Experience tells us that victims of extramarital affairs who identify dangerous romantic images early. Most of them can take preventive measures before it happens.
We’ve summarized the three main reasons for an affair, and if there are signs of danger such as these in your married life. Then whether or not your spouse is in fact having an affair, your relationship has already begun to deteriorate.
I. Loneliness
One wife told us, “My husband Chang fiddles endlessly with his computer as soon as he gets home. One day I went to the bookstore, and when I tried to get my wallet the books and groceries fell to the floor in my hand. A kind man helped me lift the books and asked, ‘Oh, you like classics? A week later I went to that bookstore and happened to meet him again.
The next day we talked for more than three hours. Things always go from there to there, but honestly, it wasn’t the sex that made our relationship grow but the conversation. For Zhang, I was just a reproductive machine, and that was all there was between us. The isolation was unbearable.”
If a person lacks intimacy in their life, if they can’t find someone to share the big and small things in their life with, they feel lonely. The feeling of loneliness can then set in. This loneliness is the main factor that causes extramarital affairs.
II. Monotony
One man said, “For 11 years I thought about other girlfriends, but I never really wanted to look for an affair. One night, when I was alone at a party because my wife was out, a woman invited me over to her place for a drink or two. At first I was shocked and nervous and told her I couldn’t go. But that thought kept spurring me on, and two days later I dialed her up and it happened.”
The lure of external stimuli is the second most common cause of infidelity between couples. Passion begins to cool after five or six years of marriage, daily life falls into a routine, once free-spirited couples have children, and sex always happens the same way at the same time.
Extra-marital sex, on the contrary, offers many elements of adventure: flirtation, chase, danger, released emotions and the trepidation of fear of discovery.
Three, lack of communication
We heard an account of a couple’s argument: “I was furious that my husband, Liu, never helped with the kids. I have my job, too, and it’s infuriating that taking care of the house has become my business alone.
One Friday afternoon he asked me what I was having for dinner, and I replied, ‘Go eat the Northwest wind! He was furious at hearing that, and I was even more furious. He ran outside the house and shouted, ‘I don’t have to put up with this!’ Later he told me that he had slept with his girlfriend for the first time that night.”
Many couples lack awareness of the damaging ways to communicate in their married lives, they blame each other, and as a result anger and frustration permeate all aspects of their lives, especially their sex lives. Couples build and maintain their relationships through the exchange of ideas and feelings, and sex is one of the most significant forms of intimacy for the exchange of feelings.
Ms. Li told us, “We quarrel over sex, and my husband is upset because he feels that he takes the initiative every time. It’s true, he’s tense with me all day, so I don’t want to initiate at all. So he turns over and goes to sleep and ignores me in the morning.”
These damaging forms of communication make both partners suffer and create a growing sense of abandonment, with angry and abusive communication that pervades the couple’s life. One mother admitted, “He was driving me crazy, and I just wouldn’t let it go.”
One woman’s lawyer complained that despite the anger she was holding mentally, she had to outwardly give in. “At work I say what I want, I give advice to people. But at home, no matter what the facts are, my husband always thinks he’s consistently right and I’m consistently wrong.” Think about it: Wouldn’t a couple in such a relationship go outside the marriage to seek a loving and sexual relationship?
Trying to save a marriage on the verge of collapse is much more difficult and takes much longer than destroying it and ending it. But if you are determined to make an attempt to rebuild your relationship, whether or not an affair has occurred, the following advice will help you:
Make your spouse a priority
A woman doctor focused on a research project for 11 months, neglecting her husband and family life. One night she didn’t go to bed until 12:30 at night after an intense day of work. Her husband got angry: “I’ve had enough! I’m not even as good as your job.”
Of all the things you care about-work, kids, family, etc.-your relationship with your spouse must come first, and the primary time and energy must be spent on the relationship as a couple, followed by the other aspects of life. If you can’t put your primary relationship in this way, you might as well break up with your spouse while you still can.
Seeking change
One stockbroker complained, “I’ve been trying to let my wife know that I need more attention and intimacy. Sometimes I almost beg her to touch me, but she always sidetracks the conversation.”
Both spouses should be willing to seek change, and it should start with being unfailingly attentive to each other’s needs, so that love will rise and sex will gradually become a meaningful act of affection.
Avoid quarrelsome issues
Communication can both damage and nurture relationships, frustrate and build self-esteem. Improper communication can easily fall into ways that are damaging. Such approaches can erode a person’s self-worth and ultimately destroy the couples’ relationships that people hold dear.
Fair said, “It’s always like that when we get into a fight. She gets very angry at me about something and then runs out and buys clothes indiscriminately, and I get very angry about that. We argue and scold over money, and money becomes the trigger for our fights.”
People often get caught in this vicious cycle. Break this cycle by staying on top of issues that tend to cause arguments, such as financial expenses, which are topics that tend to upset your spouse. If you recognize these issues and deal with them in an eclectic way, there will be greater rapport and harmony.
Men and women in love form an unwritten contract that is usually the tacit agreement of the couple – that the two are one – and it was formed long before the marriage vows. The union of husband and wife is exclusive, and this exclusivity is marked by the degree of intimacy of the union of the sexes. The world of the couple is built into a contract that includes children, a house, and a shared friendship.
This mutual understanding becomes the foundation of the couple’s unbroken relationship. In the analysis at the end, we cannot be sure what caused a specific person to break this contract and abandon his or her spouse for someone else.
However, we can say that if you remove some of the destructive elements of married life, you can enhance the relationship and thus create a joyful, fun, and happy relationship that is shared by both spouses.