What details and practices can contribute to a bad marriage? See if you are unconsciously complying with the American psychologist’s tongue-in-cheek analysis. Avoid the harmful “substances” and the healthy quality of your marriage will be better protected.
Happy families are all alike. Keywords such as: understanding, tolerance, consideration, trust, love, loyalty, happiness, harmonious sex …… and unhappy marriages are all unhappy in their own way. Just think about the antonyms of the above keywords, an unfortunate marriage history can reconstruct a dictionary. Bored of listening to the sage advice of a happy marriage, why don’t we look the other way: what details and practices can contribute to a bad marriage? Compare this to the witty analysis of American psychologists and see if you are unconsciously complying.
The healthy quality of a marriage is better ensured by avoiding harmful “substances.
The wrong reasons to get married:
There are two ways to doom a marriage to misery. One is to have the wrong reason for marrying, and the other is to choose the wrong spouse.
Fleeing some sort of bad situation is the more common wrong reason to get married. This includes escaping poverty, avoiding school, avoiding running for a living, and so on. Escaping family constraints is the most common of these, and it contributes to 81% of bad marriages for couples under 21.
If there is still an ironclad desire to enjoy the pain, take pregnancy as a reason to get married and escape the family.
Picking the wrong spouse:
Picking the wrong person only requires two conditions to be met: one, that the other person’s flaws are different from your own; and two, that you are determined to get rid of those flaws.
Examples of this abound. The most classic is when one serious party falls in love with the other who is free and easy, and both parties attempt to change the other.
The wrong reason to get married combined with the wrong person is the easiest way to make a marriage miserable.
Fighting:
If sexual pain means unspoken misery, fighting and getting physical can be much more painful. Looking for something to prep for that can’t be solved, the way to end an argument can go to two extremes: one is to pull back and sulk on your own. The second is to take violence, not only can bring surprise and embarrassment, and the same can not solve any problems. If arguing and violence are not painful enough, you can add alcohol, drugs and other drugs that can be addictive. All of these, including sexual discord, can cause pain throughout the marriage.
Beginning of a new marriage:
Newly married couples grasping at the opportunity to have their in-laws interfere with the marriage is a great way to invite trouble. Arguing about whose house to go back to for the holidays can be very effective. If parents helped buy the house or sponsored the marriage, couples have an obligation not to stay away from them and bring the stress of older family relationships into the marital relationship. It is even better if there is an employment factor involved. For example, at the wife’s request, the husband goes to work for his father-in-law’s company. This leads to a series of quarrels in which the father-in-law interferes with the marriage. Any complaints from the husband about his job are taken by the wife as dissatisfaction with her mother’s family, and she is taunted: How would we live if it weren’t for my father? The first thing that happened was that my father made it possible for you to be a no-good man.
Children:
With children providing the opportunity for fancy, couples are naturally bolted together to fulfill new responsibilities and share new pains: To have children or not to have children? To have children or not to have children? All can be the subject of heated debate.
Pregnancy can create pain in this way: i. The wife is so preoccupied with the fetus that she neglects emotional communication with her husband. The husband, on the contrary, ignores the fact that his wife is pregnant and complains that she is not doing her job as a housekeeper. Secondly, during pregnancy, the wife usually thinks she is ugly, less elegant and less attractive. The husband then takes advantage of the opportunity to have fun with other women, drink heavily, and leave his wife far away when she needs him most, especially when he is not with her during childbirth.
After the baby was born, there were more opportunities to create pain. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you want to do. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. The four elders each expressed their own opinions and offered conflicting advice, saying they were all for the good of the child.
Affair:
The pyramid is so solid because of the triangular structure, and if you want to reap the pain of stability, find a third party. There are three types of affairs that can hurt a spouse’s feelings the most: i. The mean type. The company’s subordinates can also be used, not only to lose their jobs, but also to completely shake the economic foundation of the family. Second, confused type. For example, the wife is stylish and elegant, but the husband actually found a vulgar and ignorant woman fooling around; for example, the wife is noble and rational, but engaged in an 80-year-old man or daughter’s boyfriend. This affair not only hurts feelings, but also can make the injured party confused: should I call the psychiatrist? The third, the catch-22 type. As long as one party believes that a third party does exist, it is fine. Specific practices include: answering the phone abnormally, phone numbers left in the kitchen sink, occasionally not coming home on time after work, etc. A skilled person can also put up a smoke screen to guide the spouse to catch the wind to cover up the actual cheating. It’s called killing two birds with one stone and getting two misfortunes at the same time. One man was good at this and had a second wife and a child. He ate two dinners a day and argued with both women about the same thing.