As a professional woman, I’ve been working in a career organization.
I’ve been working in an institution for a long time, and I’m almost 30, and I’m still a mediocre performer.
Or a few years ago, a leader came to our unit, and he was in his 40s. When he first came here, he held a deputy position, and everyone could see that he was very unimpressed. At that time, we also had very little contact at work.
Two years later, he moved to another unit to take on a leadership role. The company’s main goal is to provide a platform for the development of a new generation of companies that will be able to provide the best possible service. Sometimes, they eat together, he will call on me. The company’s main business is to provide a platform for the development of a new product.
Two or three times after that, one time, when we were together again, he said he wanted to thank me and asked me to have dinner alone. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services. That evening, we went to a restaurant far from our workplace. At the dinner table, we chatted happily, the atmosphere is very good. After the meal, he proposed to find a place to play for a while. I agreed. So we went to KTV and we sang and danced. The first time this close contact, I felt like I was back in my teenage years. The first time we got close to each other, I felt like I was back in my teenage years. As we sang and danced, he started stroking my hair and complimenting me with nice words. Suddenly, he brought his mouth up to kiss me. I struggled a bit and he still kissed me on the cheek. My face immediately flushed and I raised my hand to wipe it at that time, feeling unnatural to each other. After a few moments of embarrassment, I said let’s go, I have work to do. When I came outside, he immediately changed his face, acting like a leader, and talked to me about work again.
Since that time, I’ve been wary of him.
After that, we would occasionally meet again at a colleague’s wedding or other occasions. But each time I politely said hello and tried to get out early. The first time I saw the company, I had to leave early as usual. I didn’t expect him to call me after I left. In the phone call, he asked me where I was at the moment and who I was with. I said in a panic that I was at home with my husband. He then hung up the phone.
Later last year, our unit competed for a mid-level leadership position, and I signed up. When he learned of this during a phone call with our unit leader, he asked our unit leader to promote me. Then he called me back and said he wanted to talk to me in person about the matter in detail.
Should I go to the appointment?
I think it’s a good idea to have a good time. I was very happy to see you, but I decided to go to the appointment. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. In this way, I arrived at the appointed place. When we met, he was very enthusiastic and interested. We sat down and talked. During the conversation, he brought up the matter of competing for the job and said he must help me. I told him to leave the matter alone, and I was not too interested in the career. In the midst of this, the phone of the colleague I had agreed to, really rang several times. I told him that the call was from my husband, who had a fever, and that I had to go back first.
Later, our competition ended, and I was elected with the first place in all exams. The leader of our unit reminded me to thank him. At a unit celebration, we met once again. The leader of our unit said to him in front of me, “I’ve done the things you’ve entrusted to me for you, even if I don’t need your activities, people can do it themselves ……”, which made me feel that I owed him another favor.
Two days later, he called and said he’d invite me to lunch. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. The company’s main goal is to provide a platform for the development of a new generation of companies. He said that our unit leadership team will be adjusted, he is ready to come to our unit as a hand. Then, his topic turned to our relationship. He said very intimately: “For a long time, I have liked you, and I don’t know why. Originally, I did not want to say it, but, seeing that you are so nervous and stressed every time, I thought it would be better to simply pick it out. Please don’t worry, I promise not to do anything to turn you off and promise not to hurt you. But I just really want to hug you and kiss you at this moment, okay?” I said, “I’ve always respected you, and I don’t think it would be appropriate if our relationship went any further ……” He then proposed that within six months, he would grasp the scale of our relationship and he would see me once a week and promise not to interfere with my family. Later, I proposed to leave the place. He said he wanted to hug me for just half an hour, and let me go after half an hour. So, I let him hold me in his arms and just sat and sat …… quietly for a short while before he said, “Instead of you leaving when the time comes, I’ll let you go now and go.” With that, he kissed me again on the cheek. On the way back, he said he was going to borrow a car from someone else and teach me to drive it, and asked me if I had a holiday so I could go out with him on a trip.
After this meeting, he called a few times to ask me out. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of services to the public. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public. He did not force me. Now, the leader of our unit is confirmed, not him, but the department he manages and our unit is the closest, and, for a long time there are a lot of business transactions, which gives me a headache. That day, he called me again and asked me what my plans were for tomorrow, and I was too embarrassed to say no again, so I agreed to meet. When I hung up the phone, I remembered that tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and I had a hard time knowing what to do. Thankfully, he called the next day and said that the higher-ups were coming to visit and he had to arrange hospitality, so he couldn’t leave, and wished me a happy Valentine’s Day. The first time I saw it, I was so relieved.
I had a feeling that this kind of harassment would happen more often in the future, and I was really tired of dealing with it. I was very impressed by the fact that he had some power and I didn’t dare to offend him easily, and I didn’t want to tear myself away from him because he wasn’t substantially aggressive towards me. However, every time his phone call comes, I will suddenly have a big head like a bucket, I do not know how to deal with it, and I dare not tell my husband. How can I save his face and avoid this embarrassing situation at the same time?
The days ahead are still long. When will this embarrassing anguish end?
Counselor’s comment: Through this story, we see that the woman’s distress is all her own making, and if she doesn’t see and grasp her own heart in time, she will make even more distress.
How did the woman create her own anguish?
This is a very emotional story, but the woman’s account is almost bland. Behind this blandness is the fact that she hides the internal reasons that led to this situation today. The story of the man’s relationship with the woman is not a story of the man. The lady’s relationship with the man was not entirely forced. So, what are the motivations for the lady’s relationship with him? One of the motives is that the lady is confused by love. The lady and the man met at the beginning, just twenty-three or four years old, or a young girl. And middle-aged men are mature and attractive time. Youthful girls will often interpret the emotional story with middle-aged men. Because, middle-aged men’s maturity to young girls is a charm, and young girls’ youthful energy to middle-aged men is also a charm. This is a hard to escape the law of charm. Thus, middle-aged men and young girls in some specific conditions may produce love. Another motive is that the lady is confused by profit. The man may not give the lady any practical benefits. However, if he is a man without power, will the lady still have such a story with him? It is that, in their relationship, there is more or less explicit or implicit expectation of some kind of benefit in the lady’s heart.
It is for this motive that the relationship has come about, and the woman has acquiesced to the man’s repeated “harassment” in the relationship. The reason is that the relationship is mutually beneficial in both directions. The most important thing is that you can get a good idea of what you want to do.
How stressful should it be to face such a mindset for yourself? The woman used a psychological defense mechanism called “rationalization” to defend her troubled mind. The reasoning is that when a person is frustrated or unable to achieve the goals they are seeking, or when they are not behaving in accordance with social norms, they justify themselves with reasons that are favorable to them, and they couch the dilemma they are facing to hide their true motives or desires, thus providing a psychological defense mechanism to free themselves. “He has some power, I dare not easily offend him” and other reasons are a kind of psychological self-defense of the lady. The first thing you need to do is to take a look at the results.
So the lady faces a conflict of motives: she wants to keep the relationship with him, but she is afraid of causing more harm; she wants to break the relationship, but she is afraid of losing some kind of benefit. So, what embarrasses the lady is her own heart. So, what exactly should be the choice in the face of conflicting motives? After seeing her own heart, I believe the lady will say goodbye to the embarrassment with a mature and rational life. (Reviewer: Ma Zhiguo)