In Roman mythology, Cupid is likened to a symbol of love. He is a mischievous, winged little god who carries a bag of arrows and shoots an “arrow of love” at whomever he pleases, and once his arrow penetrates the heart, people fall in love with each other regardless. After that, people often use Cupid’s mischievous caprice to explain the irregularity of love when it happens.
But psychologists have found that Cupid is not as naughty as people think, and that the arrows he fires do not fly blindly, but follow specific rules. What kind of person do you have a crush on? Whose advances are you more likely to accept? American psychologist Sharon Brehm summarized the following 6 laws for how love happens:
Proximity
Two people who live in close proximity to each other in space are usually more likely to like each other. The proximity of space provides easy access to each other’s acquaintances and interactions. They can pay a small price but get to know and familiarize with each other more easily. Conversely, distant spatial distances make interactions more costly, and the lack of time spent together adds to misunderstandings that cannot be dispelled in time.
The attractiveness of appearance
In an interesting psychological experiment, psychologists showed people pictures of strangers and then asked them to rate these strangers based on their feelings. It turned out that people generally rated people with more attractive appearance highly. This shows that people are more likely to believe that beautiful people must also be good. This bias is especially likely to occur at the beginning of a relationship.
The other person likes them
When you are with someone, if you feel that they like you, the feeling of being accepted and appreciated raises your self-esteem and makes you like them more; on the other hand, you feel rejected, and even if the person is attractive, they are less attractive. The reason is that we are more concerned about how badly we feel rejected or denied by the person than the good feelings he brings us.
Similarity
People with differences in personality are more likely to have misunderstandings and arguments when they get along, and prolonged conflict can leave both people frustrated and exhausted; people with People who have more similarities will resonate with each other because of their consistency. This feeling of acceptance will make them appreciate themselves more, and so they will enjoy spending time with each other more and more. But there is one situation in which “dissimilarity” can also foster feelings for each other: one person has exactly what the other needs. For example, one partner is very opinionated, and the other is very willing to follow the decisions of others.
Barriers
People are generally rebellious, which leads us to crave more and redouble our efforts when we are threatened with not getting or losing. Psychologists have found that there is a “Romeo and Juliet effect” in love: when the outside world, especially parents, is strongly opposed to two people’s love, the more attractive they are in each other’s eyes, and the more intense love they feel for each other.
Qualities
In addition to the above, regardless of differences in background, age, or gender, the 3 most important things people agree lovers need to have are: warmth and kindness, good character, and acceptance and responsiveness to their feelings.