The desire for perfect love has been around for ages. Plato once mentioned an old myth: “Long ago, man had four legs and four hands and was powerful. Because he blasphemed the gods, he was cut in half as a punishment. Since then, the poor man has constantly attempted to recover the lost other half to make up for this deficiency.” But it is this enchanting love that has only a short life span. After the intoxication and passion has passed, into the reality of marriage, the individual’s true desires, emotions, and behavior patterns come to the fore.
After more than 20 years of research, experts have found that the “love languages” that everyone needs fall into five broad categories: affirming words, elaborate moments, accepting gifts, service-like actions, and physical touch. The “language of love” that everyone needs can be roughly divided into five categories: affirming words, elaborate moments, receiving gifts, service-like actions, and physical touch.
Affirming words. The deepest human need is to feel appreciated. For those who are insecure and have low self-esteem, a lack of security leads to a lack of courage. This is when a spouse who gives positive words of encouragement, affirmation, and kindness will often inspire great potential in the other person.
A careful moment. Have you ever noticed how men and women who dine together are very different before and after marriage: the former look at each other with affection, the latter look away? A “moment of care” has to be an attentive conversation, or a dinner with just the two of you, or a walk holding hands. The content of the activity is secondary, the point is to take the time to capture the other person’s full attention.
Accept gifts. A gift is a tangible symbol of love, something that reminds the other person that “I love you”. It is the easiest language of love to learn.
Acts of service. This refers to doing what your spouse wants you to do, to serve him/her and make him/her happy. When in a passionate relationship, serving the other person is voluntary, even to the point of going to great lengths. But after marriage, many people get lazy, and such a state is not to be desired.
Physical contact. Physical contact is a subtle way of communicating human feelings and a powerful tool for expressing love. Sex is one way of this love language, and holding hands, kissing, hugging, and touching are all effective as well. For some people, physical contact is their primary language of love. Without it, love is not felt.