with each other and how to pretend their friends are tired in a series of childish ways, which means there is no self-imagination and no causal logic to solve the problem.
In summary, there’s really no need to ask anyone else this question. It’s not for the so-called masters and mentors to answer. There are a thousand Hamlets to a thousand people. What matters is that you look good. You chose to be with this person, not an expert mentor, so you just need to respect your own inner choices and decide for yourself. If you are determined to get back, you will try, if not succeed, at least not regret it (extra reminder to try, but don’t fall for it.