You’ve been in this situation more than once: when you express your feelings passionately, you get this response from the man you love: “You’re so talkative!” However, do not rush to accuse men of being cold and heartless, unwilling to listen to you, understand you, and then their own sadness or lead to a war with him. In fact, men are also very emotional, just in their own way.
Secret #1: Stop at the end
Talking is a form of “sparring” between men and women, and it’s a good idea to consider leaving room for him when you talk.
Don’t use statements that hurt a man’s ego when you talk. Men value self-esteem, and any word that is offensive and overstates a man’s shortcomings should not be used. A more dangerous way for a woman to speak is to compare her beloved him with others. Men are more sensitive to negative comments than women, and a damaged ego can cause a man to hit back immediately. Women can try to feel it alone: a neutral conversationalist in front of a man is replaced by emotional language, and then he becomes an all-around opponent who refutes you.
Secret #2: All the way to the end
The subject of the conversation should be clear, don’t get bogged down in certain words, the subject is the soul of the conversation.
When it comes to some relationship problems, women always like to say, “Let’s talk about our relationship.” This is too general for men to understand, can lead to uneasiness, and does nothing to help the matter itself; this way of speaking is fundamentally incorrect. Vague expressions and overly large conversation topics make the scope of the conversation unclear and cause the man to lose control of the conversation’s plot. He knows that the woman is waiting for him to behave in a certain way, but he does not know the rules of the “game”. The man tends to become unsure of himself and gradually feels angry.
Women focus more on the conversation itself, men focus on the end goal and the outcome. And what is the outcome of the conversation about “our relationship”? It’s more productive for women to be specific about their requests or grievances. For example, “Let’s talk about why we can’t stop by my mom’s.” Or, “Can you explain why it’s so hard for you to take out the trash?”
Secret #3: Have a conclusion
The result is much more important than the process, and the conversation should end with a concrete conclusion, which is the purpose of the conversation.
A woman’s ramblings leave a man uncomprehending and uninterested. A woman’s communication in this situation is unsuccessful. A man is more focused on results. He doesn’t say everything that’s on his mind like a woman does, he just says the last word – the result. So if you want a man to understand you, you have to structure the conversation so that any thought you have ends with a specific conclusion or suggestion, rather than chattering and talking about yourself.
Secret #4: Be emotionally stable
Control your emotions during the conversation, don’t turn on the tap and “talk”.
Women often try to talk to their partners about their emotions, and you may find them fidgeting in their chairs, clearly showing impatience or even anger. Why? Usually, men wait for you to finish recounting the scenario briefly. Instead, he gets very tired and resentful when he hears you talking to yourself at length and without substance, and just circling around the issue.
The right approach is to tell the man about the problem you’re facing, and you need to be concise and precise, without adding too much emotion to the language. Of course, you might add, “I’m telling you about my own problems to take the pressure off. Do you want to talk to me about it now or give you some time to think about it?”
Secret #5: Don’t rush
A man’s silence during a conversation doesn’t mean he’s ignoring you, and you should be in a waiting mood.
Sometimes a man’s silence isn’t as serious as a woman thinks; he’s just thinking about what he just heard. Don’t call him “unresponsive” and don’t scream at him to answer right away.
If you don’t want to push a man to solve a problem he doesn’t know about right away, give him the freedom to choose: If you want to help, get involved in my business, and if you don’t want to help, I won’t get mad. Oddly enough, when feeling given a choice, a lot of men do reach out for helping friendship.
Secret #6: Master the characteristics
Talking to men means mastering the particulars of their conversations and avoiding the “minefields” that men don’t like.
Men don’t like and don’t want to repeat the same words a hundred times a day, like “I love you, I love you” and so on. The woman is happy to hear it every time. However, you should not try to explain to your beloved man how important this phrase is to you. As always, all the problems lie in the differences in your thinking.
Besides the unpleasant crap, men don’t like women’s emotionally charged complaints, because by saying them, women seem to have put the responsibility for the problem on the man’s shoulders and “dumped” their problems on him. Men don’t like this “strong gender” situation and tend to become impatient and agitated. If he can solve the problem, great. And what if he can’t either? What if the issue concerns your relationship with your girlfriend, your boss, your neighbor? You’re waiting for a man to solve the problem, so you’ve driven him to a dead end by having this conversation.