It is said that “every family has its own difficult scriptures.” The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which has been a major problem for ages, is also a necessary chapter in every family’s difficult story. How to deal with the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and how the husband in the middle should be coaxed to take good care of his wife at the same time? Back to the problem that makes every man headache “wife and mother fell into the water, you will save which one first?” The best state of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is: far and near, near enough to take care of in time, while the right distance can produce a sense of beauty and security.
What kind of mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship would seem too close? What is the basis for determining this?
Marriage counselor Deanna Brann believes that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are prone to some negative emotions when they get along,
It is difficult for a mother-in-law to take an absolutely impartial stand and position in the family relationship. On the son’s side, blood is thicker than water, plus the mother’s natural desire to protect and control her son, so once the couple has an argument, the mother-in-law cannot avoid taking the son’s side even though she tries not to take sides as much as possible. The first thing you need to do is to keep a certain distance between your mother-in-law and your daughter-in-law.
First, it’s important to draw boundaries even when you’re related.
Draw the bottom line with your own daughter-in-law, within the bottom line you can talk about emotions, but as long as it’s something beyond the bottom line then you can only talk about reason. The mother-in-law can not ask a few questions: how is your sex life with my son? You have a good time these days? Can you make enough money for my grandson to go to private school? A mother-in-law can ask how the marriage is going in general, but never about privacy.
Second, learn to respect each other and that your daughter-in-law has the right to say no.
Of course, it is natural to respect your elders, but the younger ones also have the right to say no. You should never rely on your age and experience to interfere too much with your juniors’ private lives and force them to do what you want.
Third, mothers-in-law don’t give advice indiscriminately, especially on parenting issues.
Mothers-in-law should create a relaxed and loving environment for everyone, and give advice about marriage, work, and parenting in a general way as an elder, but how to raise and educate the children should be a matter of the couple’s own will.
Fourth, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should have an objective expectation of their relationship.
The difficult relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a fact that has been around for ages, and this expectation cannot be too high, and certainly not too low. It is important to be clear about the fact that mothers-in-law are not mothers and daughters-in-law are not daughters. You can’t expect your mother-in-law as if she were your own mother, and you shouldn’t imagine her as a particularly nasty relative from the start.
Fifth, be open and honest and talk with an open mind.
Mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationships are different from ordinary friendships, so don’t expect the other person to open up to you and solve problems after they occur. Be proactive at all times to ask the other person and express your thoughts and love.
Sixth, care about your husband and children’s feelings.
You know, after the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have problems, the hardest thing is also the husband who is caught in the middle. When sharing matters of the heart, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should draw boundaries to these matters of the heart and should not reveal the privacy between the two families.
Seventh, be respectful of your respective roles.
Wives should understand their roles and responsibilities, and mothers-in-law should understand what their role in the family should be. Each side should do their own job and not interfere too much.